


She's my best friend

by SapphicSufix



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 73,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24001003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphicSufix/pseuds/SapphicSufix
Summary: Jade and Cat both have pretty complicated backgrounds. An exploration as to why they are friends in the first place.
Relationships: Beck Oliver & Jade West, Cat Valentine/Jade West
Comments: 114
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

Jade sat around the round table to get started on her lunch. It looked like it would be stormy out today. This pleased Jade, maybe a lighting bolt would come and strike Tori so that she wouldn’t have to put up with her incessant whining for the entire day. Jade smirked at the thought. Maybe Tori would be so badly hurt that she would be put in the hospital. She could go for entire week without hearing her pitchy singing. It would be just her Beck, Andre and Cat. Robbie would be there too she supposed. She could sit and brood, and get lost in her own thoughts, or better yet, get distracted by Cat’s thoughts, because Cat really did have a lot of thoughts. She had thoughts about just about anything. Seriously she would say a single sentence, and Cat would spin the last word into a fantastical whirlwind adventure, and although she pretended to hate this really, she kind of like that Cat could just speak for the both of them so that Jade could continue to get lost in… 

‘What are you so happy about?’ Beck was wearing a smirk of his own as he asked the question. 

‘Zeus owes me a favour. Looking at the sky, I can see that he’s ready to pay up.’ Jade glared at Tori as she shifted in her seat. A crackle of thunder sounded. 

‘No… that’s not your I want to torture tiny kittens smile, that’s your if a kitten actually turned up at your door step, you would take it in and love it no questions asked smile.’ Beck pushed on, and it was starting to annoy Jade. Since when was he an expert in her every facial feature anyway? 

‘Who gives you the right to…’  
‘I’ve known you since ninth grade. We dated for three years, and I know you. Plus, you’re not as much of an enigma as you’d like to think. People can read you Jade West’. 

Tori, Andre and even Robbie nodded and attested this absurd accusation. This exchange went on for far too long, and Jade was just about to rip someone’s throat out when Cat came to sit and join them. Jade turned round to Cat, wanting to appeal to the one person in the group who could be on her side, but she stopped when she saw the other girl’s face. 

Jade knew this face, but nobody else did. While Cat seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve, Jade knew that in reality, there was a lot hidden behind her sunny exterior, but that exterior was absent, and Cat’s face was written with unmistakable fear. Something was wrong. 

Jade’s face softened. ‘Hey, what’s going on baby girl?’ 

There was an uncomfortable silence in the group until Cat found her words. She took a breath. 

‘I have something to tell you… but I’m worried’. Cat started to tremble so Jade took her hand. What was WRONG? 

‘You can tell us little red’ Andre perked up. The others added their own support and Cat took a deep breath. 

‘I don’t know if you will hate me once I tell you this, but I thought you should know, I’m gay.’  
What? Jade stiffened and released Cat’s hand. 

Cat’s speech continued, but its sound was muffled as Jade became lost in thought. 

Cogs turned in Jade’s head. Cat wasn’t gay, she knew Cat wasn’t gay. How many guys had Cat dated while they had known each other? 10? 15? Guy after guy after guy. Those were not the actions of a gay woman. Jade couldn’t understand why she was doing this to her. Why now? Why when things had been going so perfectly for them both? 

Jade was not homophobic, she didn’t give a shit if people were gay. Honestly, it was none of her business who someone wanted to kiss, and she had every intention of staying in her lane and ignoring pretty much everyone else, but Jade did care about the truth, and the truth was that Cat was not gay. Jade must have spaced out for a good 10 minutes because when she came to, Cat was in Andre’s arms crying and everyone else was staring at Jade. 

‘Jade?’ Cat’s voice was so small as she spoke. Jade’s heart softened for a split second before it completely solidified, and Jade became consumed with anger. 

‘You didn’t look very gay when you were with Daniel’ Jade said. 

‘I…’  
‘Or Mark, or Nathan or Connor’ 

‘I didn’t want to be like this Jade, I tried so hard…’ 

Beck interjected ‘Okay, now let’s all just calm down’ 

‘You are NOT like this’. Jade’s voice was colder than Cat had ever heard it. ‘Now Stop looking for attention, and…’

‘I’m not, I just…’ Cat was starting to cry again.

‘Look’ Jade said, ‘I’m not interested in the water works, I’m out’.

Jade was on a rampage. She stormed right to her locker, then to her car and then straight home. She didn’t want to deal with anyone right now. They were all being ridiculous. Cat for lying, and the others for supporting her fantasy. Four years. FOUR YEARS she had known Cat, and she hadn’t had the decency to spill this little secret of hers until they were seniors? And not even just to her, she had gone and told their whole group. She thought that they were friends, she thought that they were best friends, but she guessed not. Jade stormed up to her room and threw her bag onto the bed in a thud. She wanted to turn her speaker on and play the loudest angriest song she could find but the stupid disks wouldn’t open and she was too angry to wait. In a fit of range, Jade thumped her desk and sent the CDs along with just about everything else on the desk flying. All that remained was a singular picture of her and Cat. Jade remembered when this picture was taken. It was the first year they met, back when she didn’t realise Cat was such a lying snake. In a simpler time.


	2. Chapter 2

Jade sat quietly in her mother Helen’s car tuning out her babble. As opposed to her mother’s usual nagging about Jade not living up to her potential, Helen’s stream of consciousness was somewhat positive today. Lately, all Jade’s mother could talk about was how proud she was to have a daughter who was accepted into the most exclusive performing arts school in the city and what so-and-so from work had said about her achievements. Prior to three weeks ago when Jade had received the acceptance letter, the arts had been ‘frivolous’ and ‘a waste of time’, but turned out if frivolous interests gave Helen something to brag about to her bridge buddies, they were okay. 

Jade’s father had not been as easy to persuade. He was still convinced that Jade would eventually have to stop playing out her little ‘fantasy’ and go back to a more ‘sensible career’ to earn a ‘decent living’. Jade didn’t care though, she didn’t need her parent’s approval really, she had made it to Hollywood Arts on her own, and she would gain her own success and get famous enough to make it onto the tabloids. Then she would really make them look and feel bad for the awful parents they had been to her. Jade had done a lot of this sort of fantasising lately. She had been dreaming about how she would make it big, where she would live with all that money, and who she could make suffer with her new-found power. Jade continued to smile all the way to the school’s parking lot. 

‘Looks like we’re here’ Helen said, looking towards the door and then Jade. 

‘Yep’ Jade replied. There was a moment of silence, and Jade thought her mother might be considering hugging her goodbye for the first time ever. Instead, she unlocked the car doors and said 

‘Okay then goodbye’ and watched Jade leave. Jade slung her backpack around her shoulder and waltzed into the school hallway for her first day, actually excited to get to her classes for once. Jade looked at her schedule. Acting 1 and film ran on Mondays. Jade’s film teacher was a classic. She had written the film ‘Lifeless’. It wasn’t on the same level as the classics like ‘The Scissoring’, but Jade had to admit that she admired its unique take on the genre of horror, and she had been a fan of Jane Harper’s for many years. Acting was with Mr. Sikowitz. Jade hadn’t heard of this Sikowitz fellow, but he seemed pretty popular amongst the student body, so Jade assumed he must be okay. After being assigned homeroom and a locker, Jade made her way to acting 1. 

The lesson was interesting enough, but something that Jade hadn’t really considered until she walked in was that class was a collaborative thing. For some reason, Jade hadn’t considered having to learn about the performing arts with 15 other snotty-nosed brats. She already hated them all.  
First there was Robbie, a frizzy haired, lanky nerd who carried an obnoxious and frankly problematic little puppet who ogled every girl in the room. If he or his puppet said anything to Jade, she would maim him. Then there was Beck, a pretty boy who pretended not to notice just about every girl in the school throwing themselves at him, there was Andre who… well actually Jade hadn’t found anything to complain about with Andre yet. And then there was Cat. Bright red hair, bright yellow personality. She was a sensitive, cheerful and colourful ray of literal sunshine and she represented everything that Jade despised. Cat would be fun to torture. Jade wondered if she could find a way to give her a spook. Jade turned her attention back to her teacher. 

‘It is critical when acting to think not only of the words on your lips, but to the position of your hips’. Sikowitz said. ‘I am referring of course to blocking. A good actor will move about the stage and let the audience get a sense of the environment, while also ensuring that every word they say can be heard. Who shall I pick on to show us this first? Hmm…’ Sikowitz looked at his class attendance list ‘Jade and Cat’.

Cat Squealed ‘Oh my God! This is going to be so fun!’ 

Yes, Jade mused. Yes it would. 

‘Jade’ Sikowitz said ‘you are young paper boy. Cat, you are his neighbouring milkmaid. Do what you will with the scene but focus on your blocking.  
Cat planted herself on the corner of the stage and made out like she was milking a cow. Jade sauntered over to the wall stage right and began to shuffle imaginary letters. Jade explored the stage as Sikowitz had suggested until she found her way next to Cat and she grabbed her attention. 

‘Good morning pretty lady’ Jade said, ‘I see that this here that this letter is addressed to your daddy, let me just hand it over, and you can get back to breaking all them little feller’s hearts there’ Jade made a motion to hand Cat the letter, Cat, or the milkmaid fluttered her pretty eyelashes and made a grab for it but Jade the paper boy withdrew his hand and made the maid swipe the air. Confusion crossed the other girl’s face. Now was the time to freak out this perky red head. 

‘On second thoughts, perhaps I shouldn’t hand you this letter after all. You see, I heard that that dear old daddy of yours died in a horrifying accident with a wheat farming machine’. Cat’s expression faltered, and Jade went in for the kill, determined to really freak her out. 

‘Oh it was on the papers everywhere, blood, guts. I heard a severed finger flung right off and landed in your dear mother’s lemon tea. Now that I think about it, this letter really does seem quite useless with no one living to give it to’. Jade had expected sweet little Cat squeal and run off in fear at this, but she did something very unexpected.  
Cat or… the milkmaid’s face darkened. ‘You know’ the milkmaid mused in a sultry tone, ‘you’re right, that really was a tragedy’ Cat leaned into Jade’s chest. ‘I really cannot believe how that could have possibly happened, that wheat machine was working just fine just before my filthy rich daddy began work that morning. My oh my whatever could have happened?’ The milkmaid brought a finger to the paperboy’s chin and lifted his face so that they were eye to eye. 

‘Say’ the milkmaid said ‘your family just came into a whole bunch of money didn’t they?’ The milkmaid wore a convincingly heinous expression. Jade let herself get lost in the moment for only a second before she got back into character and ran centre stage to escape the crazy murderous milkmaid. The milkmaid attacked from the back and tackled the paperboy to the ground. She turned him around until they were face to face. The milkmaid got close enough to the paperboy to kiss him, and Jade almost thought she would until she stared right at the audience and smiled. 

The entire class burst into applause and Cat squealed. Still dazed and confused, Jade remained on the ground until Cat with surprising strength pulled Jade to her feet, held her hand, and motioned for them to bow to the audience together. Sikowitz took a picture of the girls to commemorate the first of many classroom productions. Jade hadn’t expected that, if she hadn’t of known better, she might have even suspected that Cat was secretly cool. Jade pretended not to want the picture Sikowitz printed and handed to her in their next class, but she also framed said photo the minute she arrived home and had kept it on her chest of drawers ever since. It wasn’t long after that day that Jade and Cat started to become friends.


	3. Chapter 3

Jade continued to stare at the framed photo of her and her former best friend. She sat on her bed and tried desperately to drown out the incessant thoughts in her brain, but they wouldn’t leave her alone. She couldn’t stop thinking about her and Cat and frankly, it was irritating. Jade shouldn’t have really expected anything else though. Ever since their first interaction, Jade had always been just a little bit annoyed at Cat.

Sikowitz’s class ended shortly after Jade and Cat’s performance. Jade came to the unfortunate realisation that she also had Biology with Cat period 2. Without Jade’s consent, Cat had sat down next to her on her lab bench and insisted that they work together on the class assignment. Somehow, Cat had also managed to talk Jade’s ear off for almost the entire duration of the Class. Jade wondered if Cat was Capable of surviving without breathing air, because she never really took a break. 

Thankfully, Jade had informed her teacher that she wished to work alone for the homework assignment, and Cat wasn’t in any of her classes for the rest of the day (Cat had checked and compared their schedules meticulously). After bio, Jade made her way to the cafeteria for recess. Jade was looking forward to recess. She had always dreamed of scripting her first big screenplay in the company of some of the best writers in the country. Since she had been young, Jade had dreamed of becoming a Hollywood director, which was the reason why she wanted to get into this school so badly in the first place. Jade found a chair in the corner of the dining area. One with optimal light and minimal sound, perfect for writing. She had planned to sit in silence for the duration of the break. Jade was so completely engrossed in her craft that she was both shocked and angered when a little redhead tapped her on the shoulder and interrupted her flow. 

‘Whatcha doing?’ Cat asked as she took a seat and moved it next to Jade. Cat’s lunch was already on the table. Jade wondered how long she had been standing there. Jade glared at Cat.

‘Do you know the best way to get away with murder?’ Jade asked.

‘No.’ Cat replied smiling. 

‘Well me neither, but I’m sure I’ll find out soon’. Cat continued looking happily at Jade. Odd, usually Jade’s vague threats had a pretty immediate effect on people. 

‘So why do you want to know?’ Cat asked genuinely seeming interested. 

‘I don’t know, maybe it’s for a screenplay I’ve been working on, maybe I just have a personal interest’. Cat continued to appear unfazed. ‘Maybe I have developed this particular personal interest due to recent circumstances and new acquaintances’. Cat continued to smile. 

‘So which is it?’ Cat asked. Jade looked at her incredulously. She was beginning to think that Cat had difficulty understanding social cues. She wasn’t really sure how to respond now that her typical menace proved ineffective. Jade turned the conversation on Cat. 

‘Well… why are you here… with me?’ Jade asked. 

‘Oh, well because you’re my new friend and we’re eating lunch together’ Cat said simply. 

‘Hang on, what makes you think that…’

‘It’s so great that I already have a new friend here! At my old school I didn’t really have a lot of friends, but I guess I had more than my brother. He’s hard to understand. OH! Come to think of it, my brother has looked up how to get away with murder before. Also explosives, and explosive museums, and how to get past security at explosive museums…’

‘But we’re not…’

‘And because you’re my brand new friend, you’re coming to my house this evening to work on our science assignment ee!’ Cat squealed and shook her body with excitement. No, this wasn’t right, she had fixed that. 

‘I’m working alone on that assignment’ Jade said. ‘You don’t have to come’. 

‘Umm… but you aren’t though’ Cat explained. ‘I did see that before your signup sheet said you were by yourself, but don’t worry I fixed it! You can come over at four!’ Cat shook Jade’s shoulder excitedly. 

‘Hang on, you can’t just…’

‘Oh shoot! I forgot something in my bag, I have to go, but I’ll see you after school’ Cat said running off. 

‘Wait, Cat’

‘Don’t worry!’ Cat yelled back, ‘I borrowed your phone to get your number during class, I’ll text you the address. BYE!!’ 

How did she keep doing that? 

As discussed, Jade asked her mom to drive her to Cat’s house that afternoon. Cat’s house looked nice enough from far away, it had yellow rendered walls and a white picket fence. The typical American dream. But when you looked closer, things seemed a little off. The mailbox was overflowing, the grass didn’t look like it had been mowed in weeks, and the side window was covered in masking tape in the shape of an ‘x’ to cover a fist-shaped hole in the middle.  
Jade was beginning to second guess her decision to come here. Was a single grade in bio really this important? Jade was about to ask her mother to leave, but her mother spoke first. 

‘You sure know how to pick your friends don’t you Jade’. Her mother sighed as she pulled into the driveway. 

‘You can talk’. Jade bit back. ‘Wasn’t it your best friend who I saw mak…’

‘Stop!’ Helen rubbed her temples with her index fingers. ‘I can’t deal with you today. I am going to therapy, text me when you want to be picked up.’ 

Jade supposed she would be staying. She begrudgingly made her way to Cat’s front door as her mother drove off without another word. She rang the doorbell, it was… sticky?  
Instead of a little redhead, Jade was greeted at the door by a tall tanned man. He had dishevelled brown hair, his eyes were bloodshot and his knuckles were bandaged. 

‘It’s a doorbell I hear’ the man said ‘hear, clear steer. It was raining and your wife at long bicycles in the east. Do you like wine time? Slime, grime’ 

Right, that had made her mind up. Jade was calling her mother and asking her to take her back home. Jade began to back away, but she heard a high-pitched voice shout ‘WAIT’ and stand beside the man. Cat kissed the man on the cheek. 

‘Sorry about him’ Cat said. ‘Come on upstairs, he won’t hurt you’. Jade was about to protest, but Cat pulled her by the arm through the hall and up the stairs. 

The inside of Cat’s house was just as off as the outside had been. The walls were stained, the paint was chipped and it smelled like… tomato soup? And just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, Jade entered Cat’s bedroom. From the floor to the ceiling, all Jade could see was colour. Everything was either purple or pink. There were more soft toys in Cat’s bedroom than Jade had seen in her life. The back wall was littered with pictures of rabbits, the other walls displayed flowers, and hearts, and just about anything a 6-year-old could dream of, and to top it all off, a giant rainbow pillow on the bed served as a centrepiece to this unicorn vomit of a room. Jade wished she had been wearing sunglasses. 

‘So what do you think?’ Cat asked grinning, as if the welcome she had just received was completely normal. 

‘I think there’s something seriously wrong with your brother’ Jade deadpanned. 

‘He’s fine’ Cat said ‘He just stopped taking his meds for a while, he’ll be back to normal in a week’. 

‘Where are your parents?’ Jade asked.

‘They’re just um, talking to some doctors, so it’s just you me and Frankie tonight’ Cat explained. 

‘Are you sure we’ll be okay in the house with…’

‘I said he’s fine!’ Cat yelled. Jade put her hands up in surrender. 

‘Okay then… where shall we set up?’ Jade asked. 

‘Um, my desk is over here, it’s not very big though… let’s work on my bed!’. Cat had seemingly bounced by from her emotional outburst. Jade shrugged and got to work. She might as well get this over with. 

The two girls worked together for the next hour. Cat went off topic quite a bit, but she was relatively easy to bring back, and Jade figured she could be back home by 6 if she headed off soon. Not being one for social niceties, Jade informed Cat that she was going to text her mom to come and get her. 

‘But you can’t go!’ Cat exclaimed while yanking on Jade’s sleeve to pull her back to the bed. Jade huffed. ‘I don’t want to be alone’ Cat said in a small voice. Jade almost felt pity, but she pushed the feeling aside easily. 

‘I can, and I am’ Jade insisted. 

‘But… I can do your makeup’

‘No’ 

‘We could order a pizza?’

‘No’ 

‘Watch Gossip Girl?’

‘No’ 

‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’

‘No! And… Wait’ Jade paused. ‘You like Buffy?’

‘Ha ha, yeah! It’s like the best show ever made!’ Cat said. ‘They even have a musical episode, how great is that? Don’t you just love Faith?’  
Jade considered this. ‘I’m really more into Willow…’ she decided. 

‘OH OH! Cat lightly slapped Jade’s chest, you kind of look like Faith’. 

‘Yeah’ Jade chuckled ‘and you look a bit like Willow’. 

‘WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?’ Cat yelled. 

‘Nothing!’ Jade clarified. ‘I like Willow, remember?’

‘Haha, oh yeah’ Cat twirled her hair, and seemingly settled once more after her outburst. If Jade had been anyone other than Jade, she might have thought it was somewhat cute. 

‘So uhh…’ Jade said, ‘season 3’?

Jade surprised herself by having a good time that night, yes Cat was annoying, Jade thought, but she was sort of fun too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope You enjoy, just wanted to note down that the thoughts expressed here are Jade's and not my own. Let me know what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

Jade’s Pearphone buzzed bringing her out of her head, and back into reality. Her phone was still in her schoolbag at the edge of her bed. Jade shuffled around and retrieved it. Beck was calling, and it didn’t look like it had been the first time either, there were 9 missed calls on her phone. Four from Beck, 2 from Andre, 1 from Robby, and even one from Vega. On top of that, Jade’s message bank was full of judgemental declarations that Jade had been out of line, and had really hurt Cat, and asking about how she could do this to her supposed best friend. A new one popped up from Beck after Jade ignored his call.

_I know this is a shock, but I also know you love Cat. Come on Jade, you destroyed her today. I know you didn’t mean to but… Just talk to her. She needs you._

____

Did she? Jade had noticed that not one of her missed calls or messages had been from Cat. Jade wouldn’t have been surprised if Cat cut her out completely after today’s outburst. 

____

Not that she cared, Jade didn’t need Cat or anyone else to make her happy. Cat would soon become a distant memory that would be easy to push away and she wouldn’t have to worry about her ever again. Jade had already spent too much time caring for the girl, and now was the time for her to stop. 

____

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

____

Jade stared out the window of her mother’s car as she drove her to her dad’s for the weekend. Jade was already wearing her noise cancelling headphones. The only way she had ever survived the dad weekends was locking herself in her room and pretending she was literally anywhere else. 

____

Helen pulled up on the pebbled pathway of the West mansion. She looked at her daughter. 

____

‘Call me if you need anything’ Helen said. Jade nodded knowing that as always, she wouldn’t. Jade West never needed anything from anyone. 

____

Everything about Richard West’s house was cold and frigid. Richard’s living room was entirely marbled. The walls were ‘decorated’ with monotone pictures of shapes, and limbless statues. Jade had always wondered whether the models had posed like that, or if the artist had simply forgotten to complete the picture. 

____

The rest of the house was much the same. High cost, but low personality. You could pick almost any part of the house out and put it in an interior design magazine with little to no adjustment. There weren’t even family pictures on any of the walls, with the exception of a grotesque portrait of Richard above the fake glass fireplace. Why a fireplace was needed in LA was beyond Jade. Still, that really did fit with Richard’s personality. He kept up the pretence of family every other weekend, but never once acted like Jade’s father when it really counted. Great display, and no substance. 

____

The one saving grace of Jade’s house was her own bedroom. Jade had put a lot of work into her bedroom. She had meticulously searched for the most disturbing and deranged album covers she could find to stick to her wall. Jade hadn’t even liked or listened to half of the music, but the covers made her dad annoyed, and that had made Jade happy. 

____

‘Jade, could you take that filth off your wall? It’s disturbing’ Richard had said the first time Jade had purchased and displayed a record case. 

____

‘No, I don’t think so’ Jade had replied, and that had been the end of their interaction. For months, Jade had added to the collection, leading to an occasional scoff or snide remark, but when nothing more had come from Jade’s rebellion, she just decided to make the rest of the room her own. Jade displayed her favourite classic horror on the walls, and little trinkets of monsters decorated the cabinets. 

____

As usual, Jade’s father was not there to greet her at the door. Jade didn’t care. She had her horror, her music and her craft, and she was content with that. Jade went to stash her weekend supplies in her room. As she threw her rucksack on the bed, she heard a high pitched yelp coming from beneath it. An angered Pomeranian began to bark and yelp at her. Ugh who had let this mutt in here. 

____

‘Who’s dog is this?’ Jade yelled. A blonde woman in her 20's sauntered into the room. Her face was painted in a way that reminded Jade of that one time she had forced her brother into drag. 

____

‘Oh my little Toby woby got a frighty fright. Oh my gosh, this room is certainly interestingly decorated.’ The woman looked around the room disapproving. Richard came into the room and put his arms around the woman to reassure her. 

____

‘Jade, I trust you remember Peta from brunch last month’ Richard said. Jade had vaguely recalled a woman of Peta’s shape at the golf club, but Jade had assumed that she had just been another one of his ‘special assistants’ who sometimes accompanied him to Mexico. This one was still here. Jade looked the woman up and down and turned to her father. 

____

‘So you’re adopting blonde strays now?’ she asked. 

____

‘That’s Peta’s dog Toby’ Richard explained. ‘Be nice to him’. Jade hadn’t been referring to the dog. 

____

‘Me and Peta are going out’ Richard stated. ‘I trust you can take care of yourself’. 

____

‘It’s what I do every other weekend I have with you isn’t it?’ Jade asked.

____

‘Don’t get smart with me’ Richard said, ‘Goodbye’. Richard and Peta turned to leave as Toby started to nibble on Jade’s favourite sneakers. Jade ran out the door to follow her father into the hall. 

____

‘Wait! You forgot your fur thing!’ Jade said finding her father already at the door. 

____

‘Toby will be staying with you today’ Richard closed the door without saying another word. Fantastic. Fine whatever, how hard could it be to take care of one mangy mutt for an evening anyway?

____

As it turned out, taking care of this particular mutt was very difficult. It messed with her whole routine. Jade tried to do some writing, but she had to shoe the dog away from her sneakers, she tried to play the piano but she had to stop the dog from rubbing it’s arse on the carpet. She couldn’t even watch her favourite movie _The Scissoring_ because the dog distracted her by howling at the neighbour’s schnauzer. That was it, the dog was going outside. Jade picked Toby up by the scruff of his neck and tossed him out the back. Toby proceeded to run towards the newly planted tulips and dig them up. Whatever, Jade’s dad had never bothered to actually yell at her for anything before now anyways. The dog started yelping at Jade as she closed the door in his face. 

____

Jade went back inside to make some microwave popcorn and enjoy her movie. One good thing about having a neglectful father was that on dad weekends, Jade essentially lived alone and independently. She kind of liked being almost an adult at the age of 15. Jade finished her movie and stretched out on her couch to enjoy the quiet…

____

Oh shit, it was quiet. 

____

Jade went outside to search for that stupid dog. She methodically searched the entire backyard, then the front yard, and then the surrounding houses on her street. Richard west lived in a gated community, so it was unlikely that the dog would have been able to get through to any of the houses, but Jade looked around and called for him anyway.  
‘Toby! Come here you stupid mutt’. Jade quickened her pace as she searched a little more desperately. ‘Toby! Come here, I’ll give you some chicken? Or like a bone or something? Come on, dogs like beef jerky right, when It’s your lucky day pup’o cause I’ve got a strap with your name on it’. 

____

No luck, and it was getting late. Jade’s dad and his new plaything would be back in a couple of hours, she needed to get the stupid dog back. She needed help.  
Who could she call? Her dad? No, Richard was a pretty hands and all other limbs-off father, but she knew she would be in deep if she’d lost his new girlfriend’s dog the first time she met it. Her mother? Jade’s mother had mentioned that she could call if she needed anything, but no… she, she didn’t want to do that.  
So who did that leave? At times like these Jade almost wished she had friends. Hey what about… Oh Fuck it. 

____

Jade got out her Pearphone and began to dial. 

____

‘Oh my god Jade! I was just thinking about you! Cause like my b…’ Jade cut Cat off. 

____

‘Look Cat, are you busy?’ Jade asked. 

____

‘Well, sort of I…’

____

‘Can you come over?’ 

____

Jade texted Cat her dad’s address and 30 minutes later, Cat arrived drenched, and riding a tattered pink bike. The bike’s handle bar had a massive indent on it. They way it was formed, it almost looked like someone had bent the handle back with their bare fist. Jade thought it best not to ask. 

____

‘Hiiiii!’ Cat grinned as she arrived. Cat motioned to hug Jade, but Jade quickly shouted 

____

‘NO!’ and halted Cat’s efforts. Cat squealed, but stayed in place nonetheless. 

____

‘So listen’ Jade said, ‘my father’s bimbo of a girlfriend brought over a dog for me to look after’.

____

‘OH! Cute puppy’ Cat squealed. 

____

‘No, not cute’ Jade clarified, ‘monstrous, rotten little furball. Anyways, I kind of lost it and…’

____

‘Say no more!’ Cat declared, ‘I will help you find your puppy, with my handy dandy Christmas beef! I always keep a little in my pockets just in case’. 

____

Christmas beef? It was October. Well shit, Jade as it turned out had enlisted the help of a crazy person. This was just fantastic. Not only had Jade humiliated herself by not only calling, but asking for help from the craziest person in school, but Jade’s father would be back any minute to chastise Jade about – 

____

‘He’s HERE!!!!!!’ Cat called in triumph. Jade turned her attention to the girl who sure enough was holding the yappy little furball. She had done it! 

____

‘Ha Ha!’ Jade couldn’t help but join Cat in her yells of delight. Then, Jade surprised herself by pulling Cat in for a bear hug. When Jade’s brain caught up to her body, she backed away. She was feeling a little soggy from the contact. ‘Umm, we better head inside before he gets lost again’. 

____

Once they were inside, Jade and Cat grabbed some fresh towels to dry themselves off a little. As Cat rung her soaked hair with the towel, Jade asked

____

‘So how did you get so wet anyways? Run through a sprinkler on the way here?’ Jade punched Cat’s arm gently, and a slight blush appeared on the other girl’s cheeks. 

____

‘Um no, I…’ Cat paused, ‘my brother accidentally flooded the house again and…’ Cat gestured towards her body ‘it happened while I was in it. My parents are looking for a motel for us to stay in. I guess I better text them to find out where. They don’t deliver cakes to motels, do they?’ 

____

‘Why do you want…’ Jade halted as she noticed for the first time the badge Cat was wearing. ‘Cat is it your birthday?’ 

____

Cat didn’t reply, but she awkwardly scraped one of her feet against the other and moved her hands back and forth in a flapping motion in an effort to calm herself. ‘I’ll text them now’ She said. 

____

As Cat got out her Pearphone, Jade noticed that the drenched little redhead looked incredibly pathetic. Jade felt an emotion in her stomach that she couldn’t quite describe. She’d felt it only once before when a group of 7th graders were picking on her baby brother. It caused her to say something insane. 

____

‘Well do you want to… You could stay over’ Jade said. 

____

‘Really?’ Cat asked, her eyes already lighting up. 

____

‘Uhh sure’ Jade said, ‘We don’t have cake, but I’m pretty sure there’s some mint chip ice cream in the freezer’. At this Cat crashed into Jade and brought her in for a hug. Jade didn’t pull back this time, Cat deserved it. 

____

‘And Cat’ Jade said releasing Cat from their hug. 

____

‘Yeah?’ she asked. 

____

‘Thanks’ Jade said. Despite her better judgement, Jade spent that first night of many taking care of Cat, and she actually kind of enjoyed doing it too.

____


	5. The sleepover part 1

Jade didn’t want to feel anymore. In this moment, she wanted more than anything to be given the body of a robot so that she wouldn’t have to keep feelings this, what was it called? Guilt? Ugh. 

Jade needed a distraction. She decided that she might as well begin to clean up her disordered room a little. Jade tried to focus on the task of restacking her CDs, making the bed and dusting her cabinets. Jade cleaned out her waste basket and reorganised her shelves. It felt cathartic to put everything in its proper place. Jade was almost done with her ordering when her little brother Patrick entered the room. 

‘I heard a racket’ Patrick said. ‘Is everything alright?’. 

‘Fine’ Jade said dismissing him. ‘Leave me alone’. Jade began to close her bedroom door. 

‘But when’s Cat coming round?’ Patrick asked ignoring Jade’s request and reopening Jade’s door. 

‘She’s not, now leave’ Jade said. 

‘But she always…’ 

‘Leave!’ Jade yelled slamming the door in Patrick’s face. She didn’t feel like talking to him right now. He had been right, this had been the first Friday since 9th grade that they had skipped their weekend sleepover, but Jade didn’t care, and she didn’t miss cat. 

........................................................................................................................................................................................

Ever since that impromptu weekend where Cat had saved Jade’s bacon, Cat became a constant in Jade’s life. Jade grew accustomed to having a partner to sit with at recess and lunch, and Jade found that Cat’s animated ramblings helped Jade to pass the time. 

‘Hey Jadey’ Cat had said one lunchtime. 

‘Hmm?’ Jade had replied. 

‘Have you ever thought about how thankful you are to have butt cheeks?’ 

‘Um… I’ 

‘Because… well, think about it. How many other animals have them? I don’t see them or chickens or ducks, dogs just sit on their legs, but we have these perfectly fashioned cushioned pillows right here for our own convenience’. 

Jade had to admit, Cat hadn’t been wrong. Stupid ducks, not having butts. Jade hated ducks. 

‘Seriously’ Cat had continued, ‘not only that, but butt is just a really fun word. And…’ Cat began to giggle as she whispered in Jade’s ear, ‘Have you ever seen like a really good butt? Now aren’t we lucky that those all-so-convenient human cushions are so nice to look at too’. At this Cat began to shake her toosh right in Jade’s face causing the rest of the faculty to stare and Jade to choke on her chocolate milk. 

Despite being a choking hazard, Cat had been a really fun person to be around. Not only that, but Cat was insanely talented. Jade could definitely see why she got into this school. Jade had observed Cat wiping the floor with any other amateur she was partnered with in Sikowitz’s class, and she was also positive that the girl could make singing the Itsy Witsy Spider soulful. From experience. Jade had observed Cat singing a bluesy rendition of the Itsy Witsy Spider in the cafeteria. 

The second time Jade invited Cat around, it was at her mother’s house. She had been hanging out with her brother at the time.  
Jade laid on the chesterfield ottoman in her mothers lounge picking at its holes. 

‘I told you not to do that’ Helen said, ‘you’ll scratch it’. 

‘Whatever’ Jade said as she turned around and sighed. 

‘I’ll be back from around 10.’ Helen said. ‘Patrick, make sure she behaves’. Patrick, Jade’s little brother had been playing with his trains in the corner of the room. Patrick grinned at Helen and said 

‘I know the drill!’ while giving a thumbs up. Helen tussled his dark brown hair and left. 

‘So what you want to do kiddo?’ Jade asked, ‘Monopoly?’ 

‘Yeah!’ Patrick said, ‘But you’re not going to cheat are you?’ 

‘Who me?’ Jade smirked as she got out the game. ‘I will be the boot’. 

‘Um, okay’ Patrick complied. ‘But it has to be a quick one’. 

‘Why?’ Jade asked knowing full well that Patrick could play monopoly for hours on end. 

‘Cause Caitlin’s coming over soon, mom said she could’ Patrick explained as he put his little hat on the board  
.  
Jade began to hand out the cash, swapping her dollar bills for hundreds while Patrick turned away. ‘Does that mean that I have to take care of two snotty nosed brats?’ Jade asked.

‘Do you think your girlfriend would like to star in the sequel of the scissoring, written and directed by yours truly?’ Jade raised an eyebrow in delight. 

‘She is NOT my girlfriend’ Patrick insisted. ‘And be nice, if you scare all my friends away, I’m just going to end up as a friendless los-… I mean, I just think it would be nice if you and Caitlin got along okay?’. 

‘Fine’ Jade pouted knowing that she would never hear the end of it if another one of Patrick’s friends refused to come over because of her. Jade didn’t care what her mother thought, but Patrick was a pretty cool kid, and Jade wanted to them to remain on speaking terms. 

Halfway through their game that Patrick was somehow managing to win despite Jade’s bending of the rules, a doorbell sounded signalling the entrance of a pretty, young blonde. She had two matching ringlets tied with pink bows. Jade felt she might vomit at the sight. Her brother had the worst taste in friends. 

‘Nice dress’ Jade said attempting to smile, but instead half smirking, half glaring at the girl. 

Caitlin ran screaming up the stairs towards Patrick’s room and away from Jade.

‘You promised’ Patrick yelled as he ran after her. 

Well shit. 

Attempting to fix the problem, Jade walked up the stairs and knocked on Patrick’s door. 

‘Hey kid I’m sorry’ Jade attempted, ‘you don’t have to hide’. It was no use, Caitlin was not coming out. This was fine, Jade thought. She would just find a way to keep herself busy.  
Jade scrolled through the channels on her tv. She found some trash, some more trash, and some trash with subtitles. Jade twiddled her thumbs. Perhaps she could work on her screenplay without her brother. Jade sighed. No, she really couldn’t. It just wasn’t as much fun without kids to torture. 

Finding that she could think of nothing else to entertain herself, Jade went up to her room with her favourite pair of scissors and decided to veg out for a bit. She put on some grunge and started to throw her scissors at the ceiling and wait for them to come back down. The act was dangerous, Jade had more than a few cuts and scratches on her from missed landings, but the reaction Jade got from her mom about the dents in the ceiling was well worth the injury. Just as Jade was about to throw another shot, her Pearphone buzzed. 

Cat 12:47 _Hey Jadey, what’chya doing? I’m sitting in a waiting room!_

Cat 12:48 _Hehe waiting room. That’s a funny name. How come they have rooms for waiting, but not like sitting or standing. I would love to visit a bouncy room._

_Figuring that it was as good a way to kill time as any, Jade responded._

_Jade 12:50: _What are you waiting for?__

_Cat 12:51: _My brother. Lately he’s been acting more scary weird than funny weird so he’s going to see the special doctors again.__

__Well that was a relief._ _

_Cat 12:51: _You have a brother don’t you? Does he ever act scary weird?__

_Jade 12:52: _No, not really. Actually I’m usually the scary one.__

_Cat 12:53: _You? Scary? Hahaha that’s funny Jade!__

_Jade 12:53: _No really! Pat’s little friend is cowering in her room, all I did was look at her.__

_Cat 12:54: _Lame._ _

__

That’s what Jade had thought. 

__

_Cat 12:55: _My brother has done way worse stuff than that. Like one time, back when he was funny weird, like when I was 7, my brother found a suit which looked almost exactly like my teddy Roosevelt, so he hid under my bed one night and jumped out to surprise me. I don’t think I slept for a week.__

__

_Jade 12:57: _Haha, that’s pretty good! I never saw a teddy bear in your room.__

__

_Cat 1:00: _Exactly.__

__

_Jade 1:01: _Got to give your brother props, that’s pretty creative, if traumatising__

__

_Cat 1:02: _And THAT’s funny weird. I tell you I’ve experienced just about every way to scare a small child.__

__

_Jade 1:03: _Haha, kind of wish you were here to give me some pointers, I could someone on my side in the fight against the little monsters__

__

_Cat 1:04: _Wait really?__

__

_Jade 1:05: _Yeah, I think this kid is sleeping over and everything, that two days of brat care!__

__

_Cat 1:06: _Oh okay! I’ll get my duffel from the car! I was just going to stay at my aunts and uncles while mom and dad took care of Frankie, but this sounds way more fun!__

__

_Jade: 1:07: _Wait! No, I didn’t mean right now!__

__

_Jade typed the message, but she already knew it was too late._

__

Cat arrived to Helen’s house about an hour later her purple giraffe and a big grin in tow. 

__

‘Oh hi’ Jade said answering the door, ‘just set up in the oof’. Cat pushed past Jade and ran straight towards the kitchen. She slung her duffel on the kitchen counter and began to remove its contents. From the bag came a projector, a saw and more make up than Jade had seen in her life. 

__

‘Okay’ Cat said, ‘I have the materials. Now I know that you’re a storyteller, so you’re in charge of the big plan, but I really think we should do something with all the blues and purples, because I’ve been working on a blend that could really…’ 

__

‘Cat I don’t think we should’ 

__

‘And if we were to do this around the neck, it might look like…’ 

__

‘I told my brother I wouldn’t…’ 

__

‘Not to mention all of the potential this highlighter has to…’ 

__

‘Cat!’ Jade exclaimed, holding Cat’s shoulders to get her attention. Cat fluttered her fake eyelashes. 

__

‘Yes-y?’ 

__

‘I promised my brother that I wouldn’t scare his new friend and I – is that all fake blood?’ Jade asked pointing to what looked like a blood donation bag. 

__

‘Umm… Yes?’ Cat said hiding the bag’s label from view. Cat could see Jade struggling to hold her excitement back. 

__

‘Okay’ Jade said. ‘I think I might have a plan then’. 

__

Cat listened intently as Jade planned out every detail of the plan. Cat prepared her makeup, and Jade set up the rest of Cat’s supplies. Jade was unsurprised to learn that stage makeup was yet another one of Cat’s many skills. Jade almost felt dull in comparison. When they were both done, they waited until it was dark for their attack. 

__

Patrick and Caitlin hadn’t left the room the entire time they had been there. Jade was unsure if Caitlin had even peed, but they must have been hungry. Jade was certain she could entice them with food. 

__

‘Hey Patty’ Jade said as she knocked on her brother’s door, ‘you want some dinner?’ 

__

Patrick came out of his room frowning and with his arms crossed. Caitlin stood behind him, peering over his shoulder, but not speaking. 

__

‘I’m cranky with you Jade’ Patrick said, ‘You promised you’d be nice. I’m telling mum and dad when they get back tonight.’ 

__

‘Aww don’t be like that kid’ Jade said punching Patrick’s shoulder lightly. ‘Come on, I’ve made us a feast. Boxed mac and cheese, nuggets, tater tots! All your faves’. Patrick sniffed the aid, which true to Jade’s word did smell of nuggets. 

__

‘Well… Okay’ Patrick Said. But don’t try anything.’ Jade put her hands up in surrender and motioned for Patrick and Caitlin to leave their room. Caitlin still clung to Patrick as she walked out. 

__

The floors creaked as the West children and their little blonde friend walked down the stairs. The light that hung overhead flickered as they walked. As the group rounded the corner, they heard the wind howl and wail. Caitlin’s grip on Patrick grew tighter. 

__

The kitchen was illuminated only by the light of the stove top. Jade made her way to the pot which sat atop the stove. 

__

Jade lifted the wooden spoon from the pot. ‘I believe your dinner is just about AHH!’ As Jade lifted the spoon dozens of spiders appeared to crawl from the pot, up the walls and into the next room. 

__

‘Why I didn’t put those in there’ Jade said feigning surprise. ‘I don’t really understand what might have… oh no’ Jade quivered. 

__

‘Oh what?’ Caitlin spoke the first words Jade had hear her say. 

__

>‘Well, I don’t want to tell you, it’s too scary, and probably not even true!’ Jade said. 

__

‘What?’ Caitlin asked. 

__

Jade-’ Patrick warned. 

__

‘Well it’s just that… I know that there was a young girl who died in this house way back when. She loved to eat any kind of frozen food – nuggets, tots, pizzas. One day, she was preparing her all time favourite – tots and nuggets, when the oven just exploded, and the girl’s blood and guts went everywhere’ Jade paused for effect. ‘Legend says the girl comes to the houses of kids all around LA looking for more of her favourite treats.’ 

__

‘That story is bull’ Patrick said defiantly. The group heard a crack of thunder and they all jumped simultaneously. ‘But um, I think we should maybe just order a pizza.’ 

__

Just as the group were about to head back out everything went black. Suddenly, a gruesome figure that appeared to have half of it’s face melted popped into their line of vision illuminated only by the light of a flashlight. 

__

‘Got ya’ it whispered. Everybody screamed before Cat turned on the light and began to laugh. She pointed towards the projected screen image of the spiders and the recording of the creepy sounds in between bouts. ‘We did the… and you did the… and then it all went like…’ 

__

Cat couldn’t contain herself, Jade was beginning to wonder if she might run out of breath, but she couldn’t suppress a smile of her own, and then Caitlin and even Patrick began to laugh as well until everybody was on the floor in a fit. 

__

The group had a pleasant dinner together. Jade and Cat cleaned up the mess they had made and sent the kids to bed. Jade attempted to leave the house as it was, but Cat insisted that she had wanted to make a nice first impression with Jade’s mother, and that she didn’t want another Elizabeth incident again. Jade decided not to ask. 

__

As Jade tucked Patrick into bed and kissed him on the forehead as usual, Patrick spoke up. 

__

‘Hey Jade?’ Patrick Asked. 

__

‘Yeah bud’ Jade replied smoothing his hair. 

__

‘Thanks for scaring my friend.’ 

__

‘You’re welcome.’ 

__


	6. The sleepover part 2

Jade made her way to her own bedroom after she tucked her brother in. Seeing that her room was empty, Jade called out for her guest.. 

‘Cat?’ she yelled? Jade heard no response, but saw that her bathroom light was on, so decided to just let Cat be. Jade got out her parent’s barely-used trundle and attempted to make the bed, realising while doing so that she had never bothered, and therefore had never learned how to do so before. Jade stood the metal frame and mattress up with relative ease, but the trouble came when she was tasked with the job of bed sheets. Jade wrestled with the corners of a fitted sheet when she heard a loud bang coming from the bathroom, followed by the sound of what could only have been the entire contents of the medicine cabinet falling to the ground.

‘Sorry!’ Cat yelled. 

‘Just clean it up’ Jade replied. 

Jade managed to get three corners of the sheets in, but found she didn’t have enough room to get the forth over the edge.  
Jade grunted in frustration. 

‘I think you put the corners in wrong’ Cat said, startling Jade. Jade turned round to see cat sitting in her bed and staring at her. Man, that kid could be quiet when she wanted to be. Cat smiled sweetly at Jade in candy jammies. 

‘Why are you doing that anyway?’ Cat asked. 

‘I’m making up the spare bed’ Jade explained. ‘Because you’re sleeping over’. 

‘Oh you don’t have to do that’ Cat giggled. ‘You can just sleep in this bed here with me!

‘No I meant that – Oh just forget it’. Jade couldn’t be bothered arguing. She walked over to the other side of the bed. ‘It’s still pretty early, want to watch some DVD’s for a bit?’ 

‘Sure’ Cat said getting comfortable. ‘You pick’’. 

‘Well that was implied’ Jade said. 

Jade had never really understood girls, or friendship and the two concepts put together were completely beyond her comprehension, but after the events of that day, Jade almost beginning to understand those stupid preteen dramas that were always on TV. Jade began to wonder if she might even enjoy making this a semi-regular thing. 

Season 3 of Buffy continued to play on Jade’s bedside TV. The comfort of the bed and the familiarity of Jade’s favourite show made her feel relaxed. Cat’s soft inhalations played out like a lullaby easing Jade’s eyes gently closed. Just as Jade was about to fall asleep, her door slung open and Jade was rudely introduced to the sight of florescent lighting. Jade turned towards the door. 

‘Ugh mom!’ Jade groaned. ‘Warn a girl!’ 

‘Jade listen’ Helen said, ‘I really need your opinion on… oh.’ Helen, who had initially been solely focused on her daughter turned her head enough to notice another red-haired teenager occupied her bed. She scrutinised the other girl before turning back to Jade. ‘You didn’t mention you had company’. 

‘Well you didn’t mention I’d become the new unpaid babysitter to the grunt’s girlfriend’ Jade bit back. Noticing the tension, Cat interjected. 

‘Hello, Mrs, umm… West? My name is Cat’ she said. 

‘I’m afraid not anymore dear’ Helen explained. ‘You can call me Helen’. 

‘Okay’ Cat responded, processing the new information. ‘Hello Mrs Helen.’ 

Helen pulled a face, but quickly dismissed Cat’s comment. Turning her attention back to her daughter, Helen said ‘Jade, may I speak with you in the hall? Excuse us Cat’. 

With a sigh, Jade lifted herself out of bed and made her way out of the room to follow her mom. 

‘Jessica was at bridge today’ Helen said. 

_The Jessica?_ ’ Jade asked. 

‘Yes’ Helen said. ‘I really don’t understand why she thinks she can just waltz back into our lives after tearing our entire family apart, well then…’ 

Jade sighed and took a seat, knowing that once her mother started her ramblings, she couldn’t stop her if she tried. 

‘I mean really she just comes back with this Helen you were right, Helen, Richard went through at least six other girls after me, I should have listened blah blah blah. Can you even imagine what it was like for me to have to listen to this woman drone on like that?’

‘I’m beginning to’ Jade offered. 

‘Anyway, so then I told her that if she wanted to make up so badly, she was going to need more than a bouquet of carnations and a sap story.’ 

‘Uhuh’. 

‘What do you think Jade, do you think I did the right thing? I really don’t understand what Richard saw in that woman in the first place. I mean to up and leave your family for... I know she’s pretty, but I’m not too bad myself, right Jade?’

‘You’re fine mom, can I go to bed?’ 

‘But there just has to be a reason Jade, what is wrong with me? What does she have that I don’t, what does that bimbo Peta have?’ Helen stared intently at Jade as she asked.

‘Maybe you should talk to your therapist about this’ Jade suggested.

‘She doesn’t understand! You were there, why does Richard have to be so bloody Awful?’ Helen asked?

Jade had had enough. ‘I don’t know’ she said, ‘maybe Dad couldn’t take any more of your constant whining!’ 

Helen’s eyes grew ice cold. Tears formed in Helen’s eyes as she stared at Jade. 

‘Sometimes, I really just wish you weren’t you’ she said. ‘Take your pills’. 

Jade walked back to her bedroom without another word. She entered the room to find Cat sitting cross legged on her bed, her face painted with concern. 

‘Jade are you okay?’ Cat asked. She began to reach her arm out to touch Jade, but decided against it halfway, and put her hands back to her side. 

‘Go to sleep Cat’ Jade said and she got underneath the sheets without another word. The two girls slept on opposite sides of the bed for the rest of the night. 

_That night Jade dreamed about the same thing she had always done. It was her, sitting alone in her room writing. She’d been close to finished, and almost ready to put the pen down when something crashed through the window ready to fight her. Today it was a 16-foot granny with her walking frame. With surprising strength, the granny charged at Jade with the frame. While Jade tried to kick and punch the lady off, Jade was easily pinned down by the lady’s frame. Jade’s attempts at escape lead only to Jade being bruised and her script being grabbed._

_‘No don’t’ Jade cried in vain as the granny ripped Jade’s work to pieces and knocked her unconscious._

Jade awoke in a bad mood. Her jaw was in pain from grinding her teeth in her sleep and her head was killing her. Jade realised she had kicked her duvet off the bed last night as well, so she felt cold. Jade reached for her blankets that were crumpled at the end of her bed and pulled them over her head. 

Jade tried to get back to sleep, but a blaring light from her window made this impossible. Jade looked and realised to her annoyance that the blinds had been opened. Jade closed those blinds every night, she couldn’t see how she could have forgotten unless – oh that’s right. Cat had slept over. Jade looked at the other side of her bed and found it to be empty. Cat must have already been up Jade supposed. Or maybe she had scared her off. Jade didn’t care, she didn’t feel like talking to anyone anyway.

Jade looked at her clock, it read 9:26. Jade supposed that now was a good a time as any to go down and make herself a coffee. Jade slipped into her dressing gown and slippers and trudged down the staircase with all the grace of an elephant. Expecting to see an empty kitchen, Jade was surprised to see the brats, Cat and her mom all seated in the dining area. Jade sniffed the air. 

‘You never make waffles’ Jade said to her mom as she made her way down the stairs. 

‘You never ask nicely’ Helen replied. Jade took a seat next to Cat, and was pleased to find that there were still two waffles on the shared plate and a pot of coffee in the middle of the table. Jade helped herself muttering a small thanks before digging in. 

Jade half-listened to a conversation her mother and Cat had about Helen’s botched mani-pedi. They spent a good 20 minutes droning on about how her nails were supposed to be square shaped and for how little time the shellac had lasted and something about foot-spa etiquette. If Cat had been bored, you wouldn’t have been able to pick it. 

‘Where have you been hiding this delightful girl?’ Helen asked when she was done with her ramblings. She turned to Cat. ‘Jade never brings around nice friends like you, or really any friends at all. Where do you come from dear?’

Jade smirked. She decided to answer for Cat. ‘Cat and I go to Hollywood arts together. You dropped me at her house last week for a class project’. 

Helen, who was obviously recalling the dilapidated house let out a simple ‘oh’. 

‘Your house is really nice Mrs Helen’ Cat said, ‘thank you for the waffles’. 

‘You’re welcome dear’ Helen said, ‘listen Jade, I need to pick up some groceries, Caitlin’s parents will pick her up around 11, so make sure she is ready. 

Helen put a small white prescription bottle on the table in front of Jade. Immediately recognising what it was, Jade grabbed the bottle and quickly pocketed it hoping that nobody noticed what it was. To Jade’s dismay, Caitlin then piped up.

‘What’s that?’ she asked. 

‘Tic Tacs’ Jade lied hoping that the subject would be dropped. 

‘What?’ Helen asked, ‘No Jade it’s your anti-dep’

Jade gritted her teeth ‘Haha, yeah real funny mom’ Jade glared at Helen begging her to get the message to stop. 

‘Don’t be silly Jade, just take two and put them back where they belong. I don’t know why they were moved this morning. You know where they live.’ 

Jade grew increasingly irritated and humiliated. Attempting to keep the peace, Cat interjected. ‘I think that’s my fault’ she said. ‘You see I had a bit of a mishap when I was looking for some moisturiser yesterday.’ 

Jade’s breath quickened. She felt a monster growing inside her that she knew she couldn’t control. All eyes were on her, and she hated it. 

‘So you’re going through my private belongings now?’ Jade asked cat. Cat stood up from her chair and backed away from Jade. 

‘I thought you said it wasn’t yours’ Cat said. 

‘It isn’t’ Jade backtracked growing panicked. She wasn’t a freak, and she wouldn’t have Cat of all people making her feel like one. ‘Nobody at school is going to believe you if you tell them it is!’ 

‘I wouldn’t… Jade, it’s okay, my brother used to…’

‘I am NOTHING like your wack job of a brother’. Jade walked towards Cat as Cat backed away slowly. 'Now I want you to listen to me very carefully. You are not to tell anyone about what you saw today. Got it?'

Cat grew uncomfortable with Jade's anger 'Jade' she pleaded. 

‘I really don’t think this us hanging out together things is working for me, so you can’ just get your stupid purple giraffe, pack up your things and get OUT.’ 

Jade had walked Cat all the way to the back wall. Knowing she had cornered the girl, Jade grabbed onto Cat’s shoulders and looked into Cat’s eyes her face full of menace. Cat’s face grew as white as ivory. She began to hyperventilate under Jade’s touch. Her hands shook back and forth rapidly and she began to mumble something soothing to herself. Jade let go in shock. Jade wanted Cat to be scared, but not like this. Cat curled herself into a ball and began to tremble. Jade had gone too far. 

‘Cat I’m sorry, I…’ Jade was lost for words, she had no idea how to deal with the breakdown she was witnessing, the breakdown she had caused. 

As Jade stood there helplessly, Patrick who up to this point had been watching the scene silently walked up to Cat and enveloped her in a hug. Cat gratefully accepted the contact. 

What had Jade done? Caitlin stared at her still sitting at the table not knowing what to do and Helen seethed. Jade turned round to face her mom. 

‘Take your pills and go to your room’ she said. ‘I’ll wait for Caitlin’s mother and take Cat home too. I cannot even begin to describe how disappointed I am in you right now.’ 

Jade complied. She walked silently up to her room and waited for her mother to leave. Jade sat in her room and stared at the wall. She thought about what a piece of shit she was. Jade didn’t know where it came from, she just had these episodes of raw emotion, and she didn’t know how to control them. Cat had been scared of Jade that morning, and despite herself, Jade had cared. Jade had ruined her one and only chance at friendship, and she had deserved it. Jade had deserved to be alone. 

The next day when Cat didn’t turn up for school, everything had seemed off. Sikowitz’s class had lost its best performer. While Jade was far more efficient when doing her lab assignments alone, bio was boring without Cat’s commentary. Jade had initially revelled in the opportunity to work alone during breaks, but as Jade got out her laptop and her lunch, Jade found that she was not inspired, and that she couldn’t get her words out. 

What was this feeling gnawing at Jade’s chest, and why couldn’t she stop thinking about her annoying companion? If Jade hadn’t have known better, she almost would have thought that she had missed her friend. Jade knew that she was destined to be alone, it was her fate, but she still didn’t want to leave Cat on the terms she had left her last night, so she decided the she had to talk to the girl.

Jade texted her mom and asked her to drop her off at Cat’s house after school. Despite the biting tone of Helen's text reply, she agreed, and Jade made her way over as soon as she was able. 

As Jade waited outside the door of Cat’s house for a second time, she realised that she really had no idea what to say. Jade couldn’t remember the last time she had apologised to anyone and she had no idea how it was supposed to go. 

Jade spent a good 15 minutes standing outside Cat’s house finding the courage to knock when a middle aged Italian woman opened the door. She was the spitting image of Cat, but she had naturally dark curly waves and her eyes looked tired. Cat’s mother, Jade assumed. 

‘Oh hello dear’ the woman said, ‘Can I help you?’ 

‘I’m Jade. A um… friend of Cat’s from school?’ Jade said, unsure whether the statement was true. The woman wore a look of surprised recognition and then of scrutiny. She glanced up the stairs.

‘Cat’s feeling a little ill today she said, ‘I don’t think she is really in the mood for guests.’ The woman began to shut the door in Jade’s face, but she was stopped by a 

‘Wait’ from upstairs. 

The door opened, and Jade had a look at Cat as she made her way down the stairs. Her face was red, presumably from crying. Her hair looked oily and unwashed and her sweatsuit was stained. Cat looked like she’d had just about a good a day as her. Jade felt a pang of guilt. 

‘You can come to my room if you want to talk’ Cat said, her voice raspy. 

‘Are you sure you want to - ’ 

‘It’s fine mom’ Cat said as she grabbed Jade’s hand and led her up the stairs, far less enthusiastically than the last time she had done so. 

Cat and Jade entered Cat’s room, and Cat let go of Jade’s hand. Cat walked to her bed and sat down, picking up her purple giraffe. Jade stood awkwardly by the door. 

‘You told me to leave with him’ Cat said, ‘so here he is. You can sit down if you want to.’ Jade sat at the corner of Cat’s bed not making eye-contact. She chose instead to look at her hands while she thought about what to say. 

‘Listen Cat, I’m sorry’ Jade said as she dared to move her gaze to Cat’s eyes. Cat looked so sad.

‘What for?’ Cat asked still clutching her toy. 

‘Yesterday morning… I didn’t mean for you to… Well, I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I didn’t mean for all of that to happen, I just felt…’ Jade paused, unable to think of the word to describe what she meant. 

‘Embarrassed?’ Cat asked. 

‘Yeah.’ Jade said. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you, it’s just that…’. Jade tried to find her words, but she couldn’t. She was such a coward. 

Cat sat up higher on her bed. ‘I have an idea’. Cat motioned for Jade to get off her bed. Jade thought she was going to shoe her away, but she instead laid on her side facing her bedroom wall. ‘Now you face the other way.’ Jade complied. She laid down next to Cat so that their backs were touching. They looked towards opposite ends of the bedroom. 

‘It wasn’t entirely your fault’ Cat said. ‘The last time I saw anyone that angry, it was my brother, and I ended up in…’ Cat took a breath to compose herself. From behind her, Jade gingerly reached for Cat’s hand. Cat was surprised at the contact, but she moved her own hand as well so that they interlocked. Jade gave Cat’s hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘I ended up in the hospital. I don’t remember much about it, lots of bleeding and screaming. The blood was a nice colour, kind of like my hair.’ 

Jade stiffened from behind Cat and her grip on her hand tightened. Cat began to think that she might have shared too much. Cat began to panic again, but thankfully, Jade distracted her from her thoughts. 

‘I have to take Prozac and go to therapy’ Jade said surprising them both with her candour. ‘I think I might be depressed.’ 

‘I think there’s something wrong with my brain’ Cat offered. ‘My parents had all sorts of tests done when I was younger, they came back inconclusive, and then my brother well… His issues take up a lot of time so…’ 

Jade moved to sit cross legged on the couch, now facing Cat. Cat did the same.

‘I’m sorry you don’t feel safe in your own house’ Jade said. 

‘I’m sorry you’re so sad’ Cat replied. The girls looked into each other’s eyes as they sat in silence, both understood how the other girl felt more than anyone else had ever done before. 

‘I’m glad that we’re friends’ Jade said. ‘If, you know, we still are after what happened. I haven’t really done friend’s much before, I know I’m not very good at it’. 

‘I’m glad we’re friends too’ Cat said. ‘Will you distract me when I get too caught up in my thoughts about my brother?’ 

‘Yes’ Jade replied. ‘Will you tell me when I’m getting too angry and I need to calm down?’ 

‘Yes’ Cat replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the length of my chapters is so inconsistent. Please let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

Jade was once again brought out of her ruminations by the sound of somebody’s voice. 

‘It’s time for dinner’, her mother yelled from downstairs. Dinner? For how long had Jade been zoned out? Jade looked at her surroundings and found that it had become dark without her noticing. Jade’s digital clock read 7PM. It wasn’t that uncommon for Jade to lose time like this. There were times when she just had to think, and when everything in the foreground tended to fall away. Most of the time however, those moments had led to a few minutes of zoning out, not hours. Why couldn’t Jade stop thinking about Cat? Cat… 

No! Jade held a stop sign up to her thoughts. She would get over this, she just had to eat her dinner and get her shit together. Jade turned on the lights and made her way down the stairs towards the kitchen. 

Jade grabbed some cutlery and her plate and sat down at the dinner table. She looked at the murky grey substance in front of her. What was it? Stew? Risotto? Ugh, Jade hated her mother’s cooking. She examined what she thought was chicken but could have easily been a mushroom. To her left, Jade saw Patrick attempting to both shovel every bit of his dinner in his mouth at once and tell his mother every detail about his day. 

‘And so, then I was playing Minecraft with Caitlin, and we build this huge replica of that tower in Dungeon Trekkers, and seriously mom, it’s so cool! It looks like legit identical’. Patrick used his wrist to wipe up slop that had accumulated on his chin and chest. 

‘That’s nice dear’ Helen said feigning interest. ‘My day has been absolutely awful; I just don’t understand why my boss can’t recognise talent when it’s staring him in the face. Seriously Patty, they gave that promotion to Gabriella. I think it was one of those diversity things. I’m all for equality Patty, but I just don’t see why hardworking people like me have to suffer just because of where we come from. Does that seem fair, aren’t I good too Patty?’ 

Jade noticed Patrick looking uncomfortable. She hated it when Helen used her children as her personal emotion sponges. It wasn’t their problem, and Patrick was too nice. 

‘I umm… you’re great mom’ he said carefully. That boy was too sweet for this world. 

Jade couldn’t be bothered to see where this was headed. She got up to discard of her dinner. She hadn’t been hungry anyway. 

‘And where are you going?’ Helen asked her irritated. 

‘Away’ was the only reply Jade gave before she scraped her dinner into the bin. 

‘She’s fighting with her friend Cat again’ Patrick explained. Jade glared at him; this was not his business. Her mom’s either. 

‘Well you better apologise then’ Helen said, ‘I don’t see why we have to deal with your sour mood just because you –‘

‘And why do you assume it’s my fault?’ 

‘Because you always picking…’ 

‘Oh, I’m always? You’re always!’ Jade and Helen continued to talk over one another neither really hearing what the other person was saying. Tears pricked Helen’s eyes, and Jade could feel her rage burning. Jade was almost about break her plate from the pressure she was putting on it, and Helen looked like she might burst a blood vessel, but mercifully, the doorbell rang distracting both women.

‘I’ll get it’ Helen said, but Jade pushed past her determined to be the one to open it herself. 

Jade huffed. ‘What do you… oh. It’s you.’ Standing on Jade’s doorstep was Beck. He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled at Jade. 

‘Well you’re especially unpleasant today’ Beck said, still smiling. Beck looked past Jade towards her other family members. ‘Hey there Helen, Pat’ 

‘Hi honey’

‘Hi’ they replied in unison. 

‘So are you going to let me in?’ Beck asked. Jade said nothing, but held the door open wider, and moved to the side to let Beck past. Beck walked up to Jade’s room without asking for permission. Jade closed the door and followed after him. Jade entered her bedroom and found that Beck was already seated on her bed. 

Beck looked towards Jade and patted the other side of the mattress motioning for her to join him. Jade rolled her eyes but complied. 

‘You didn’t answer my text’ Beck said. Jade simply shrugged. ‘What’s up with you Jade? You’ve never cared about any of this sort of stuff before, what’s with the outburst?’ 

‘I DON’T care’ Jade clarified through gritted teeth. Her body tensed instinctively, and Jade had to effortfully release her hands from the fists she had made unconsciously. She took a deep breath. ‘I just don’t see why she waited until now to tell m- us. It doesn’t make sense, she’s had so many opportunities to before. I mean we’re never not together or were never.’

‘Oh’ Beck said, his face contemplative. ‘You’re offended that she didn’t tell you first’. 

Jade picked at her nail polish and scowled at Beck. Beck smirked, knowing that he had figured her out. 

‘I wouldn’t worry about it’ Beck reasoned. ‘Cat loves you, she loves everyone, but she loves you the most. You know this. The only reason we’re even friends is because of Cat.  
Don’t you remember?’ 

Jade did.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Having made the horrible mistake of allowing Cat to sit next to the window in Sikowitz’s class, Jade found herself having to care for an overstimulated Cat. Cat’s mind was going so quickly, she couldn’t even finish a sentence completely. Cat tugged on Jade’s shoulder, causing her to scowl. 

‘Jadey, look outside, how you ever seen such a beautiful, you know if I ever…, do you think that… SIKOWITZ!’ Mercifully, the entrance for their teacher shifted Cat’s focus momentarily, but it wasn’t too long before Cat’s leg was jiggling once more. Jade was really starting to get irritated, and she wasn’t the only one. 

‘Caterina’ Sikowitz said. 

‘Yes-y?’ Cat replied, still in motion. 

‘Care to explain why you look like you have consumed about 5 of Sinjin’s signature energy drinks?’ Sikowitz asked as he crouched down in front of Cat. 

‘Hmm… well I certainly haven’t done that’ Cat replied thoughtfully. ‘I’m not really allowed energy drinks. Neither is my brother, ever since that time when he mixed like five of them together, and then he went out and decided to pants that sweet old lady.’ Around the room, Cat’s classmates wore looks of horror and concern. Cat’s breathing became quicker, and her rate of speech accelerated. She fiddled with her fingers. 

‘Cat play with this’ Jade said handing her a green squishy, spiked ball. 

‘Ooh! Kay kay!’ Cat replied enthusiastically, calming almost immediately as she ran her hands through its tassels. Sikowitz pulled a face of confusion. 

‘Huh…’ he said before shaking his head and moving on. ‘So today we will be talking about…’. BANG! The sound of car crashing drew everyone’s attention away from the lesson at hand. Without another word, the entire class bolted out of the room in search of the source. 

‘I suppose you’re dismissed then’ Sikowitz said dejected as he reluctantly struggled behind the rest of the students. 

The students made their way to the school’s parking lot. As they approached, they saw that a little blue corolla had collided with a tree. The damage to the car wasn’t too bad considering, the hood of the car was a little knocked up, but it was likely that whoever had hit it had not been going very fast. 

Still full of energy, Cat grabbed Jades arm and hauled her to the front of the line. Jade was about to scold Cat for touching her when she saw a figure from inside the vehicle. 

‘There are people in there’ Jade said. As Jade examined the windscreen further, she saw a pissed off Andre, and a terrified old woman. Jade assumed it was his grandmother. The woman bolted out of the driver’s side and hid inside some bushes. Andre stomped after her in a huff. 

From the bushes, the strange woman began to scream. ‘ANDRE’ she said as her eyes darted in every direction. ‘THERE’S A BOMB IN MY CAR!’ Andre sighed. 

‘No grandma’ he explained impatiently, ‘that was just the indicator. You turned the car, you turned on the indicator, and then you ran the car into a TREE.’ 

‘DON’T YOU YELL AT ME YOUNG MAN!’ the woman continued to yell. Andre sighed and tapped his leg. From the way he had been acting, it seemed like he had to deal with this on a regular basis. Jade smirked in delight. 

‘Come on grandma’ Andre pleaded, ‘just get out of the bushes. We can call the insurance people to deal with the car, you just gotta go home’. Andre seemed desperate. ‘Beck, little help?’ Beck emerged from the group of students. He causally walked up to where Andre was standing, running his hands through his hair in the process. 

‘Hey ma’am, I’m Andre’s friend’ he said. I think we met a few times at your house? Anyway, it’s all good here there’s no bomb’. Beck held out his hand for Andre’s grandma to take. ‘Why don’t you me and Andre go on over and…’ Andre’s grandmother slapped Becks hand away and he stepped back. Beck looked at the group, ‘Any other ideas?’ 

Then, Robbie stepped to the front of the line. Sauntering over to Andre’s grandmother with Rex in tow, he said ‘Not to worry, I happen to have a great deal of experience dealing with some of our more temperamental older - ’. Seeing Robbie and Rex walk over, Andre’s grandmother slapped Rex out of Robbie’s hand. 

‘Ahh’ Rex said as Robbie ran after him. Andre looked towards the group desperately. Beck scanned the room for someone to help before he found Jade. Seeing that he was about to call on her, Jade’s smile turned quickly to a scowl. 

‘No’. 

Andre decided to press her. ‘Come on uhh Jade? I’ve seen you help the red head…’ 

‘Cat!’ Cat grinned. 

‘Yeah, uhh Cat with that little bag of tricks of yours, don’t you have anything for a little old lady whose lost her mind?!’ Andre yelled the last part of that directly to his grandmother who appeared unfazed by his remarks. Jade stood firm. 

Cat tugged on Jade’s sleeve. ‘Jadey, I think we should help them’. When Cat touched her Jade looked at her friend like she was going to slice her in half with her favourite pair of scissors. The onlookers stepped back in fear at the sight of Jade, but Cat remained unmoved and unafraid. Instead of cowering, Cat put on her biggest, and widest puppy dog eyes. 

‘Pleasy?’ she asked in her baby voice. 

‘Cat come on, you know I hate it when you baby talk’. Jade said, her firm look faltering. Cat and Jade had a stare off. For what might have been minutes, the two of them simply stood in place, neither willing to compromise, until Jade breathed out a sigh of frustration. Cat smiled; she had won. 

‘Fine’ Jade said to Cat. ‘What do you think an old lady would like? A crossword or like a hard-caramel candy?’ 

‘No’ Cat said, ‘I have a better idea. 

Twenty minutes later, Robbie, Jade and Beck returned from their respective bathrooms in perfectly tailored dinner suits and sunglasses. Even Rex had been given an outfit, though he was instructed to stay behind for the purpose of their upcoming task. Cat’s wardrobe in contrast, was entirely black. She wore a balaclava and fingerless gloves. She looked like a robber from a kid’s show. Robbie stroked the sleeve of his jacket wondering how in the heck Cat had managed to equip them all with outfits so quickly, but also just running with it, because why not at this point? After a final group check in to ensure what the plan was, everyone headed to their respective posts. 

Jade and Beck were the first on the scene. They walked with authority towards Andre’s grandmother. 

‘Excuse me ma’am’ Beck said. ‘I understand that there has ben a report of a bomb in the area, is that right?’ 

‘THERE IS A BOMB!’ she said, ‘IN MY CAR!’

‘We believe you’ Beck continued. ‘Which is why we are really going to need to do a thorough check of your car. Could I have your keys please?’ Andre’s mother looked sceptically at Beck, then at Jade and handed Beck her keys. Beck walked towards the car. 

‘We’re also going to need you to step back a little while we investigate further, you know, for your own safety’ Jade informed the old lady. She complied and joined the huddle of onlookers. Jade joined Beck in the car. They both gave each other a look demonstrating the utter ridiculousness of the situation. 

‘Oh I found something’ Beck said. He got out his Pearphone and played a track of assorted hammering and drilling noises, hoping that Andre’s grandmother wouldn’t know what actual bomb decoding sounded like. After a few minutes of noise, and some huffing and puffing from Beck, Beck withdrew from the car triumphantly, holding a handful of assorted wires. Jade emerged from the car as well.

‘My goodness, you’ve saved us all!’ Jade exclaimed as she encouraged the crowd to cheer. They did, Andre’s grandmother doing so at a much higher volume than the others. 

‘BUT WAIT’ Andre’s grandmother yelled, ‘WHO PUT IT IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

‘I think I can answer that question.’ Cat emerged from underneath the car. Jade and beck tried their best to feign fear as they looked at the 100 pound hamburgler. Cat ran towards Andre’s grandmother as Andre’s grandmother clutched her purse for protection. Robbie walked up to Cat, and both gently and slowly cuffed her. A small giggle was audible from beneath Cat’s mask. Andre walked over to his grandmother. 

‘I think they got her grandma, you can go on home now’ he said. 

‘NO MORE BOMBS?’ 

‘No more bombs’ Andre said. Almost as quickly as the situation had begun, it ended. Andre’s grandmother called a taxi, the crowd dissipated, and Jade, Cat, Beck, Robbie and Andre slowly walked back to class.

‘How did you know how to do that?’ Andre asked as grabbed Cat’s shoulders affectionately. 

‘Well, my mother always told me not to humour my brother, which I really don’t understand because who doesn’t want to laugh!’ Cat said, causing most of the group to look at her confused, and Jade to lift her backpack in preparation. ‘But anyway, most of the time, going along with whatever my brother is saying is like a really bad idea, but you know… on occasion it works’. 

That had not been the answer Andre had been expecting. Andre removed his hands from Cat’s shoulders. ‘So you put all of our lives on the line and took a gamble on a crazy old lady?’

‘A lady who almost destroyed Rex’ Robbie added, along with a ‘hmph’ from the puppet.  
What a bunch of whiners. The entire school day had been interrupted by Andre’s batshit crazy grandmother, Cat had singlehandedly fixed the entire situation, and these losers had the gall to complain about the method?

‘Do you not realise that Cat literally just saved you from having to institutionalise your carer?’ Jade asked glaring at Andre. ‘Well? Thank her!’ Jade continued to glare daggers at the group until they let out a chorus of

‘nice work’ 

‘I owe you’ 

‘you did good kid’

‘Thank you Cat’ Jade said finally. She smiled affectionately at her friend, and Cat beamed with pride. Because they valued their life, nobody commented on how soft Jade seemed in this moment.

‘She’s right’ Beck said, looking at the group, then Jade, and finally at Cat. ‘You’re pretty cool Cat, and we make a pretty good team acting team. Maybe we should all meet up again in the break.’ 

Jade stiffened slightly. ‘No, I think we’re okay staying…’ Jade looked at Cat who was again giving her the puppy dog look. ‘It’s for acting?’ Beck grinned taking that as a yes. 

‘See you all after second period’ he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, this isn't too much of a tonal shift from the last chapter. I am not a comedy writer by any stretch, or a writer, but this is a story and Victorious is a comedy, so I didn't really know how to reconcile that, and here we are. 
> 
> Just wanted to again point out that Jade's thoughts are her own and not mine and yes she probably should be scolded for her insensitivity. 
> 
> Please again let me know if there are any cultural things I mess up, I often have to google what the American version of common objects is for this. For example, I recently learned that you guys call the front of a car a hood! Who knew?
> 
> Anyways, take care.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter will reference physical abuse.

Beck nudged Jade’s shoulder lightly. Jade shook her head attempting to refocus on him. ‘You okay?’ he asked, ‘you’re all daze-y’. ‘Daze-y?’ she asked, Cat had invented that word way back when.

___________________________________________________________________________

It was a particularly cold day in November of 9th grade, and Jade and Cat entered Jade’s bedroom to begin another one of their sleepovers. The day was to be spent in what Cat had termed the ‘Scary Jade Room’ in Richard’s house. Despite its name though, this room was strikingly tamer than it had once been. Despite Jade’s protests, Cat had insisted on covering Jade’s albums in colourful post-its of giraffes and bunny rabbits. It was very much not to Jade’s taste, but Cat had insisted that she couldn’t sleep in the room if she had to stare at the covers any longer. Jade had decided that her pride and stubbornness were not worth as much as the company she received on the weekends with her frigid father, so the pictures remained. They could be removed anytime Jade wanted anyway, she reasoned. Jade and Cat both put their belongings on the floor before they sat on the bed to make themselves comfortable.

‘Feel like watching old musicals?’ Jade asked Cat, already knowing the answer.

Cat nodded enthusiastically. Cat had brought with her an entire suitcase of disks, all arranged by genre and year of release with precision and care. This was not the first time Jade had seen the pile. Once when they were watching a bootlegged Heathers production, and Jade had put a DVD case in the wrong spot, Cat had almost had a meltdown on the spot. She wouldn’t even speak to Jade for an hour. Cat made her choice, and carefully put the video in Jade’s laptop before putting the case back where it belonged. Cat stared intently at the screen as the movie played. Jade admired this about her friend. Cat was rarely silent. Most of the time, every word on her lips felt like a constant stream of consciousness, and Cat could get distracted by almost anything. At times like these though, when she was doing something she loved, the room could be on fire, and Cat wouldn’t have even noticed.

As a general rule, Jade hated theatre kids. They were loud, and they were obnoxious. In fact, the thing Jade hated most about Hollywood Arts was how many theatre kids were in attendance, but Cat wasn’t like that. Cat’s love for theatre was genuine, and her knowledge comprehensive. Cat loved theatre as much if not more than Jade loved film, and Jade had never found that in anyone else before. But better than all of that was that when Cat was watching a musical, Jade got to hear her sing. As Cat watched her favourite actors on the screen, she mimicked their every action as she belted out the hits. It almost seemed like Cat was learning how to be, and how to feel from what she saw on the screen. Cat was raw talent. Jade thought if she could only hear one sound for the rest of her life, she hoped it would be the sound of Cat’s voice.

Cat sang the last note of the final number and the credits started to roll. For the first time, she looked away from the screen.

‘Did you like that Jadey?’ she asked twirling her hair nervously.

‘Yeah’ Jade replied, ‘Maybe Les Mis is worth all the hype’.

Cat squealed in delight, clearly glad about her friend’s approval. ‘I am hungry though’ Jade noted. ‘Do you think you could go get us some popcorn?’

Cat’s face lit up at the sound of snacks but fell quickly when she noted her environment.

‘Don’t worry’ Jade soothed ‘I don’t think my dad will get here till evening, he’s got a Saturday meeting at the company’. Cat’s grinned returned.

‘Kay kay’ she sang as she skipped down the stairs. Jade busied herself with her phone as she waited for Cat to return. She was surprised to find a news alert with the subject of Richard West had popped up. Richard was a pretty successful man, so Jade knew that people were aware of him, but her father also tended to keep to himself, and the tabloids usually left him alone. Jade looked at the article.

_Aircraft company CEO Richard West is facing backlash after claims that he stole and laundered almost 4 Million dollars of company Profits._

What?

_Mr West has chosen not to comment_ ,

Again what?

_But it has been reported that several outgoing expenses have been left unaccounted for. Documents from a whistle-blower appear to implicate Mr West as being involved. The man is expected to appear in court later in the month_.

What the hell had just happened? Perhaps it was a joke, or faulty journalism. Jade googled her father and found that there were upwards of ten articles from various sources saying the same thing. But he wasn’t, was he? Jade’s father was a lot of things. He was cold and distant probably the worst father in the world, but Jade had never thought that he had been dishonest. Seriously, what the hell was happening? Jade had never known anyone who’d gone to jail before. She knew of it happening of course but was she about to have first-hand experience? She had to… Jade didn’t know what to do, but she couldn’t stand being in this room any longer alone with her thoughts. Jade had to talk to Cat.

Jade made her way down the stairs and towards the kitchen, unsure of what she would say when she got there but determined that she needed to process this with sometime. Unfortunately though, when Jade rounded the corner to the kitchen, the wrong someone was there to greet her.

‘You’re here’ Richard commented plainly. Jade looked at her father, he looked different than he usually had. The typically immaculately presented man was a mess. Richard’s tie hung loosely around his neck, his hair was wet from sweat, and he smelled as if this had been the second day in a row he had worn this outfit. Richards eyes gave away that he hadn’t slept in at least a few days. Like a newly muzzled Pitbull, Richard looked vulnerable for the first time ever.

‘And you brought her’ Richard said, pointing to Cat who stood timidly by the microwave fiddling with her popcorn bag. Richard looked at Cat as though she had burnt his morning toast. Jade instinctively stood in front of her friend, protecting her from his gaze.

‘I assume you’ve seen the story by now’ Richard said, unless you’ve been too distracted by those movies of yours’. Jade noted the dig but chose not to respond to it. Now was not the time to be a smart arse. Jade urged herself to keep the anger down.

‘I saw’ she said.

‘Not that I really need your approval Jade, but it is far from true.’ Jade didn’t know whether to believe her father. He had always been hard to read, and he was not a nice person, but Jade desperately wanted to not be the blood relative of someone who would do something that the tabloids had said he did.

‘Okay’ Jade said.

Richard put his hands to his forehead to rub his temples. Jade had never seen the man so stressed out. ‘This just really isn’t a good weekend for you to be over, especially with your little friend here’.

Jade felt her anger begin to simmer. ‘Her name is Cat’ she said.

‘Do NOT use that tone with me’ Richard raised his voice. ‘Seriously Jade, I just don’t understand what you want from me.’ Richard was starting to pace back and forth. ‘What anybody wants. I mean I worked for that company for 15 years. For fifteen FUCKING years, and then they have the gall to just…’ Richard banged his fist on the table. Jade instinctively grabbed Cat from behind to protect her. Jade could feel Cat starting to tremble. She couldn’t make the situation worse. Jade counted to ten in her head.

1 – 2 -3

‘Listen Dad, ‘I think maybe you could use some sp’-‘

‘I am the father Jade, and I will make the decision here.’ Richard continued with his pacing as he spoke frantically.

4 -5 - 6

‘I mean I just feel like everything I say with you goes in one ear and out the other’

7 -8 – 9

‘You have never respected anything that I say. I mean seriously, that shit in your eye, and your hair… It’s not wonder I’m getting questioned in the office, my own daughter won’t stay in line.’ Line? What fucking line? As far as Jade was concerned lines were too much effort for Richard to even bother with. The bubble of rage which had been simmering up to this point burst and Jade let loose everything she had been feeling.

‘Listen here daddy’ Jade bit. ‘I don’t think I have ever received even one bit of parenting advice from you. And I mean now that I’m seeing what kind of person you’ve been all these years, can’t’ say I feel like I’ve missed much.’ Jade stared down her father, challenging him. ‘Honesty, with the man you are today, you’re lucky you’re getting piercings and haircuts rather than meth and prostitution!’

Richard face grew white with anger. He grabbed Jade by her collar and pulled her close. Jade thought he might hit her, but instead he said

‘You know, me and your mother never really fought until you came round. I don’t know what either of us did to get someone this emotional.’ Richard released his daughter. ‘You should probably go.’

Richard slowly and deliberately walked to his office and slammed the door. Jade rubbed at her collarbone. It stung a little from Richard’s contact. Jade turned round to see that Cat was frozen in place.

Her face was stone cold, and her hands were moving so much, Jade thought they might break off. Cat looked off into the distance, clearly having travelled to some place better than here in her mind. Jade wondered how often Cat went there. Gently, Jade stroked Cat’s shoulders, attempting to pull her back. ‘Hey Cat’ Jade held Cat’s hands, but Cat remained unmoved. ‘Cat?’ she asked concerned. Jade put her hands to Cat’s cheek. ‘Baby girl?’ As Jade touched Cat’s face, she was brought out of her trance.

As she made eye contact with Jade, Cat sprang into action. Cat pulled Jade by the arm as she ran upstairs and into Jade’s room. She then released Jade’s hand frantically packed her suitcase. Jade’s heart fell. Cat was so pure, and so good. Of course she couldn’t handle Jade or her fucked up family. Cat would leave Jade’s life just as quickly as she had ent… Hang on, was Cat packing up Jade’s things too?

‘Cat what are you doing?’ Jade asked as she witness Cat stuffing five shirts into Jade’s duffel before knocking her DVDs out of their suitcase in search for something else.

‘Looking for my brush have you seen it?’ Jade lifted the flap of Cat’s bag to show a small pink brush already sitting within it. Cat turned her attention to her DVD collection which she stuffed back into the suitcase haphazardly.

‘But I mean…’ Cat grabbed Jade’s underwear, causing her to blush, ‘why are you packing up my bag too?’ Jade clarified.

‘Because we need to go’ Cat said plainly. Cat managed to fill hers and Jade’s overnight bags with almost everything that had been in them just hours before.

‘Is your toothbrush in the bathroom? I’ll just run and…’

‘Cat!’ Jade gently grabbed Cat’s shoulders to stop her. ‘Hey, it’s okay’ she soothed. Cat’s eyes sprouted fresh tears.

‘No, it isn’t!’ Cat exclaimed. ‘We’re out now, but he always comes back. And I just can’t have you…’ Cat’s breath quickened, and Jade was worried she might shut down again. ‘Please.’

‘Okay’ Jade said, ‘I’ll grab the toothbrushes, you grab everything you need and we’ll go. Don’t forget your giraffe’. Keeping to her word, minutes later, Jade returned to her bedroom toothbrushes in tow. Cat stood by her bedroom door with twin duffels and Jade’s backpack at her feet. The two girls made their way down the stairs and out the door. Richard didn’t make a sound as they left.

Cat’s breathing remained quick and shallow as she walked down the street. Jade found herself unsure of how to comfort the girl. Jade couldn’t even begin to process her own emotions, let alone her friends, but Jade didn’t know how much longer her friend would function if she didn’t find a distraction fast. Jade took a wild stab.

‘Do you want to sing a duet?’ For 20 minutes, the pair both put all of their focus and attention on the songs they sang. Renditions of Wicked seemed to deescalate them both for a while, but Jade realised that she had no clue where she was headed, and it was getting cold. Jade stopped in her tracks, and Cat turned round to see what was happening.

‘I don’t really want to go to my mom’s house’ she said.

‘Okay’ Cat replied, turning round to head off again, but stopping when she realised Jade hadn’t followed.

‘I am definitely not going to your house again’ she stated.

‘Alright’ Cat said, and she turned round once again. Still Jade had not moved. Cat turned back in confusion.

‘Where are we going Cat?’ Jade asked.

‘Oh’ Cat said, ‘I know a place, follow me’. After another 30 minutes of walking, Jade began to grow tired and irritated. Did Cat really have any idea of where they were going? Jade was just about to insist that Cat tell her exactly where they were headed when she began to see some very familiar surroundings.

‘Ta Dah!’ Jade looked up to see the archway to her school just ahead. She was not impressed.

‘Cat, I am not going to school on a Saturday’ Jade complained.

‘Aww, come on’ Cat encouraged, ‘you’ll like this. Just follow me.’ Cat walked past the main gate and motioned for Jade to follow. Jade sighed. Cat snuck through an unlocked window, walked towards a hallway, and climbed a ladder with Jade straggling behind just a little as she followed. As Jade reached the top of the staircase, she saw a tiny little cupboard of a room which she crouched to enter. Jade entered a storage room. It had been filled with ropes and buckets, but Cat had clearly put a lot of effort into making it more homely. It was decorated with fairy lights, Cat’s blanket, and another one of Cat’s giraffes. Jade wondered how many nights Cat had spent here recently.

‘Cat what is this?’ Jade asked, gesturing to her surroundings.

‘I go here sometimes when I don’t feel like being at home’ she explained.

‘This room smells like bleach’ Jade said.

‘That’s what this is for’ Cat said, holding up a coconut scented candle.

‘And the cockroaches?’ Cat held up a can of bug spray. Huh, she really had thought of everything. Jade and Cat sat on Cat’s “mattress” which almost sank to the floor with the weight of them both. Jade wiggled her butt around, attempting and failing to get comfortable.

‘Cat, this is ridiculous, I am not staying here’ Jade said resolute.

‘Please-y?’

‘I don’t understand how you can live in this sty Cat, can squatting in a rat-infested closet really be better than what’s at home?’ Jade asked. The look on Cat’s face gave her the answer she was looking for. Poor Cat.

‘Do your parents know it gets this bad?’ Jade asked. Cat looked at Jade confused.

‘That what does?’ she asked.

Jade grew frustrated. Not at Cat, but at her inability to say what she wanted to say in way that was clear enough for Cat to understand, but gentle enough to keep her in the room.

‘That your brother is so scary’ was what Jade settled on.

‘Oh’ Cat looked at her hands. ‘They live with him too’.

‘Then why don’t they –‘Cat started withdraw into herself once again.

‘I’m sorry just...’ Jade sighed, and gave up her efforts. She handed Cat her suitcase. ‘I think you should order these properly.’ Cat’s face eased as she rearranged her prized possessions. It seemed like she had done this a million times. Cat ordered and reordered her disks until she felt content. Jade and Cat sat back on the mattress and stared at the wall.

‘What’s going to happen to your dad?’ Cat asked. Jade shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She didn’t know. Jade couldn’t even begin to process what had happened that morning. Was her father going to prison? Would he lose all his money? Jade wondered what it would mean for her if her father became a criminal, she wondered if she would enjoy the freedom of not having to see him every other weekend. Most of all, Jade wondered, if it was all true, how she could have possibly not known. Jade began to ruminate and panic. Cat had opened the lid on Jade’s thoughts, and Jade didn’t know how to escape them. What if, what if, what if. Jade’s thoughts played on repeat like a broken record, and she didn’t know how to make them stop. All of the light left the room, and Jade thought she might never get it back until…

Cat was in front of Jade looking directly into her eyes. Her hands were on Jade’s shoulders, and she was bringing Jade back in a similar way Jade had done for Cat moments earlier. Cat wiped tears away from Jade’s eyes. Had she been crying?

‘You’re all fade-y’ Cat said, looking at Jade curiously. ‘I didn’t know that happened to you too.’ Jade and Cat held each other’s hands attempting to keep themselves in the room.

‘I’m sorry’ Cat said, ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. My mom says I need to watch my words more because –‘

‘No’ Jade squeezed Cat’s hand, ‘you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just… I don’t really know what’s going to happen.’ Jade was lips quivered and she struggled to get the next few words out.

‘I’ve never… had a dad who was a criminal before’. Cat rested her head on Jade’s shoulder.

‘Yeah, you definitely had no way of seeing that coming’ Cat said. Jade smiled a little, thankful for the validation. A cold breeze blew through the room, and Jade became aware of just how freezing it was in this room. Cat had clearly noticed this as well as she began to shiver. Jade lifted Cat’s blanket to cover them both, it didn’t really help.

‘Cat’ Jade said as she huddled on the bed with her friend, ‘you can’t stay here anymore. You’ll freeze to death’. Cat remained resolute.

‘It’s not all the time’ she reasoned, ‘and you’re warm’ Cat snuggled in closer. It was sweet, she was like a little lapdog, but it was still too cold.

‘Come on Cat’ she said, ‘we’ll go to my mom’s.’

Reluctantly, Jade and Cat made their way to the parking lot. They saw Helen pull up, and they got in the car. Jade braced herself for her mother’s ranting and criticism.

‘I really just do not understand how you girls ended up at that school’ there it was. ‘I mean really, I bet you heard what happened to Richard didn’t you?’ She asked not expecting a reply.

‘It’s not that I blame you, I wouldn’t want to be around that cretin of a man either, it just would have been so much easier to pick you up directly from…’ Helen looked at the rear-view mirror to find her daughter’s head rested against the window. Jade’s collar was dishevelled and her eye’s looked red. Helen couldn’t remember the last time she had seen evidence of Jade crying. Helen’s tone softened.

‘Why didn’t you just ask me to pick you up?’ she asked.

‘I just didn’t really feel like listening to you talk about this’ Jade said, and she rested her head once more. Helen was stunned into silence for the rest of the car ride.

A little while later, the group arrived at Helen’s house. Jade and Cat made their way to Jade’s bedroom and turned on the space heater. They heard a gentle knock on the door and saw Helen enter. Helen held two cups of herbal tea in hand and a plate of cookies. She set them on Jade’s desk. Jade and Cat thanked her, and Helen almost left the room without speaking, but before she opened the door, she turned around.

‘Jade’ she said, I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t just talk to me or come home when things got bad’. ‘I know I can be a lot to deal with sometimes…’ for the first time ever it seemed like Helen was struggling to find her words. ‘Please just do call me if you want help’ she said to Jade, and then looked at Cat as well. ‘You too Cat.’

‘Okay’ they replied in unison. Helen looked like she wanted to say more, but in a rare act of self-discipline, she contained herself and left the room.

Jade picked up the two cups of tea, handing one to Cat and keeping one for herself as she sat back on the bed.

‘Please don’t go back to that room’ Jade said, ‘you don’t have to anymore, just come here.’

‘Okay’ Cat said, moving her pinkie towards her friend encouraging Jade to link it with her own. Jade rolled her eyes but linked her finger with Cat’s anyway.

‘It’s not true you know’ Cat said.

‘What isn’t? Jade asked.

‘What your dad said Cat explained, I don’t know your parents very well, but from what I have seen, it doesn’t really make sense that they wouldn’t have argued before you came along, and it doesn’t really make sense that you could have been the cause.’ Jade felt an emotion she couldn’t really describe. The girls sipped their tea.

‘I’m picking the movie this time’ Jade said.

‘Kay Kay’ Cat replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, please let me know your thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to physical abuse and mental illness

Jade felt an irritating tickle as green tassels assaulted her face. Jade picked up the offending green ball. 

‘Hey!’ Jade nudged the culprit in the chest. ‘What was that for?’ Beck chuckled. 

‘From the way you’ve been acting, I thought you could use one of Cat’s calming toys to ground you’. Jade scowled but picked the ball up and moved it between her hands anyways. 

‘Where did you find this?’ Jade asked. Beck pointed to the third drawer of her dresser. Jade was about to open her mouth and ask how they hell he knew that, before Beck said 

‘I told you before, I’ve known you 3 years. Come on, half your room is filled with toys for Cat. I know how much you care for her more than anyone. You know that.' 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Jade scrunched up the orange duvet and attempted to stuff it in a box before it promptly fell back onto the floor. Cat smiled at Jade before picking up and refolding the blanket neatly. 

‘Bedsheets hate me’ Jade said. Cat looked at her sympathetically before moving onto the task of coiling her fairy lights. She placed them in the same box, and Jade and Cat’s work was complete. The girls looked at the room. Once Cat’s refuge, the room was restored to its original state as a simple storage closet filled with rope, bleach and the last of Cat’s boxes by the door. Cat sighed as she looked at her surroundings for the final time.

‘You ready?’ Jade asked. 

Cat nodded her head yes. ‘You’re right, I don’t need it anymore’ she said. ‘Plus, who wants to be in the closet their whole life?’

‘Yeah, we should really get out of it.’ Jade helped Cat to pack her belongings in the trunk of her mother’s car, neither explaining what they were doing there, and Cat’s mother not asking. 

Cat was about to enter the passenger side, but Jade stopped her before she was able. She grabbed Cat’s shoulder and turned her around. 

‘Come over if you need to yeah?’ she said. Cat nodded and silently stepped in the car. Jade watched silently as the Valentine’s drove away. Only when her own mother beeped her horn in frustration did Jade realise, she had been staring. Helen gave Jade a look she could not describe before drawing her attention back towards the road and as usual droning on about her day. Jade put on her headphones and ignored the world.

After the events that had preceded her the night before, Jade had decided that there would be a permanent ban on everything related to… it. It was easy to pretend at school. Jade wasn't as proficient at pretending as Cat, who seemed to have been playing a role with every waking moment, but Jade had been accepted into Hollywood Arts for a reason too. Any time a look or a comment from another student threatened to pop Jade and Cat’s bubble, she closed the hole right up with menacing looks and sarcasm. 

Menacing looks didn’t work as well on Jade’s mother, so she mostly just put on her headphones, or closed her bedroom door whenever Richard or Cat’s name was mentioned. 

The bubble was harder to maintain when Jade was alone. Jade’s mind was her enemy. It attempted to pull her back into that place again. The place where the world was heavy, and all of its colour was gone. The place where Jade had to hurt people, and where a monster inside of her which she couldn’t control burned everyone she met. 

To manage this, Jade removed everything in her life that let the monster breathe. The television stayed off. Jade put a social media block on anything that mentioned… it. And Jade filled every inch of her spare time with writing, acting or music. An added benefit to Jade’s denial was that she was becoming better and better at what she did. She impressed Sikowitz so much that she got the lead in the next school play right alongside pretty boy Beck. 

‘This play is about coming to terms with, and even accepting the darker parts of ourselves’ Sikowitz explained. ‘Jade’s Character for example is a humble waitress who works 9-5 at a diner and makes coffee. She also however scolds the customers she doesn’t like just a bit with that coffee.’ Jade smiled, thankful for the new idea. Sikowitz sipped his coconut and continued. 

‘Becks character is a young bricklayer who sets fires to buildings just to find something to feel’. Jade smiled wider, this was definitely her kind of play. ‘Learn your lines everyone, I will see you next week.’ At this, Sikowitz walked his briefcase and coconut out the window and left. Jade rolled her eyes and examined the script as she walked out the door and towards her locker. 

‘So we’re the stars then’ Beck leaned casually over the locker next to Jade’s. 

‘So it would appear’ Jade said not looking up. 

‘There’s a lot of lines in this play’ Beck said, ‘we’re going to need quite a bit of time to rehearse.’ Jade scoffed. 

‘Speak for yourself’ she said, ‘I could learn Shakespeare in a day.’ Jade raised her eyebrows at Beck in challenge. 

Beck smiled. ‘I bet you could.’ 

‘So are you going to be getting to a point soon?’ Jade asked, Beck grinned wider. 

‘Alright then, don’t bite my ear off’ he said, Jade was tempted. ‘I was thinking that even though I’m sure you could just glance at this thing and knock it out the park, I would feel better if we actually practised sometime.’ 

Jade closed her locker. ‘Alright’ she said handing Beck her phone. ‘Put my number in, you can come over around 4.’ So bold, Beck had never met a girl like that before. 

‘Well go on then, put the number in’ Jade said growing irritated. 

Beck chuckled ‘sure’ he said, taking his time to search her phone. When Beck finally completed the task, Jade snatched the phone back from his hands and made her way down the hall. She turned around before leaving him completely to add 

‘and bring me some donuts.’ 

When the school day was over, and when Jade escaped her car ride with Helen, she went straight to her room to make work of her homework. Jade had been an uncharacteristically diligent student for the past few weeks. She had been so motivated to rid her mind of unwanted thoughts that even geometry seemed preferable to the alternative.

Jade had almost wished she were busier. She had proven her teachers right when they said not leaving things to the last minute actually lightened the load day to day, and by 3:45 Jade was finished. Jade figured she may was well have a look at Sikowitz’s script before Beck arrived. 

As Jade read the script, she realised that her first impressions of the play had been right, this story was awesome. Each character in the plot was more deranged than the last. There was however, one part of the play that confused Jade. As the story progressed, Jade realised that the characters never managed or really even intended to change who they were inside. It seemed to Jade that they were all the same people going into the story as they were coming out, and Jade didn't really understand it. How were the characters supposed to develop if they didn't rid themselves of what had made them bad in the first place? Jade was unable to finish the script and answer this question as an irritating tapping sounded from her window, distracting her. She huffed and walked towards the source of the sound. 

From her window, Jade could see a smug looking Beck rolling a pebble in his hands and half smiling at her. Jade scoffed. 

‘You’ll damage the glass’ she yelled out the window. ‘Ever heard of a door?’ 

‘Kinda hoped you’d think this was cooler’ Beck responded whipping the hair from his eyes. Jade’s expression remained flat. 

‘You’re late’ Jade said. Beck hesitated. 

‘Well I uhh… was kind of hoping you’d think that was cool too.’ He glanced towards Jade who was still unimpressed. ‘But I suppose that was wrong’. Jade raised her eyebrow. Cool, laid back Beck almost looked nervous. Jade chuckled. He was clearly not used to having to try this hard. Jade decided to grant the kid some mercy. 

‘Come on then, we may as well get started’ Jade yelled at him, his face relaxing. Beck began to climb the tree at the front of Jade’s house. She rolled her eyes. ‘Through the front door, weirdo’. 

Jade found herself actually having a good time with Beck, something she was somewhat surprised by. Beck was after all a pretty boy. Everything in his life seemed to come easy to him; He had hoards of girls following him around all the time, everyone he met hung on his every word, and it was clear that he never really had to try to be noticed. People like that, who never had to try… well they were usually boring, but with the girls absent and nothing between him, Jade and the script, Jade could see raw talent and love for his craft too. The two of them became completely immersed in the story, and hours passed without them even noticing. Jade felt a dryness in her mouth, and decided it was time to break for water. Jade and Beck made their way down to the kitchen. 

Jade handed Beck a can of lemonade, and he drank it gratefully. 

‘Pretty good stuff back there’ Beck said. ‘You weren’t lying when you said you could act.’ 

‘I don’t lie’ Jade responded. Beck smiled. 

‘Yeah, sounds like you’re rather good at telling it how it is’ he said. Jade sipped her own drink. 

‘You’re not to bad yourself’ she said. ‘You know without the army of mindless followers around.’ Beck raised an eyebrow. 

‘That almost sounded like a compliment’ he said. Jade’s expression hardened.

‘Yeah well, don’t let it go to your head.’ Beck’s head was already too big, Jade decided. And really not as attractive as everyone else seemed to think. On the other hand, that hair…

Only when the doorbell sounded did Jade realise she had been staring. Jade’s face felt hot as Beck looked back at her. Thankfully, if Beck had noticed, he didn’t comment. 

‘So are you going to get the door?’ Beck asked. Right the door, Jade shook her head and refocused, what was with her? 

‘It’s probably just Cat, I’ll just let her…’ Jade was stunned into silence when she caught sight of her friend. Her clothes were torn at the collar. Jade couldn’t see any red or blue, but Jade noticed that Cat was wearing an abnormally thick layer of make up. Jade took a strand of Cat’s hair into her hands sympathetically. 

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Jade asked forgetting momentarily about her promise to block out anything real. 

Cat shook her head no and handed the other girl a pile of DVDs. Bubble back up then. 

That night, as well as many others in the coming weeks, Cat stayed over. She’d often show up around 9 or 10, her tattered bike in tow. Jade would let her in, and neither party asked any questions. That became the unspoken rule. 

The girl’s sleepovers weren’t silent, far from it. From the minute Cat arrived until the minute she laid her head on the pillow her mouth moved. Jade wondered how she always found so much to talk about. Still, nothing was ever said, not really. It was like there was this locked box, and everything that was messy was thrown into it and placed outside of Jade’s door. 

Cat made it easy to keep that box shut too. Cat was such a fantastic actor that she invented an entirely different image of herself than the one Jade imagined she showed at home. The one she had caught glimpses of in Cat’s meltdowns. When Jade was in this bubble, she felt like she could pretend too. She could pretend that she was a normal girl. One with a best friend, and parents who loved her. She could be a girl whose wiring wasn’t permanently damaged. 

But the once impenetrable bubble started to develop cracks as time went on. Every week Cat looked more fragile, wore more makeup and more clothing than the last. Cat's mask was still intact, and she still smiled, but Jade couldn't ignore the signs that things were getting worse. And when Patrick and Helen asked more questions Jade began to wonder why she tried so hard to dodge them. Jade wasn’t stupid, she knew she couldn’t protect Cat forever. 

‘Cat’ she said, ‘We need to talk about this.’ The pair were sat on Jade’s bed and Cat was in constant motion trying to find a comfortable place to sit. Jade wondered what had happened to her thighs. 

‘About the turtles?’ Cat ask, clearly in avoidance rather than ignorance. ‘Because I agree, plastic bags no more! I saw that movie on National Geographic, Jade it’s so sad.’  
Jade grew frustrated, but she took a breath to calm herself. 

‘No, not about the turtles’ she said. ‘Look Cat, look at you, you can barely sit’. 

‘I’m fine, really’ Cat said as she adjusted her positioning. 

‘Listen' Jade said, 'there are people who can help…’ 

‘I don’t NEED help’ Cat said. ‘Please, let’s just watch the movie.’ 

‘Cat’ Jade said as she placed her hand on Cat’s arm, she winced in pain so Jade promptly removed it. ‘Listen, we can just have a chat to my mom, and…’ 

‘No!’ Cat said, ‘Don’t tell your mom.’ 

‘Fine’ she said, ‘I won’t. But we still have to deal with…’ 

‘No we don’t!’ Cat grabbed Jade’s spikey ball from the dresser and began to pace. ‘I really think we should stop talking about this.’ 

‘We can’t do that anymore’ Jade said, ‘Your brother is…’ 

‘My brother has some… issues’ understatement of the year ‘but it’s not his fault, he doesn’t mean to’ 

‘Then your mother should be putting him some place that fixes those issues’ Jade said. 

‘I’m handling it!’ Cat said. 

‘Are you?’ Jade questioned, ‘Because you’ve been here just about every night this week, and you look worse each and every time.’ 

‘Gee, thanks’ Cat said. 

‘Cat, that’s not what I meant’ 

'Yes you did' Cat said, 'you think I'm ugly!' 

'Of course I don't, Cat...'

‘If you didn’t want me here, you could have just said so’ Cat said before she threw the ball back at Jade. 

‘Come on, of course I want you…’ 

‘See you round’ Cat said as she picked up her overnight bag and left the room silently. Shit. 

Jade sat on her bed and stared at the wall. She grew worried. What was happening with Cat? What was going on at home that she would never quite talk about. Should she call…

No. Stop it Jade. Jade had to remind herself that she did not care for other people. So Cat didn’t want to talk, fine. Bubble up. 

It was easy to ignore Cat at school. After their conversation, Cat had avoided Jade like the plague, and Jade had no interest in speaking to her either. Besides, she had a play to perfect. 

As Jade continued to practice with Beck, she realised that he was actually pretty funny. A rare trait in someone so handsome. Jade almost choked on her lemonade when Beck emerged from her mother’s bedroom wearing her nicest green frock paired with 6 inch heels and clean-shaven legs. She’d never seen a better rendition of single ladies in her life. 

The way the pair performed opening night almost managed to distract Jade from the pain in the pit of her stomach every time her mother, Beck or any of her other not-really friends asked about Cat, but not quite. 

Even though Jade could avoid Cat, every day it was harder to ignore that worry. Jade glanced over to Cat during Bio. Her mask was still present, but she barely talked anymore. Jade hadn’t seen her get into trouble for speaking out of turn once this week, and that wasn’t right. 

Should she call her? 

No. She left Jade, not the other way around. Cat should apologise to her. 

But still… Ugh this was frustrating. Jade spent 10 minutes staring at her phone wrestling with herself until she flung the phone on the bed in defeat. She just had to leave the room. 

OOF 

Jade got up to leave in such a hurry that she didn’t even notice Patrick walk up to her door. 

‘Ouch’ Patrick said rubbing his head from the collision.

‘Sorry kid’ Jade said. ‘What are you doing anyway, want to play Monopoly again?’ Patrick wore a look of concern as he shook his head no. 

‘Your friend Cat is at the door’ he said. ‘You better come quick.’ 

Jade made her way to the door. She inhaled sharply when she saw what Patrick had warned her about. Cat’s eyes were red and blotchy. Tears were still streaking down her cheeks. One of her arms laid limp while the other held it up for support. Cat was visibly shaking. Jade’s heart ached. 

‘Baby girl’ she cooed. Without asking what happened, Jade put her arms around Cat and guided her up the stairs towards her room. 

Knowing that Cat was not ready to talk Jade placed her on the bed and gave her a minute. Cat promptly curled into a ball. Jade picked up Cat’s favourite toy from the dresser and began to stroke Cat's hair. 

‘Here’ Jade said placing the ball in Cat’s hand. Cat unfurled from the fetal position to look at it. 

‘Take some breaths.’ Doing what she was told, Cat moved the ball between her fingers and focused on her breathing. With time, it began to slow as she focused on the sensation of the green tassels. 

Jade stroked Cat’s arm, but she shrunk back in pain. Jade grimaced. 

‘Baby girl, what happened?’ Cat opened her mouth attempting to speak but she was unable to get the words out. It was like she couldn’t turn the thoughts in her brain into sounds. Cat became visibly frustrated, so Jade tried a different tact. 

‘It’s okay’ Jade said, ‘we’ll do yes or no, just nod or shake your head.’ Cat nodded her head to indicate she understood. 

‘Did your brother do that?’ Cat nodded. 

‘Do your parents know you’re here?’ Cat shrugged. 

‘Cat, where are they?’ 

Cat took a deep breath, attempting to find her words. ‘The hospital’ she replied. 

‘Do you want to go there?’ Jade asked. Cat remained still and silent for a while, considering the question, before she finally nodded her head yes. 

Patrick knocked on Jade’s door to check on the pair. Poor little thing was so worried. 

‘Can you get mom?’ Jade asked him. ‘We need to talk.’ 

Silently, Cat, Jade and Helen walked through the doors of West Hollywood Hospital. After a doctor had a look at Cat’s arm and wrapped it in a sling, the three of them were beeped into the psych ward and asked to wait for a while. Apparently, they had to do a couple more ‘tests’. 

It was clearly a slow day at the hospital. Jade, Cat and Helen sat in a room with only two other groups of people. Without the chatter of anxious families, the scuff of the nurses sneakers felt distinct and jarring. Jade could hear the beeping of the machinery, and distant echo’s pained moaning and crying coming from the patient’s beds. A honk sounded every so often when a patient was escorted in and out of the building eliciting a jumpy reaction from Cat each time. Jade held Cat’s hand the entire time and attempted soothe her friend by bringing her attention back to the toy that laid in her lap. It helped a little. 

‘Ms Valentine?’ a nurse looked at each member of the group, clearly unsure about who to address. Jade and Helen looked towards Cat who stared ahead without acknowledging the woman. The nurse addressed her directly ‘would you like to come through?’ 

‘Not really’ she said, but she stood anyway. Jade attempted to detach from her, but Cat’s grip remained firm on her hand, so Jade walked with her. The sounds of moaning grew louder as the pair walked down the hallway. They had almost reached the end of the hospital wing when the nurse said 

‘Your brother is just in here to your left’. The nurse walked off and left the two of them alone. The two girls stared at the door without moving. Cat sighed. 

‘I got you, yeah?’ Jade said. Cat nodded, and still holding Jade’s hand opened the door. 

Jade took in the sight of Cat’s brother. The once large and domineering man looked so fragile sitting in that bed. His face was flat, distant. Jade thought about what the nurses must have given him to put him in this state. Horse tranquilliser probably. Frankie’s eyes were bloodshot, and his wrists wrapped in gauze. He was strapped to the bed so that he was unable to move. Jade looked over to her friend to see how she was faring. 

Jade was expecting to see fear in her eyes, or maybe anger, hatred at the man who had made her life hell, but when Jade looked at Cat, all she saw was pure compassion. 

Jade tensed as Cat hesitantly unlinked from her and walked over to Frankie. Even in his drugged up state, Frankie was jumpy. As Cat approached the bed, Frankie’s knee-jerk reaction was to pounce. Cat jumped and Jade tensed but realising that there was nowhere for him to go, Frankie’s posture eased, and Jade put her guard down too. Frankie looked towards his sister, clearly regretful. Cat took him in her arms and stroked his hair lovingly. 

‘Shh, it’s okay’ Cat cooed, ‘I know you don’t mean to’. Jade was mesmerised by the sight. She couldn’t understand it. How could she hold so much love for someone who had hurt her so much? Jade didn’t understand how Cat had managed to see the good in so many people. She adored her brother when he literally broke her over and over. She bonded with Helen almost immediately, and Jade… 

Cat motioned for Jade to join her on the bed. Jade started to say no. She didn’t trust the man, she had maimed her best friend just hours prior, but then Jade looked towards Cat who smiled at her encouragingly, and she knew that the girl would never steer her wrong. 

Jade sat back as Cat retold stories of her childhood. She focused on the funny parts. 

‘And that’s when we found out my brother had replaced all of the buttercream frosting with cottage cheese’ she said. Cat giggled, and Jade smiled too, despite herself. 

‘That cake tasted terrible’ a voice replied from the hall. Jade looked over, it was Cat’s mother. 

‘I’m know I’m late’ Mrs Valentine said. ‘I had to…’ she sighed, ‘talk to some people.’ Mrs Valentine looked like shit, Jade thoughts she must not have slept in weeks, not that she cared. 

‘Cat can I talk to you alone?’ Mrs Valentine asked. Jade put her arm around Cat protectively, ready for a fight. 

‘I don’t really want Jadey to leave right now’ she said. Damn straight. Mrs Valentine hesitated but decided not to bother fighting. She walked to the opposite side of the bed to the girls and stroked Frankie’s scalp. 

‘Fine’ she said. ‘Listen Cat, it has been… suggested that you spend some time away from home for a bit. You’lll be staying with uncle Walter and Aunt Pearl.’ 

Cat opened her mouth to protest ‘but they’re -’ 

‘Don’t fight me on this dear’ Mrs Valentine said as she rubbed her temples. ‘You called the police didn’t you?’ She asked. 

Cat looked down, ashamed and unsure of how to answer. 

‘They’re telling me I’m not fit to… Cat, what did you think would happen?’ 

Cat twiddled her thumbs. It looked like she might start crying again. How dare she make her feel like that? Jade stood up. 

‘Listen lady’ she said, ‘if your daughter was the only one who had the guts to…’

‘Jade’ Cat warned. 

‘No!’ Jade said turning to Cat and then Back to Mrs Valentine, ‘listen, the girl has been running to my house for weeks, and you never even ask… I mean look at her arm!’ 

Mrs Valentine paused to take in the sight of Cat. Her face softened. She turned back to Jade and seethed.

‘Listen young lady’ She said ‘you’re dabbling in things that you really have no understanding of. Honestly, you, your mother your entire family are a bunch of …’

‘My mother?’ 

Helen walked through the door. 

‘Jade’ Helen said. ‘I really think its about time I take Cat to her relatives. Mrs Valentine here needs a chance to catch up with her son’. 

‘But she’s -’

Helen glared at her daughter. ‘Honey, we are in a place full of very unwell individuals, I do not want us to be the ones causing a scene.’ Helen’s tone was final. Jade smirked noticing the collective pronoun. ‘Come now please.’ 

Jade looked towards Cat who seemed ready to leave anyway. ‘Fine’. Jade grabbed her friend and stormed out the door. 

When Helen finally reached the car, Jade was furious. She was just about to say just how much, but her mother got in first.

‘I’m glad you held it together back there Jade, because I don’t think I could cope much longer.’ Huh? 

‘I mean honestly, to let your child live in a state of… I don’t understand how any mother who loves her child could…’ Jade grinned. This may have been the most she had ever like her mother. 

‘Mom?’ Jade asked, ‘What did you say to Cat’s mom in the waiting room.’ 

Helen looked guilty. ‘Well the nurses stopped me before I could do any real damage’. Jade grinned harder. 

‘But seriously though Jade, any mother who loved their daughter should…’

‘STOP’ Jade and Helen stopped talking and turned their attention to Cat. She looked upset. 

‘You’re being mean’ she said. ‘I love my mother.’ Jade and Helen looked at each other guiltily. 

Helen took a breath. ‘I’m sorry honey’ Helen said as she put an arm on Cat’s shoulder ‘I got a little carried away. Are you okay?’ Cat nodded her head yes. 

‘Come on girls’ Helen said, ‘let’s go get Cat’s things.’ 

Jade found Cat’s house was in an even worse state than when she had been there the first time. There was broken glass all over the floor. One of Cat’s stuffed animals looked like it had been mauled by a bear. Cotton teddy guts was scattered around Cat’s floor. Nobody mentioned it. The girls simply packed all of Cat’s belongings, or the ones that were salvageable into Helen’s car, and made their way to Cat’s new house. 

They arrived at Pearl and Walter’s house 20 minutes later. Helen stopped the car. 

‘I’ll let you two say goodbye’ she said. 

Jade looked sadly at her friend. Still holding her ball, Cat fiddled with its tassels. 

‘I could come over’ Jade offered. 

‘No offence’ Cat said, ‘but I don’t think Pearl and Walter would like you very much’. Jade glanced at Cat’s relatives. They looked like they definitely had an underground bunker just in case, Cat was probably right. 

‘Well you could come round’ Jade suggested. Cat remained unconvinced. Jade didn’t know what to say. 

‘I’ll see you at school okay?’ Cat said. 

‘Okay.’ Jade replied. Wordlessly, Cat left the car, and headed towards her family home. Jade chose not to look at Cat as she entered the house and Helen drove away.  
Jade attempted to open her car door as they approached her driveway, but found that she couldn’t. Shit, child lock. Jade sighed, knowing what was coming. 

‘Jade we have to talk about this’ Helen said. 

‘I know’ Jade surrendered, ‘Cat is…’

‘No, not that’ Helen said. ‘Well I mean, of course that too. I mean really Jade, you can’t just expect yourself to be able to sort things like this out on your own, you’re 15. But that’s not what I meant. Jade, we need to talk about your father.’ 

And just like that, the bubble was broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this one, cheers.


	10. Chapter 10

‘Like I said in my text’ Beck said. ‘I know this whole coming out thing was a surprise, but I mean… You were closer to her than anyone, you really never had any idea?’ Jade squeezed her ball in contemplation. 

\--------------------------------------

Jade ran her hands across the ivory keys and tinkered with the beautiful grand piano. Jade could never quite put into words the way she felt when she was playing music. A lot had happened in the past few weeks. Almost immediately after the events at the hospital, it had been time for winter break. True to her word, Cat hadn’t been especially available during that time, and the events of Christmas really hadn’t done enough to keep Jade distracted. Without Cat’s company Jade was stuck living with her own thoughts, and her thoughts sucked. She couldn’t make sense of them, so she turned to music and art and anything else she could find to cut through the bullshit and figure out what the hell was going on. 

That’s why the minute Jade arrived at school, she searched for the shiny black grand. The chords she played let her process everything that was wrong with the world. 

E Minor Sounded, and Jade started to let go. Richard’s hearing was next week. 

C followed. Jade was not going to be in attendance. Jade’s father hated her, and Jade hated him right back. 

G: After all, Richard had a monster inside of him. This particular monster allowed him to take money from people who needed it because he was selfish and evil, and wanted that money for himself more. 

D: It was good that the world was soon to be saved from that monster, that it was going to be locked away so that no one else would have to face its wrath. 

F Sharp: Jade wondered where the monster came from. Were there signs that the monster was developing, signs that someone could have noticed to prevent another Richard coming to be? Did Richard kick puppies when he was younger? Did he steal money from church? Maybe Richard used to have a ball of uncontrollable rage inside of him too.

E Minor: Jade wondered if the monster was genetic. 

C: If there was a monster, Helen attracted it like a moth to a flame. 

G: If there was a monster, it was getting stronger. Patrick doused it slightly and the drugs made it harder to access, but it was always there. Somehow, therapy brought it out more.

D: The only think that had ever managed to stop the monster, the only thing that had ever calmed Jade down…

F Sharp: Was a tiny red-haired teenager from a home more broken than Jade could ever imagine, but with a heart bigger than she had ever seen. 

Jade felt the warmth of that girl radiating from her piano stool as Cat slid in next to her.

‘Is that Zombie?’ Cat asked. Jade looked at the girl for the first time in weeks. She looked better, or at least physically so. No more sling. 

'Yeah, you want to join in?’ Cat nodded and the pair began to sing. The girl’s harmonies sounded like silk. Jade’s voice rough but also velvety, Cat’s sweet but powerful. The dichotomy of the girl’s voices reflected the dichotomy of their thoughts and allowed them to say more than they ever could with words. 

I love you, but I’m afraid of you. 

I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know how to stop. 

You scare me, but you understand me more than anyone. 

The song ended, and the girls sat in silence for a while. Cat was the first one to break it. 

‘That was pretty’ she said. 

‘Mm’. 

Cat opened and closed her mouth, a couple of times, but ultimately decided she shouldn’t let the words out. She drummed her fingers on the edge of the piano in thought. Jade sighed. 

‘Spit it out’ she said, ‘I won’t bite your head off… today’. Cat covered her face in her hands with concern, but continued, nonetheless. 

‘Are you going next week?’ she asked. 

Jade raised an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t think the deacons would let you watch TV’. 

Cat furrowed her brows. ‘Who?’ 

‘Your aunt and uncle Cat.’ She explained. 

‘Oh… I think Walter works at a bank. Pearl sells Tupperware.’ Jade rolled her eyes. 

‘Do they let you watch TV?’ Jade asked. 

‘Oh’ she said, ‘They have basic cable. I watched it on my phone anyways.’ 

‘I see’ Jade said, ‘and no, I’m not going.’ 

‘Okay’ Cat said. After a moment’s pause, she added ‘but why?’ 

‘Because I don’t want to Cat’ Jade said, ‘now drop it.’ Jade was not in the mood. She hadn’t seen Cat in two weeks, in this is what Cat was wanting to talk about? No. Jade glanced at Cat who was practically vibrating attempting to keep her mouth shut. Jade sighed. 

‘What?’ 

‘It’s just that… He could…’ Cat struggled. ‘You might not see him for a while, so…’ 

‘So what?’ Jade asked. She stood up and began to walk around the room. ‘So my arsehole of a father might be locked in a penitentiary miles away from me for up to 5 years? What you don’t understand Cat is that I don’t care. Actually, that’s not true. I do care, I’m thrilled by the prospect. This is the best news of my life! See you later daddy.’ 

Cat’s eyes bore holes in Jade’s soul. How dare she look at her like that. 

‘I don’t need your pity’ Jade bit. She walked to the end of the room to grab her belongings. Cat promptly marched over and turned Jade to face her. 

‘And you’re not getting it’ Cat bit right back. ‘I don’t know what your father is like all the time. I’ve met him twice and from what I’ve seen, I can’t say he’s…’ Cat paused. ‘He could do a better job of loving you.’ Cat put a hand on Jade’s shoulder sympathetically. 

‘Jade, your father is going to stand up in front of a Jury and tell them his side of the story. Don’t you want to know what he has to say? Do you want to know if he is capable of what they say he did?’ Jade’s eyebrows furrowed. 

‘I…’

‘Then don’t throw it all away because you’re scared.’ 

‘I’m not…’ Jade began, but her face betrayed her. This was too much. Jade turned to leave again, done with the conversation, but she stood in place before she opened the door. With her back still turned she said, ‘I’ll see you in Bio’. 

Mercifully, nobody tried to talk to Jade in the morning classes. Jade knew that they all knew what was happening, it was plastered across every news network. Richard West, resident Millionaire under fire for financial fraud. Jade was thankful that she worked so hard to remain unapproachable. At times like these, fear was the only thing stopping the student body from asking her if everything was okay. 

It seemed that the adults were not afraid enough. As Jade’s biology teacher handed out her and Cat’s homework assignment, he clarified that the pair needed only to ‘do what you can’. Screw him. Jade was acing this. 

By recess, Jade was already done with school. She couldn’t stand the looks, and the sympathy. Nobody dared look Jade in the eyes, but she could feel everyone’s gaze on her back. Jade turned to face the only girl who wasn’t treating her like a freak. 

‘Hey, do you want to –‘ 

‘Hi guys’ Cat said, looking above Jade’s head. Jade turned around to see what she was looking at. Fantastic. 

‘You’re here’ Jade said to as Andre Beck and Robbie approached. 

Beck chuckled at her sour mood. 

‘Most people say hello’ Beck suggested. ‘Or how was your break.’ 

‘Most people wear more than a t-shirt and hoodie in January’ Beck shrugged. 

‘Men don’t get cold’ he replied, side-eyeing Robbie who wore a puffer jacket. 

‘What?’ Robbie asked. Cat giggled. 

The insult to Robbie’s masculinity was enough to ease the tension Jade felt in the presence of her kind of friends. The group recounted stories of their holiday breaks. Andre’s grandmother had once again acted crazy, Robbie’s own grandma had gotten a new laptop for Hanukkah, motive enough according to Robbie for him to murder her. He was not impressed when Jade offered to help. 

Jade grew momentarily afraid when the boys asked Cat about her Christmas. Until then, Jade hadn’t even considered what she would have missed. But she soon found her worries to have been unfounded. With ease and grace, Cat spun a fantastical tale of her weekend away with the family. The story she told was heart-warming, and charming, and complete bullshit. But the way Cat sold it though. Jade wondered how many times in her life Cat had had to lie like that. Jade was so enamoured with Cat’s ability to act that she barely even noticed when the group stared at her. 

‘Sorry what?’ she asked. 

‘Your break’ Andre repeated. ‘Was it is magical as Ms Valentines, or a train wreck like my own.’ 

Jade sighed. They knew the answer. They had seen the news. 

‘It was uhh… fine’ she said. And thankfully the group moved on. 

The day got better after that. She didn’t feel the weight of any looks or judgement in periods 3 and 4. She heard no whispers, and received no special treatment. Jade was starting to suspect that bigger news than her father maybe being a criminal had hit the school, and she started to relax. It wasn’t until lunch time where she saw the hoards of students congregating in the halls that she realised how wrong she was. 

Jade pushed her way through the students who had all formed a circle to see what the commotion was about. 

‘What’s the matter with you?’ a tanned brunette asked. ‘You escape from the asylum?’ Jade turned to see who they were addressing and found a terrified Cat cowering on the floor in front of the girl. 

Another girl stood by the brunette’s side and held a small hospital bracelet to her eyes. ‘It says Valentine does it not? Pretty sure that’s you.’ The girl threw the bracelet at Cat. The girl looked terrified. 

Monster’s back. 

‘I didn’t…’ Cat stumbled with her words. ‘It’s not…’

‘This bracelet says West Hollywood Psychiatric, pretty sure that means the loony bin’. 

‘Well done’ heads turned to Jade as she pushed past the front row and made her way up to the two girls. ‘You learned how to read. Want to tell me why that was important enough for you to block the entire hallway and cause a scene?’ Jade grabbed the shorter girl by the collar and looked directly in her eyes. ‘I think it’s time for you to go.’ 

Jade let the girl go and glared into her eyes. The tanned one turned to leave, and gestured for her friend to do the same, but this little one was annoyingly brave. 

‘Excuse me?’ Jade asked. ‘Are you hearing impaired, I asked you to leave.’ 

‘When you’re done defending your psycho girlfriend…’ 

'Girlfriend?' Jade asked. How dare she. Not only had this girl picked on the most helpless kid in school, but she also had the gall to claim in front of hoards of people that she cared for her. Jade felt a pressure build inside of her. Her rage burned. Everything that had gone wrong in the last month caught up with her and it made her blood boil and her eyes catch flame. The monster took control of Jade. It crumpled the girl's sweater, made a fist, and reached out to - 

‘Jade no!’

Jade shook herself out of her trance. Remembering her friend, Jade turned around. Cat still cowered in the corner, but her the subject of her concern had changed. Wait, she wasn't scared of... Jade promptly let the girl go as she scurried away. 

As Jade became more aware of her surroundings, she realised that the group that had congregated before had grown threefold. Jade had thought she had been on display this morning, but that was nothing compared to the glances and the whispers coming from what had to be at least 90 people. 

She only heard parts of their whispers…

‘On the news’ 

‘Broken family’ 

‘Unstable’ 

Jade felt the weight of their attention and judgement crushing her, and she knew she had to leave. Now. Without asking, Jade grabbed Cat’s hand and hoisted her to her feet roughly. She grasped her hand as she led her to her own locker and then to Cat’s to fetch their bags and coats. Cat was confused, but compliant. Jade like that about her, and she didn’t say a word until Jade had hauled her all the way out of the school building. 

‘What about period 3?’ Cat asked.

‘We aren’t going to period 3.’ Jade continued walking determined.

‘Oh’ Cat said. Cat walked in silence with Jade all the way to the bus station. Jade was still seething. Somehow, Cat’s face had stopped her from using her monster to maim, but the monster was still rampaging, and Jade felt herself actually trembling with rage. Or… Was that rage? For the first time, Jade noticed that the January air was pretty cold. The plastic seats they were sat on were certainly not helping either. Jade glanced at her friend who was clearly not built for the winter. 

‘Where are we going?’ Cat asked, her teeth chattering. 

‘I hadn’t figured that out yet’ Jade said. ‘Just didn’t feel like being at school today.’ 

‘I know what you mean’ Cat replied as she hugged herself. ‘I don’t know why they have to do that… It’s not… their business.’ Cat seemed genuinely confused. It was almost as if her default expectation was for people, not even people, teenage girls to be good, and it broke her heart every time she was proven wrong. Jade wondered how someone with a life like Cat’s could have a shell so thin. 

‘Jadey’ Cat said, ‘When we do choose a place, can it be somewhere with air conditioning?’

Jade laughed as Cat almost hurt herself with her shuddering. She put an arm around her, and Cat scooched in closer. 

‘What about your mom’s?’ Cat asked. 

‘Nah’ Jade replied. ‘She’s got the day off; she’ll know we skipped.’ 

‘Frankie would appreciate a…’ 

‘We’re not going there’ Jade replied. ‘Are your Aunt and Uncle at work?’ 

‘Yeah, they both get home around 6.’ 

‘Pearl and Walter’s, it is then.’ 

It took a good 30 minutes for the pair to reach Pearl and Walter’s house. Jade’s arm was still wrapped around Cat keeping her warm as they approached the cobble-stoned building. The house was a little white cape cod style abode. It was decorated nicely with neatly trimmed hedges and white roses. The a neatly manicured lawn clearly outlined the picket sign in support of John McCain. Cat noticed Jade looking. 

‘They found it hard to let go after last November’ she said. 

Cat found a key under the rug and opened the door. She instructed Jade to take off her shoes before they entered. As Jade walked in, her nostrils were assaulted with the scent of lemon air freshener. Her eyes were also assaulted with the sight of more crosses and Christian artefacts than she had seen in her life. Pearl and Walter were safe from vampires at least. 

The pair walked to the living area, which was decorated with family portraits, a plasma TV, a ring-free coffee table and two plastic-covered sofas. 

‘Wouldn’t want to know what would happen if you spilled juice in here’ Jade thought aloud. 

‘They make a rule of no drinks in the living room’ Cat replied, ‘and juice is banned from the house. By the way, if you’re thirsty, we have water or tea.’ Jade chuckled. 

‘Hungry?’ Cat asked. Jade nodded, so the pair made their way to the kitchen. Cat poured them both some water and set out a tray of gluten and salt-free crackers. Jade nibbled the corner of one before promptly spitting it out and moving the pile away. Cat didn’t bother with hers. 

‘Nice place’ Jade said. ‘It looks very… clean?’ 

Cat squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. Jade smiled. 

‘You hate it too, don’t you?’ 

‘Yes!’ Cat exclaimed. ‘I have to go to bed at like 9:30. Sundays used to be fun, but now they’re just church days, and I’m not allowed any sugar! Seriously Jade, I’ll take anything – soda, gum, even hard candies would suffice.’ 

Cat clung to Jade’s chest desperately. Jade felt pity enough to reach into her backpack and hand Cat a Snickers bar. Cat snatched it graciously and engulfed it in one bite. It was like she hadn’t eaten in weeks. 

‘You’re my favourite person in the world!’ Cat said as she embraced Jade. 

Jade chuckled. 

‘Come on, it’s not all bad’ She said. ‘At least the windows are in one piece. Bet your old place is pretty chilly right now.’ Cat sighed. She disconnected from Jade and sat next to her, playing with her hair. 

‘You would seriously rather be there right now?’ Jade asked her. 

Cat looked at her hands.

‘They’re not perfect’ she said, ‘but I know they loved me.’ 

Seriously? After everything Cat’s family put her through. 

‘Cat, they made you call the police on them. They… He maimed you!’ Cat stroked her still tender arm gently. 

‘I don’t really expect you to understand’ she said. 

Jade exhaled slowly.

‘Let me try’. 

‘On my seventh birthday’ Cat began, ‘I invited all of my friends to a party at my house. It was giraffe themed. I love giraffes you know’ Jade did. ‘Anyway, so my folks get everything ready, and I’m like so excited for my party, and I have my costume, which I made myself all ready, but nobody turns up. I’m like okay, maybe they’re late, and I keep waiting, but still no one turns up.’ 

‘Oh Cat’ Jade said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

‘I never knew why, but it’s okay Jade! Because right when I was about to start crying, my brother comes out from his room and delivers a real-life baby giraffe!’ 

Jade raised her eyebrows at Cat. 

‘It’s true! Jadey, he was so cute. I barely even had time to notice I didn’t have any friends.’ 

Jade laughed. How did Cat manage to be so cute and so pathetic at the same time? 

‘And so, where did this giraffe come from then?’ Jade asked. 

‘Oh the zoo’ Cat said. Jade’s brow furrowed.

‘Was he supposed to have a giraffe from the zoo?’

‘Oh no’ Cat said. ‘We spent the rest of the day at the police station. Best birthday ever huh’ Cat said nudging Jade with her knuckles. 

‘Sure.’ 

Cat stroked her hair. ‘My family aren’t perfect, but they always accepted me. Every part. Pearl and Walter can’t stand my hair.’ 

‘I’m sorry Cat’ Jade said. ‘I wish things were easier for you.’ 

Cat shrugged. ‘I wish your dad didn’t have to steal all those people’s money.’ 

‘Do you think he did it?’ Jade asked, finding herself genuinely curious about the girl’s opinion. 

‘I don’t know’ she said. ‘You know him better than me.’ 

‘I’m not sure I do though’ Jade replied honestly. 

‘Hey Jade’ Cat said shyly. ‘I know that you two never really got along but, didn’t you have any positive memories with your dad?’ 

Jade considered this. ‘He got me a lot of fancy clothes’ she said. Cat smiled. ‘Actually, there was one more thing. When I was 11, a boy in my class, I think his name was Bradley, he cheated off me in math. Everyone blamed me because Brad was like the perfect student and I was… Well teachers didn’t like me much. Anyways, I took the note home with the F, and I tried to explain what happened to my dad, but he didn’t give me time. Instead, he called my teacher right up and made her explain why she had reprimanded me instead of asking why a kid who only ever got A’s would be cheating in the first place. I always thought he had been trying to protect me. Maybe he just didn’t want his name to be scarred with the image of a failing daughter. I never thought he was good, but he always had seemed honest. Now I’m not so sure.’ 

‘You Know’ Cat said, as she took Jade’s hands into her own. ‘If you wanted to find out, I would come to that court case with you no questions asked.’ 

‘Thank you’ Jade said, as she stroked Cat’s hair. ‘Pearl and Walter really don’t like this?’ Cat shook her head. ‘Then they’re crazy cause you’re…’ Jade looked intently at Cat. Her smile was so cute. Her face widened like a chipmunk when she grinned. Jade felt compelled to move in closer. 

‘What?’ Cat asked, not breaking eye contact. Cat and Jade both inched in closer and closer to one another, until they were just millimetres apart and able to - 

‘CATERINA’ 

Cat and Jade both jumped to their feet to find a tiny blonde woman stood above them. The vein on her forehead throbbed. 

‘Hi aunt Pearl’ Cat said, trying and failing to make her squeaky voice sound casual and innocent. ‘You’re home early from work.’

‘Would you like to tell me who this is?’ Pearl asked, quickly glancing at Jade, before once again focusing on her niece. 

‘This is my friend Jade’ she said, ‘from school.’ 

‘Which you are not in because?’ Pearl put her hands on her hips. Cat looked down guiltily. 

‘We kind of left’ Cat said. 

Pearl frowned. ‘So you don’t even have the decency to attend that cesspool of debauchery your mother calls a school?’ 

Jade tensed. Easy monster, this 110 pound woman was actually kind of scary. Jade tried to remain cool as she stepped in. 

Jade stood. ‘Listen ma’am, this is my fault, I asked Cat to…’

‘Well yes, I would have assumed that you have been behind this’ Pearl looked Jade up and down, focusing intently on her hair and piercings. Hold it together Jade. 

‘I can only imagine what kind of mother would have let that happen’ 

‘Nobody let…’

Pearl ignored Jade and turned to Cat. ‘I don’t love your choice of friends Caterina’ she said. ‘More importantly, I don’t like the choices you have made while you have been with them. 

‘I’m sorry for skipping’ Cat started. ‘It’s just that at school…’ 

Pearl raised her eyebrow. ‘Making excuses?’ Pearl moved so that she stood directly above the girl. ‘A good woman owns up to her mistakes, and accepts her punishment. Speaking of which, you are grounded for the duration of your stay with us.’ 

‘But I’ Cat stammered. 

‘But? Pearl walked to stand over Cat. ‘Caterina, Walter and I have graciously put a roof over your head when my dear sister was unable. Your family owes me a lot, and I will not have you talking to me in that tone.’ 

‘Listen lady, don’t you think you’re being a little…’

‘I can look past the hair’ Pearl said disregarding Jade, ‘and you choice in academics. But your choice in friends is leading your down a… You know what happened to your uncle. I will not have another family member turn into a dirty little…’ 

WHACK 

With the monster at full forced, Jade throttled the tiny woman. She would not let her say another word. As Jade punched, she thought every adult in her life who had ever let her down. Every adult in Cat’s. It felt freeing to fight back. She was Jade fucking West, and she didn’t need another tiny little woman making her feel like shit. She was about to go in for another when she heard a piercing JADE sound from across the room. 

She looked to its source and found Cat, Cat who was looking directly at Jade with… fear? But no she was just….

‘Cat’ Jade said, immediately loosening her grip. 

‘Your little friend is unhinged’ Pearl whaled, still on the ground. Cat’s fear turned to anger when she let the woman go. 

‘Cat, I didn’t mean to scare…’ 

‘I’ll get you some Ice’ Cat said as walked to the freezer and back. With an ice pack pressed against her Aunt, Cat said. 

‘I wish you wouldn’t have done that.’

‘Cat I was just trying to…’

‘I think you should go’ 

‘But Cat –‘ 

‘Please’ Cat said defeated, ‘just go.’ 

Slowly, Jade walked towards the door to go. The last thing she heard before she left the premises was a snarky woman suggesting that she would pray for her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mentions of mental illness.

‘There might have been a few clues’ Jade said. She sat on her bed and invited Beck to do the same. 

‘She’s always loved Rhianna… But I mean like, really loved’ 

‘And’ Beck said, ‘she might be the only girl you ever allowed me to spend time with.’ 

‘I let you spend time with the ugly ones’ Jade argued. 

Beck chuckled.

‘So Cat’s ugly?’

‘No, she’s gorgeous’ Jade said. Her eyes widened in realisation of what she had said. ‘Uh, If you’re into those sickly-sweet types I mean.’ 

Beck looked amused. 

‘I mean… I didn’t let her spend time with you cause she’s gay’ Jade said, ‘I let her spend time with you cause she’s Cat. She would never even think to do anything with you. She’s loyal.’ 

‘You just said she’s gay’ Beck said. 

‘I… well…’ Jade shook her head. 

‘Why are you finding this so hard to believe anyway?’ Beck asked. ‘Why would she lie about this?’ 

‘I don’t know’ Jade said. ‘Why would she date a new guy every month if she didn’t even have a taste for man meat?’ 

‘Man meat?’ Beck chuckled. ‘Can’t imagine why. That sounds so appetising’ 

Jade shoved him smiling. ‘You know what I mean.’ 

‘How do you like yours Jade? Medium rare, or well done?’ 

‘Oh shut up’ Jade smothered Beck with a pillow to quiet him, but her grip was weak compared to his. With little effort, Beck overturned the pillow and pulled Jade into a headlock. Jade flailed helplessly trying to escape his grasp, but it was no use. 

‘Beck let me out’ 

‘Tap out if you surrender.’ 

‘Beck, if you don’t let me out this second, I swear I’ll…’ Jade struggled to find an appropriate threat. 

‘I will let you go if you tap out.’ Jade sighed and sat limply.

‘Fine.’ Jade tapped on the bed three times until Beck released her. 

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Not having much else to do, Jade got into the habit of staring at walls. She’d been particularly attentive to the one in her bedroom. It looked yellow on the first day. On the second day, it seemed cream. It had splotches mustard in the centre, and cracks around the corners. Jade liked imagining different shapes and characters living in the stained images. Most of them died horrible bloody deaths. By day three, Jade’s wall became the same colour as most other things in her life, grey. 

A knock on Jade’s door interrupted her new favourite activity. 

‘Are you getting up today?’ Helen asked. Jade turned round to face the other side of the wall to see if it was any different. 

‘Jade, you’ve missed almost a week now’ Helen said. ‘I have three meetings today, and you know Gabriella is gunning for me, can you just…’

Helen lifted the corner of Jade’s blanket to look at her but Jade forcefully pulled it back over her head. Helen sighed and turned to leave. 

Jade spent her time differently these days. When she wasn’t staring at walls, Jade liked to think about all the reasons she didn’t have to get up. School certainly wasn’t motivation; she’d burned enough bridges there to know what kind of a welcome she’d receive.

She no longer had friends to get up for either. Jade knew that Cat hated her now. She’d told her to leave, she was done with her. That was fine and Jade didn’t care, but she also knew Cat would get the friends in the breakup. It was a simple fact that Cat was adorable, and Jade was Jade.

Jade noticed that in the days since her last outburst the monster had remained quiet. It was almost like it had done its job of isolating Jade, and knowing that it was no longer needed, it left. Jade needn’t have worried about being alone though because she soon found a replacement. 

The morning after her outburst, a fat man entered Jade’s life. The man accompanied her wherever she went. He attached himself to her by rope and made any task be it getting up, showering, or even peeing far more difficult. He liked to lay right on top of her as she stared at the walls. 

Jade’s phone buzzed so she nudged the fat man away just enough to reach for it. 

Mom 9:56: Do I need to be worried? 

Jade rolled her eyes. Helen had been checking up on her a lot lately. 

Jade 10:03: I’ve taken my pills, you saw. 

Mom 10:04: That’s also not what I meant. 

Jade grunted. 

Jade 10:05: No

Mom 10:06: Your appointment with Hannah is being moved up to 5 today. I thought it would be a good idea with everything going on right now. 

Jade began to type in protest.

Mom 10:06: You’re going. Don’t argue with me and be dressed when I get home. 

Jade groaned. 

Jade sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room next to her mother and the fat man. The waiting room wall seemed far less interesting than the one in Jade’s bedroom. It was baby blue, and now held two paintings that Jade had assumed had gone up in her absence. They read ‘today is the day’ and ‘make it happen’ in bold blue and green respectively. Jade tried to busy herself with her Pearphone while she waited for Hannah to wave her through. Thankfully, the timely therapist didn’t make her wait long. 

‘Jade’ a young brunette with a bob cut said as she gestured for Jade to come through the hallway. Helen remained seated as Jade walked inside. 

Jade found a seat on a large sofa at the end of the room. Hannah, Jade’s therapist sat on her own sofa and sipped coffee from her mug. Jade stared at it longingly. Hannah chucked and fetched a second mug from behind her on the desk. Jade smiled and took a sip. 

‘I’m not supposed to do that you know’ Hannah said. ‘You’re lucky you’re my favourite.’ 

Jade took another gulp.

‘And to think you didn’t like me at first’ Hannah said. 

‘Well…’ Jade said, ‘I came here at my mom’s suggestion so…’ 

‘I was doomed from the start’ Hannah replied. Jade shrugged. 

‘There’s a new picture in the waiting area’ Jade said. 

‘Yep, went up just last week.’ Hannah said. ‘You would have seen it if you’d have come to your appointment.’ Hannah looked at Jade sternly, but still smiled. 

‘I hate it’ 

‘Me too’ Hannah said. ‘Management’s choice.’ She put her mug down and leaned forward in her chair. International therapists speak for we need to get down to business. 

‘Listen’ Hannah said, ‘I like to be as upfront as I can with all of my clients. I need to let you know that your mother has been sending me quite a few emails, updates on what’s been happening with you.’ 

Jade tucked her legs into herself on the couch. She picked up a sequinned cushion and began to play with it. 

‘Were they about my dad?’ she asked, still looking at the cushion. 

‘Yes’ Hannah replied. ‘Among other things, she mentioned you haven’t been at school.’ 

‘Correct.’ 

‘Want to tell me why?’ Hannah asked. 

‘No.’ 

Hannah Smiled. 

‘She also mentioned a friend of yours, Cat?’

‘She’s not my friend.’ 

‘Okay’ Hannah said, ‘I suppose I might have been mistaken.’ 

‘Well she was but I…’ Jade toyed with the cushion some more. ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore. 

‘Okay’ Hannah said, ‘This is your session, you get to choose what we talk about. What would you like to discuss?’ 

Jade did have one thing she had been considering for a while now. 

‘Do you know much about like psychopaths? Like… People who are evil – you know, do bad things to others for their own benefit, that sort of thing.’ Hannah pondered this.

‘It’s not really my area’ she said. ‘But I probably have a little left in my brain from my college days, why?’

‘It’s just…’ Jade said. ‘I was wondering how much of that is genetic you know, like if a parent had those tendencies, would the child?’ 

‘Maybe’ Hannah said. Jade’s grip on the cushion grew tighter. ‘Or maybe not. What’s interesting about psychopaths is that while there is a very clear genetic element. The parts of the brain that make someone a psychopath needs setting of by some kind of life event – be that trauma, or an unpleasant upbringing. Does that make sense?’ 

Jade thought.

‘I think so’ she said. ‘So if a kid had the inbuilt genetics to be a psychopath, and then the also had like really shitty parenting growing up, then they might grow up to like go on a huge murdering spree.’ 

Hannah chuckled. 

‘I think there would be a few more steps between A and B there’ she said. ‘And not all psychopaths do that sort of thing, in fact many of the big successful business owners have some of those tendencies, but yes, in gist it is the combination of nature and nurture that makes someone who they are’.

Jade felt the fat man jumping on her chest and she sank deeper into the couch. Jade drew her attention back to the cushion.

‘The thing about psychopaths’ Hannah said, ‘is that they find it difficult to feel guilt. That’s the primary criterion for diagnosis. Someone who was a psychopath for example, would not come into therapy to discuss how regretful they felt about an angry outburst. Not unless they were faking the regret for their own benefit anyway.’ 

Jade continued to draw patterns with the sequins. 

‘Could people tell?’ Jade asked. ‘If they were faking it?’ 

‘Not always’ Hannah said. ‘Psychopaths are notoriously charming and good at lying.’ 

‘Oh.’ 

Hannah looked intently at Jade. 

‘It’s very difficult when the people we love do bad things.’

This was not a question, and Jade was not going to respond. 

‘Jade’ Hannah said, waiting patiently. ‘You don’t have to talk about this and you know I can’t make you, but I think it would help. Shall we talk about your father?’ 

Hannah was wrong. Talking about it did not help. The fat man grew fatter with every moment, and after a serious chat with Helen and Hannah, one which Jade walked out on, Helen had been assaulting Jade with a barrage of questions. Every one of them was met with silence, but Helen had never had a problem speaking to a brick wall, so she didn’t get a break until she stormed inside and got under the sheets again. 

By morning, the fat man had gained so much weight, Jade could barely see from below him. From what seemed like 10 feet above her, Helen spoke. 

‘You’re not going today are you?’ she asked. When Jade didn’t respond, Helen sat on the corner of the bed. Jade wondered how she fit. 

‘Honey’ she said, ‘I think it might be time for you to go to…’

‘I’m too sick for school today’ Jade said, ‘sorry.’ Jade braced herself for an argument but was instead met with the pleasant sensation of her hair being stroked. Against her better judgement, Jade found herself leaning into the touch. 

Helen chuckled. ‘You’ve loved that since you were a baby.’ She stopped stroking long enough for Jade to look at her. ‘Honey, that’s not what I meant. I’ve discussed it with Hannah, and I think it’s time for…’

Realisation hit Jade like a dump truck and her survival instincts allowed her to push the fat man away long enough to stand. 

‘No.’ Jade said. ‘I’m not going there.’ 

‘Jade’ her mother reasoned, ‘You’re in bed all day, you don’t eat. You haven’t been to school in a week now. I mean it’s Friday and -’

‘So this is about school then?’ Jade asked. ‘You know what, I’m not that sick after all. I can go.’ Jade rummaged through her drawer searching for some socks that passed the sniff test. 

‘Jade, honey…’ Helen reached for Jade’s shoulder, but Jade jerked it away. Jade grabbed the first shirt and pair of sweatpants she could see and pushed her mother aside so she could walk out the door. 

‘Can you just stop for a second?’ Helen panted as she followed Jade down the stairs. Too upset for embarrassment, Jade stripped right on the staircase as she jumped into her pants and threw the top on over herself. Jade just barely got dressed before she grabbed her bag and walked out the door. 

‘Jade!’ Hellen called after Jade stormed out. Jade drowned out her mother’s cries as she continued to walk. 

Jade had missed the school bus, so she had to catch a public one. Everyone in the vehicle gave her a wide birth, they must have been making room for the fat man. When Jade finally made it to the school gates, she felt dizzy. Just walking to and from the bus stop had been more exercise than she had had in a week and it wasn’t helping that she had consumed little more than coffee in the last 72 hours. 

Jade pushed past groups of students who were gawking at her through the halls. She no longer cared about being the centre of attention. She knew she looked like shit, but after Monday, people were going to think she was a freak regardless, so why bother with personal hygiene. Jade made a group of kids who were blocking her locker scatter with just one look. 

Jade glanced at her schedule and made her way to English. To her surprise, most of Jade’s classes flew by with relative ease. As it turned out, wall staring was a very mobile past time, and Jade didn’t really feel that being at school was much different than being at home provided she didn’t pay attention to it. 

When recess came, Jade skipped the dining area completely. Instead, she made her way straight to music 2. It was likely to be booked out already, but Jade figured she would take her chances. Besides Jade had never met a student she couldn’t bully into submission before. She figured she’d just scare away anyone who had their grubby little hands on her grand. Jade peered through the window in the door. The room was empty. Jade smiled.

Unfortunately, when Jade was about to enter, the was interrupted with an 

‘Ahem’. 

A little black man cleared his throat. Jade made no attempt to hide her irritation as she turned around. Seeing that she was angered, the man offered Jade some moisturiser as a peace offering. Jade looked at the bottle and the man blankly until he got the hint and the bottle retreated. 

‘You’re Jade aren’t you?’ The man asked. Jade didn't bother answering the stupid question. ‘I’m Lane. Principle Eikner thinks you and me should have a little chat.’ 

Jade sighed, but reluctantly followed the man anyway. She took her time as she walked down the halls, trying to delay the inevitable.

‘If my mom asked you to do this, you don’t have to’ Jade said while walking. 

‘She didn’t. Lane said rounding the corner. When he had reached the principle’s office and opened his door he asked ‘what made you think your mother would want you to talk to me?’

Shit, caught. Jade backtracked as she walked through. ‘No reason, I just…’ When Jade followed Lane through the door, she realised that the little chat was going to be between more than the two of them. Jade saw Principle Eikner sat behind his desk in a wheelie chair. On the other side of the chair were Cat and the two girls Jade had almost throttled on Monday. 

‘Take a seat please Jade’ Principle Eikner said. Jade sat down on a chair on the far left, next to Cat. From her periphery, Jade saw Cat looking at her curiously. When Cat realised she had been caught, she quickly fixed her gaze on her feet and blushed. Jade looked away too. 

Lane sat next to the Principle in his own wheelie chair. 

‘Do you know why you’re all here today?’ Principle Eikner asked everyone. 

The little girl in the corner piped up. 

‘No!’ she said. ‘I know why that one is though’ She pointed to Jade. ‘She’s unhinged. I have been traumatised by what she did to me, ask anyone. Stacey saw me crying about it in Lane’s, office. I expect you to pay for the dry cleaning by the way!’ The tanned girl next to her, Stacy Jade assumed, pet her back gently. 

‘I maybe scuffed your collar slightly’ Jade said. ‘Because you were causing a scene and interrupting the entire school. I mean if something that little is going to bring on the water works, then maybe I’m not the one who…’

‘That’s enough’ principle Eikner said. ‘Thank you for your input Taylor. It sounds like we have a few different versions of what was going on. That’s the reason I brought you all in here, to get to the truth. Lane will be moderating the discussion.’ Jade glanced at Lane who was lathering his hands with lotion. She rolled her eyes. 

‘What are your thoughts on what happened Stacey?’ Lane asked.

‘Well’ she said. ‘Me and Taylor was here just minding our own business having a friendly chat with Cat when Jade walks up to us both and threatens to like punch in our faces, and then she totally tried to. If we hadn’t of been able to get her off us, we would have been even more bruised than we already are.’ 

Jade raised both eyebrows at this story. The girl didn’t actually expect anyone to believe her did she? 

‘And why would she do that?’ Lane asked. 

‘I don’t know’ Stacey said. ‘I told you, the girl is insane. Look at what she looks like right now. I mean her father is the one on the news. You know, the man who robbed like millions of dollars from people. The way I see it, he’s the tree, and this is what you get from the apple.’ 

What a bitch. 

‘Let’s not get too personal here Stacey’ Lane said. ‘Now Jade…’

‘I was the one who was just chatting’ Jade said, ‘and maybe I crumpled your collar a little because you were harassing…’ Jade looked at Cat. She shook her head at Jade. ‘Uh, Everyone with your whining. I mean the entire hall and student body was blocked off by your ranting and raving’ 

‘You were the one causing a scene! I only - ’

‘Enough!’ Principle Eikner interjected. ‘This isn’t getting us anywhere. Jade’ he said turning to face her. ‘What were Stacey and Taylor ranting and raving about? Were they upsetting Cat?’ 

Jade glanced at Cat again. Her eye’s widened, begging her not to spill. 

‘I…’ Jade sighed. ‘I don’t remember.’ 

‘Sounds like this one is an unreliable source of information’ Taylor offered. Jade glared at her. 

‘Jade’ Lane said. 'Stacey says that you hit her, is that true?’

‘No’

‘Yes’

‘Yes’ 

This was just fantastic. 

‘They’re lying!’

‘That’s enough Jade.’ Lane said. ‘I want to hear from Cat herself. You’ve been pretty quiet today Caterina, what do you remember about what happened?’ 

Cat twiddled with her thumbs. In this moment, Jade wished she had remembered to bring her a toy. 

‘I’ she gulped ‘I can’t…’ 

Lane waited patiently, but Cat was unable to get any words out. He stopped trying and turned to Jade. 

‘I’m sorry’ he said. ‘But with your word against theirs, and no one to back up your side of the story, I’m afraid I have no choice but to suspend you.’ 

‘No!’ Cat said. She tugged on Lane’s sleeve to get his attention. ‘I’m ready now sir’

Lane removed his sleeve from Cat’s grasp and waited for her to speak. 

‘They were in the hall because of me’ Cat said. ‘I was at my locker, and Taylor came over to ask me a question about stage makeup. I think she liked the way I made Tommy look like he had a skinny nose. But… she and Stacey startled me so I dropped… Something.’

‘What did you drop Cat?’ Lane pushed.

Cat struggled. ‘You see, my brother is currently in…’ 

‘The loony bin!’ Taylor interjected, leading to a glare and nudge in the shoulder from Stacey. 

‘A place he can’t leave, so…’ Cat trailed off. ‘I don’t really like to talk about it.’ 

Lane stood up and walked over to Cat’s chair. He crouched down in front of her like he was talking to a child. So condescending. 

‘Cat, were they making fun of you, making you feel threatened?’ 

‘We were having a chat!’ Stacey said. 

‘That’s bull!’ 

‘I’m talking to Cat for the moment Jade’ Lane said calmly. 

‘But sir, Stacey is lying to you’ Jade said. ‘I came out of class and saw them playing with Cat like she was a chew toy. I mean the poor girl is defenceless…’

‘No, I’m not!’ Cat piped up. ‘I hate it when people say that.’ Jade felt a pang of guilt.

‘Of course, you’re not Cat’ Lane said, still crouched. ‘But we still really need the truth. Were these two girls making fun of you?’ Cat looked to them, and then to Jade and finally to Lane. She nodded. 

‘I think I’ve heard enough’ principle Eikner said. ‘Our school motto is to embrace diversity and accomplish greatness. I think you two’ Eikner glanced at Stacey and Taylor. ‘Would do well to learn it. You will have plenty of time to do so next week in detention.’ 

Taylor and Stacey sputtered out arguments while Jade grinned wide. This was the most fun she had had all week. 

‘You two’ the principle looked at Cat and Jade. ‘Are free to leave.’ 

Jade felt lighter than air when she walked out of the office. Maybe she should actually make an effort to turn up to school more if today had been any indication of what could happen. 

‘Ha! Can you believe that?’ Jade placed a hand on Cat’s shoulder to share in her elation. To her disappointment, she found the girl was far less thrilled than she. Cat shrank back against Jade’s touch like it burned her. Jade took her hand away. 

‘Thanks for defending me’ Cat said. ‘I have to go.’ 

Jade stood in the middle of the hallway and stared as Cat walked off. Oh that’s right, she still hated her. The fat man returned. 

As soon as Jade got home, she slammed her door shut and got back into bed. Stupid, Stupid Stupid. This was her fault for getting up in the first place. She knew she had no reason to do that anymore, but her mother had pushed her out the door. Whatever, she wouldn’t make that mistake again. Jade closed her eyes and let sleep take her. She was still so tired. 

A harsh light shone on Jade’s wall when she awakened. In this lighting, the walls almost looked like lemon pie. The curtains were open, which could only mean one thing. On the other side of the room, Jade saw her mother standing over the bed. 

‘Bad day at school yesterday?’ she asked. Jade groaned in response. 

Helen sat by the bed again. 

‘Are you going today?’ she asked. 

‘It’s Saturday mom, there’s no school on, I don’t have to.’ Helen looked concerned. She was right, wasn’t she? Jade couldn’t have slept through the entire weekend. 

‘That’s not what I meant.’ Helen said. ‘Today’s the day Jade.’ 

Jade was about to ask what day when she saw a grey pantsuit hanging by her door. It had been neatly pressed just for today. Jade gulped. 

‘I’ll make us some coffee’ Helen said, knowing that Jade would be joining her downstairs very soon. 

The courthouse was littered with press. The way they were scattered, the men looked like little cockroaches. They desperately clung to anyone who entered the building with the slightest bit of relevance to the case. As Jade exited her car and met the hoard head on, she tried not to think about how different this experience was to how she had imagined her first run in with the paparazzi. At least Jade looked pretty good in her suit. 

Jade entered the courtroom and took a seat between Patrick and her mother. The room was quite nice really, it had deep mahogany walls all around it, a warm vibe. Jade knew that she would enjoy staring at the room, which was lucky because as it turned out, the case itself was really difficult to pay attention to. 

Jade tried to listen as the barristers and solicitors presented their evidence, but the real life justice system was way more boring than it had been in movies. All of the evidence was presented in such meticulous detail. People tried to explain all the jargon for the juror’s sake, but it went way over Jade’s head. It felt unfair to Jade that a day she had built up to for so long, one that she had been dreading had turned out to just be kind of… boring. 

Jade barely paid attention to most of what was said, but she was brought back to reality when she heard someone say

‘I call to the stand Richard West to present his ending statement’. Jade sat up in her chair. 

‘I would like to thank my colleagues who have vouched for me today’ he said. ‘It’s easy to get caught up in what the media is telling people. They like to spin things, but the people who know me the best understand that I am not a dishonest or deceitful person. From what I have heard today, it would seem that my candour may have ruffled a few feathers, and I am sorry for the instances in which I have caused offence, but my actions have never been anything other than honest, and I hope that the justice system works for us today, and is able to acknowledge that.’

‘I would also like to thank my family’ Richard continued. ‘Including my faithful fiancé’ that was fast. 

‘And my loving daughter. Both of whom can attest to my character.' 

‘Well that’s bull’. 

Jade felt the eyes of the entire courtroom converge on her. Had she said that aloud? 

Jade noticed the prosecution utter some hushed words. Richard looked livid at he glanced at Jade and made his way off the stand. Oops. 

‘Ms West?’ A man on the bench asked. Jade looked around to check if there was anyone else with her name with whom he could be referring. Finding no one, she looked back at the man. ‘Would you kindly join us on the bench?’ 

Jade hesitated, she felt like her legs didn’t work, but Helen gave her a gently nudge indicating that it was okay, so she slowly made her way up. 

From the stand, the lights seemed harsh and the room far less warm. She wasn’t sure if it was the heat from the light or her own anxiety that was making her so sweaty. Jade rubbed her palms against her blazer. 

The man walked in front of her. 

‘Are you the daughter of Richard West?’ he asked. 

‘You know that I am’ Jade said. The man smiled sweetly and Jade wanted to throw up. 

‘A yes or no is fine ma’am.’ 

‘Yes’ Jade said. 

‘And how long have you known him?’ was this man stupid?

‘Um… 15 years?’ Jade said, but it sounded like a question. 

‘And in all that time, have you noticed him acting at all dishonest or deceitful?’ 

‘I don’t really know anything about the business side of things’ Jade explained patiently. ‘Because I’m 15.’ 

‘Yes I understand that Ms West, I don’t expect you to’ the man said. ‘I am not trying to gain any more information or evidence from the financial side of things here, I am simply trying to determine Richard’s character. In his statement, Richard claimed to be an honest man. All I would like to know is in your 15 years of knowing the man, has that rung true for you, would you have described him as honest.’ 

Jade thought. She considered everything Richard had done in her life. There were good things for sure. He had defended her in maths, given her whatever she had asked for. His sheer bluntness has been derisive but appreciated. Jade knew she had inherited that from her father. Still, there were so many bad things that she couldn’t look past too. He’d cheated on Helen with Helen’s best friend and followed up with a whole chain of other women. He had hated everything Jade stood for and not once congratulated her on anything, and worst of all, he just hadn’t been there. Jade thought back to all of the broken promises and lonely nights. Her father was not a good man, and far from loving, but as far as honestly went…

Jade looked at her father who stared at her sternly. That was the way he always looked at her, but there was a hint of urgency in his eyes in this moment. Then she looked to her mother who was smiling. She saw her mouth a ‘you can do it’. 

Jade realised she didn’t know her father well enough to give an honest answer. He simply hadn’t been around to show her who he was. 

‘I’m not sure’ Jade said.

‘Okay Ms West’ the man said, ‘You are free to leave.

The court adjourned for recess soon after. As Jade’s mother went to a café to buy her a sandwich, Jade caught sight of Richard. Looking at him she knew. No matter how the day turned out, Jade no longer had a father. 

When recess was ended, the members of the court had deliberated enough to make a decision. Jade watched intently as the Judge announced the verdict. She felt her hand tremble, and her knees shake. Jade wasn’t sure if she could stand properly. Helen and Patrick each took one of her hands and kept her steady. 

‘The court has decided’ Jade heard her heart pound. ‘Based on both the evidence presented as well as testaments of those who knew Richard the best.’ This was it. ‘That there is not enough evidence to convict Mr West of any charges. He is free to go.’ 

Free… No charges, did that mean…

Nothing? Jade stared in disbelief. Was he going to get off Scott free? Jade started feeling sick again. She could tell that her mother was trying to utter something to her, but she couldn’t make out what she was saying because she was underwater. 

Nothing? Jade heard a swarm of bees buzzing in her head.

Is this what Jade had wanted?

Jade’s legs got a mind of their own and they took her out of the courthouse. They pushed her past her mother. They pushed through the reporters. They pushed and pushed until Jade had walked all the way to a little park a couple blocks away. Jade sat on an empty swing and waited for her mind to get back inside her head. 

Jade swung her legs forward and back to move up and down on the swing. She set an even rhythm for herself. 

Up, down… Up down. It was pretty soothing. 

‘I bet I can go higher.’ Jade turned to her left to see Cat sitting on the swing next to her. 

‘Where did you come from?’ Jade asked still swinging. 

Cat joined her. 

‘The courthouse’ she said as she moved up and down. 

‘You came?’ she asked.

‘I told you I would’ Cat said as she was gaining momentum. ‘Thank you for defending me in class by the way. I’m sorry I ran off, I’m not supposed to talk about that sort of thing you know.’ 

Jade gained speed as well. 

‘Or to me’ Jade said, trying to sound casual.’

‘No’ Cat said. Jade didn’t understand why it hurt so much to hear her say it aloud. Jade tried not to think about it. Jade saw that Cat was moving even faster. If she thought she could beat Jade west in a competition…

Jade edged herself forward so that she was moving almost parallel to the bars. Trying to match her, Cat build up her speed as well. Cat and Jade were almost equally matched they were neck and neck until Cat’s grip on the metal chain loosened and she toppled onto the ground and landed on her bad arm in a thud. 

‘CAT!’ Jade jumped off her own swing, rolling a little in the land to check out her friend. Cat rubbed her arm. It was bruised, but not broken. Jade breathed a sigh of relief. 

Jade saw tears in Cat’s eyes. Oh no, she didn’t know if she could cope with her crying. To Jade’s surprise though, she heard no sobs. Instead cute little giggles came from Cat’s mouth. Before long, the giggles turned to full on laughter, and then she was on the ground hysterically clutching her chest. Jade had to admit, the sight of Cat catapulting through the air and onto the Astroturf had been quite a sight. Soon, she found that she too was finding hard to breath between fits of laughter. After what seemed like a lifetime, the girls managed to calm themselves enough to talk. 

‘My dad hates me’ Jade said, trying to sound nonchalant. This was her new reality, so she might as well get used to it. 

‘That’s okay’ Cat said. ‘My aunt and uncle hate me.’ 

‘And me’ Jade added. 

‘Yeah’ Cat agreed. ‘They think I’m visiting my brother right now.’ 

‘Well, I feel very touched that you would lie for me’ Jade said, nudging her with her hip. ‘And come. Thank you.’ 

‘You’re welcome.’ The girls sat on the ground smiling. Jade took one of Cat’s hands. Cat was surprised, but she didn’t pull it away. 

‘Hey Cat?’ She asked. 

‘Yeah’ Cat said. 

‘Can we be friends again?’ 

Cat grinned. ‘Of course’ She said. Cat engulfed Jade in a cuddle, and Jade found herself chuckling like a schoolgirl. She thanked god she wasn’t around anyone who could have heard her. 

Having Cat in her arms, Jade was met with a powerful urge to pull her in closer. Unfortunately, as she was about to do so, Cat pulled away enough that she was holding Jades shoulders at arm’s length. 

‘Oh! she exclaimed. You’ve been away from school so long, I haven’t had the chance to tell you.’ 

Jade chuckled, finding herself becoming excited by the news too. 

‘I have a boyfriend!’ Cat said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I have nothing to blame but extra writer's block. I am terribly sorry to anyone who knows anything about law because I know absolutely nothing and I am aware that the court scene was a bit of a mess. Thank you for all of your comments, please keep them coming.


	12. Chapter 12

Listen Jade’ Beck said. ‘I’m going to leave you to your thoughts for now.’ 

‘Good’. 

‘I’m doing this not because you’re right’ he clarified, ‘but because I know that you won’t last more than a day without this girl, and when you finally decide you want to apologise I can help you word it in a way that doesn’t make you look like a total gank.’ 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The night after the trial, Jade laid in bed ruminating. She had wasted weeks agonising over the moral standing of her father, wondering if he had been good or bad, but in the end, it hadn’t even mattered because it seemed like his actions had no consequences. Richard was free to go.

Jade felt like she had wasted the year letting beings inside of her head tell her what to do. The fat man had made her pathetic, and she’d always been afraid of what the monster meant for her, but why should she be? Richard did whatever he wanted, and for that he was rewarded with sports cars and wives with boob jobs. What would Jade receive if she did the same? Jade didn’t know yet, but she had decided. It was time for the monster to go rogue. 

Jade walked down the hallway with purpose. She pushed past anyone who got in the way of her and her target. He’d usually hung around his locker before class, but Jade couldn’t see him today. She did however spot Andre chatting up a pretty girl nearby. He’d point her in the right direction. Jade pushed the girl aside.

‘Um, excuse me’ the girl said. ‘We were talking…’

‘Where is he?’ Jade asked. 

‘Who?’ Andre asked.

From the corner of her eye, Jade spotted Beck walking up the staircase. Jade let go of Andre and ran up to meet the boy. 

‘Oi!’ she said. Beck didn’t hear her, so Jade ran in front of him and block him from moving any further. 

‘Oh hi Jade, I…’

‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ Jade asked. 

‘And hello to you to!’ Beck chuckled. ‘No, not at the moment, why?’ 

Without warning, Jade attacked Beck with a kiss. Jade was so forceful that Beck lost his footing from the shock, so Jade held him up by his upper back. Students in the hallway gawked. Jade smirked to herself knowing she was causing a scene. As she deepened the kiss with her tongue, and a freshman pretended to gag, Jade used the hand that wasn’t holding Beck to flip them the bird. When Jade let Beck go, he was breathless. 

‘You do now’ Jade said. 

Now this was more like it. Why had Jade been squishing this monster all this time? Getting a boyfriend at the top of the social hierarchy was just the first step. Jade wanted to do way more. 

As Jade waited for trig to start that morning, she felt tired and grumpy. She threw an eraser at a frizzy-haired girl in front of her. 

‘Get me a cappuccino’ she said. 

‘But I don’t… Class is about to start’ she said dumbly. 

‘I’m aware’ Jade said, glaring at the girl. ‘Go then’. 

The girl came back give minutes after the bell rang with a coffee in tow. Jade shook her head at the girl in disappointment as the teacher chastised her for her tardiness, still making sure to take the coffee from her arms. 

‘I hope you at least have your homework’ Jade’s teacher had said. Jade chuckled to herself as the girl searched for her missing work which had been on her desk 10 minutes prior.  
The girl spotted a familiar pink folder at the front of the class, with Jade’s name newly scribbled on it. She almost opened her mouth to protest, but after only one raised eyebrow from Jade, the girl decided against it. 

This was fun. Jade continued to show off her newfound power after class when Beck met her at her locker. She and him strode down the school hallway hand in hand. If anyone dared to even glance at Beck, they were met with a death stare. Jade found she had even more power and influence online. Jade made a post on the slap to mark her territory, and she smiled as she saw her followers rise. They all seemed fascinated by this new girl who had swooped in and snatched the hottest guy in school. 

When Jade and Beck arrived in the dining area, they joined Robbie and Andre at their usual table. 

‘Hey man, I heard the news’ Andre said, shoving Beck playfully. ‘Nice work.’

‘Although I’m scared for you’, Robbie said, ‘I am proud of your achievement.’ 

‘Congratulate Jade’ Beck said. ‘This was all her doing.’

Damn straight. Jade took a bite of her burrito in triumph. The monster had been loose for a matter of hours, and Jade had already gained the attention of the masses. Jade was sure that nothing could dampen her mood, but when she caught sight of the food truck, she was quickly proven wrong. 

Jade watched a ratty-haired skater boy inhale Cat with his enormous mouth. The scene reminded Jade of that sucking machine from Monster’s Inc. Jade bit into her burrito so hard that bean guts spilled over the table and onto Robbie’s collar. 

‘Dang girl, warn a person’ Rex said as Robbie rubbed brown muck off of his eyes. 

‘Next time, I’ll blind you’ Jade said, causing Robbie to hold his puppet back protectively. 

Cat and her new boyfriend Mark walked over, and Jade noticed that there was only one chair left. Jade had hoped that Mark would leave, or that they both might, but instead, Mark chose to sit down on the chair and let Cat climb on top off him. Cat wiggled around to make herself comfortable and Jade thought she might throw up. 

‘Whoa, what happened here?’ Mark asked gesturing to the mess. 

‘Jade got angry’ Andre explained, ‘and decided it was the burrito’s fault.’ 

‘Aww’ Mark said feigning sympathy. ‘Do you want to taco bout it?’ Cat burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter at Marks incredibly mediocre joke. Jade just about crumpled her soda can when she saw Cat move in to kiss him again. 

‘Mark’ Jade said through gritted teeth. ‘Why don’t you get us some napkins to clean this up?’ Mark gently lifted Cat off his lap and kissed her on the head before running off to the food cart again. Cat sat in his place. 

‘I heard you’re with Beck now’ Cat said to Jade. ‘Well done on that!’ Cat poked Jade in the chest and she smiled. At least she understood that Jade made the decisions. 

‘She’s a fantastic kisser’ Beck said grinning and slinging and arm around Jade. Cat smiled in return as she said 

‘I always knew she would be.’ Cat’s face reddened when she noticed the group looking at her strangely. 

When Mark returned and continued his assault on Cat, Jade decided it was time to go. She heard Cat yell

‘We’re talking about this on Friday night’ when she left. 

Jade and Beck made their way up a flight of stairs to the school’s roof. Jade walked casually across the roof and stood by its edge. Slowly, Beck followed from behind.

‘Not that I’m not thankful for the alone time’ Beck said, ‘but why are we up here?’ Jade heard a hint of nervousness in the boy’s voice, so she turned around to see him. Beck stood close behind Jade, but he was unwilling to follow her all the way to the building’s edge. Jade smiled, deciding to have some fun. She used the border of the building as a tightrope. 

‘Stop that!’ Beck said as Jade walked on her toes from one end to the other. Jade jumped up, causing him to scream, but she landed on her bottom, sat on the edge of the building and laughed. 

‘That wasn’t funny’ Beck said, but Jade begged to differ. 

‘I’m here’ Jade said, ‘Because I’ve seen enough of the inside of Mark’s mouth to last a lifetime.’

‘Yeah’ Beck agreed. ‘They’re very… affectionate. Still, if this morning was any indication, you are far from a prude, why do you care?’ 

‘I don’t’ Jade insisted. ‘But Mark is ugly, and him kissing anyone is gross.’ Jade stood up and looked over the edge of the building. She hovered a foot in the air as if she planned to step out. 

‘Jade!’ 

Jade glanced at poor Beck who looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Jade hopped down from the edge and kissed Beck on the cheek. 

‘Come on you baby’ she said, ‘we’ll find somewhere on the ground to chill.’ 

That afternoon, Jade came home to the smell of fresh donuts. She smiled as she grabbed a jelly one from the table and sat down. Across from her, Patrick was munching on a donut of his own. Red and white muck was already smeared across his face. Helen moved the boy’s homework to the other side of the table away from the mess. 

‘Good day at school?’ Helen asked. Busy chewing, Jade simply nodded. 

‘That’s good dear' Helen said. ‘Anything interesting happen?’ 

‘Well actually’ Jade said, ‘I’m going to be going out with this guy, Beck and Saturday, and…’

‘Ooh’ Patrick said with his mouth full, ‘Jade has a boyfriend!’. 

‘Yeah’ Jade said. ‘Maybe we can go on double dates with you and Caitlin some time’. She winked and Patrick pretended to barf. 

‘How exciting!’ Helen said as she sat down. ‘I remember my first boyfriend, Dave Cooper. He had the coolest motorcycle.’ 

‘Uhuh’ Jade said as she scrolled through her slap page. 

‘But you’ll have better taste than me I’m sure’ Helen said. Jade made herself comfortable. Helen could go for a good twenty minutes on these rants about her old life. Jade didn’t really mind. All Jade had to do was to nod and murmur an ‘mmhm’ every so often to keep her satisfied and then she could retreat to her room for some peace. 

Unfortunately though, just as Jade was about to head upstairs, the topic of Helen’s conversation turned back to Jade. 

‘How are you doing after last weekend?’ Helen asked. ‘I know I wouldn’t be too happy to be the blood relative of that lying…’. 

‘Totally fine mom’ Jade said as she retreated to her room and jammed the door shut with a chair. 

To Jade’s disappointment, the usually self-involved Helen became far chattier and more interested in her daughter’s wellbeing that week. Every night it was a different sweet treat and a different attempt to get her to talk. 

Helen had offered Jade French pastries as she asked about if there was anything she wanted to mention to Hannah. She’d tried milkshakes as she attempted to determine what Jade had talked about with Cat. On Thursday, Helen had even gotten Patrick to do her dirty work as she sent him in with questions about Richard. Helen had received a yelling at and door slam for that one. 

‘I just miss you’ Helen had said, but Jade wasn't hearing it. Jade had a very clear idea of what she wanted her life to be with this monster by her side, and kumbiyah's with mommy were not part of that picture. 

Still, Helen kept trying, and when Jade came home with Cat that Friday, they were both overwhelmed by the scent of meatballs in the oven.

Patrick pouted. ‘How come you make Cat’s favourite food every time she comes over, but when I want ice cream for dinner, you tell me it’s too sugary?’ he asked.

‘Because I like Cat better sweetheart’ Helen said as she ruffled his hair. 

‘Oh, I love ice cream too!’ Cat said. 

Helen took out a grocery bag and placed it on the table. She pulled out a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

‘After dinner’ she said. Cat and Patrick looked at each other and grinned. 

Cat and Jade returned to Jade’s room after dinner stuffed. 

‘Do you eat like that every night?’ Cat asked, rubbing her stomach. 

‘Lately yeah’ Jade said. ‘I think mom’s just happy I’m eating again.’ 

‘You stopped eating?’ Cat asked. 

‘Uhh… no I… ‘Jade cursed herself for oversharing. ‘Aren’t you happy after weeks of salads and sugar free muesli bars?’ Jade asked. 

‘Yes’ Cat agreed. ‘Do your nails?’ 

‘Sure’ Jade said. ‘But I’m picking the colour.’ Jade reached for Cat’s handbag, but Cat snatched it away. Holding the bag to her chest, Cat anxiously looked inside it to see whether its contents were still intact. 

Jade put her hands up in defence. 

‘Didn’t know you’d brought the collection today’ Jade chuckled. ‘I won’t touch your DVDs; can I just have black?’

Cat nodded and withdrew the bottle from her bag. She moved Jade’s left foot forward to get to work. 

‘Hey Cat’ Jade asked, ‘You’ve been living with the Morman’s for what like a month now?’ 

‘Mormons?’ Cat asked.

‘Pearl and Walter’ Jade clarified.

‘Oh, I think they’re Cath –‘ 

‘Doesn’t matter.’ She said. ‘How’s it going at their house, still feeling suffocated?’

‘Things have loosened a little since Mark’ Cat said. ‘They let me go out more, the food’s still. It’s fine, I’m fine. Mark is great Jade, I…’

‘I get it’ Jade said. ‘Guessing Pearl and Walter are still not my greatest fans though. They think you’re with your brother?’

‘Mark’ Cat said. She tapped Jades left toe to indicate that she was done and went to work on her right one. 

‘Your religious aunt and uncle would prefer you to stay with a boy overnight than with me?’ 

Cat said nothing. 

‘Ouch’ Jade said. ‘But you’re fine yeah?’

Cat nodded. ‘And after everything with Rich –‘

‘Don’t say his name’ Jade said. ‘I’m fine too.’ 

When Cat reached her arm up to work on Jade's other hand, her sleeve fell down in the process. Cat's eyes widened in shock when she noticed, and she almost spilled black paint all over the carpet with the speed in which she fixed it. 

‘Jade, I’m sorry I…’ 

Jade laughed. 

‘You’re always so cold’ she said. 

‘So’ Cat said. ‘Are you exited for your first date?’ 

On Saturday afternoon, after Cat had gone home, Jade found herself staring into her closet helplessly. She had exactly two jackets to choose from. Why did everything she owned suddenly seem so hideous? Her ripped jeans and t-shirt too, which had been fine a day ago now looked like they should be incinerated. 

‘What are you doing in there Jade?’ Helen called. ‘I asked you about ten minutes what time you were expecting Beck to pick you and you – oh’ Helen smiled at the doorway when she saw what Jade was doing. 

‘I did the same thing on my first date’ Helen said. ‘Really wanted to impress Dave with the motorbike and the mullet, I thought he was so cool.’ Helen nudged Jade in the hip, but she ignored her. The doorbell rang so Helen turned to leave. 

‘If it helps’ Helen said, ‘I prefer the cardigan’. Jade put on the leather jacket. 

As Jade looked at her collection of shoes, she heard her mother hounding her date-to-be downstairs. 

‘Oh an actor’ Jade heard. ‘Now I know you would be excellent at that. Such a handsome young man!’

Jade decided she had better hurry up and make a decision before her boyfriend became her mother’s.

As Jade made her way downstairs, she could hear beck being interrogated by yet another family member.

‘Now’ I’m not entirely sure what intentions means’ Patrick said. ‘But if your ones are bad, I’ll… Hi Jade’

Jade entered the lounge room to greet the boys. Beck must have conditioned his hair the night before because it was looking especially fluffy today. The way Beck’s locks danced around, Jade wondered if it was legal for him to look this good. Beck looked at Jade as he heard her enter. 

‘You… You don’t look hideous’ Jade said. 

‘Thanks. I think you look beautiful’ Beck replied as he half smiled. Jade found it hard to look the boy in the eyes. 

‘Alright’ she said, ‘well, bye Pat, mom, I…’

‘Don’t you even think about it’ Helen said as she stood by the door with her PearPhone at the ready. 

‘No’ Jade said. 

‘Oh come on’ Helen said, ‘I have to take at least one picture of your first real date.’ 

Beck nodded and made a face that indicated she had a point. Jade huffed. 

‘Fine,’ she said. ‘You post that on social media, and you’re dead to me’ 

After travelling in Beck’s father’s truck, the pair arrived at a local shopping mall parking lot. 

‘A movie’ Jade said. ‘Not that original, but it will do.’ Beck’s half smile returned. 

‘Didn’t realise I was being graded’ he said. 

‘Don’t worry’ Jade said. ‘I give very helpful feedback.’ 

‘Appreciated’ Beck said, 'but that’s not where we’re headed.'

Beck led Jade through the shopping mall to their destination. They climbed the escalators until they reached a luminescent room with concrete walls and flooring. The reception area was tattered with tacky vases.

Jade scoffed. ‘Is this some sort of pottery making thing?’ she asked. ‘Because if you think I’m going all ghost on you, I – ‘ 

CRASH 

Jade heard thrashing coming from behind the reception areas followed by screams and whoops of joy. Jade furrowed her brow at Beck. 

‘It’s not’ he said, ‘come on’. Beck paid the woman at the desk and was directed to go through the doors with a member of staff. Beck gestured for Jade to follow with him. 

Beck and Jade were invited into a changing area. They were instructed to put on overalls and face masks and to each pick up a baseball bat. When they were dressed, Jade and Beck entered a second room. This room was also filled with vases, stacked boxes, and empty bottles. 

‘What’s all this?’ Jade asked. 

‘This is The Break Room’ the staff member explained. ‘Destroy as much as you want and have fun, but do not remove your masks. You have 30 minutes, go for it.’ 

Beck picked up his bat and wiggled his eyebrows at Jade. 

‘Bet I can break more’ he said. 

‘You’re on’ Jade said. 

Jade’s first target was the boxes in the corner. She started off smashing them with her bat, but she felt that it was inefficient, so she instead piled them on top of each other and stomped on them until they were flat. Jade saw Beck line up a row of beer bottles and take a swing, so Jade did the same. Glass spilled everywhere, it was the most amazing thing Jade had ever experienced. 

Then Jade saw the vases. They were balanced on little stands on the walls. Jade throttled each and every one of them. One vase was tougher than the rest. It fell down, and broke in two when she swung at it, but it didn’t disintegrate completely. From the ground, Jade made sure to eliminate every last piece of glass. 

Next to the ones on the stands, there was one last vase sitting on the floor. From this angle, the vase almost looked like man. Jade was so ready. She used all of her force to destroy the structure, but this vase was thick. She smashed it again and caused only minimal damage. 

So that’s how it was going to be. This vase was ready for a fight, and Jade was going to give it to him. Fuck this vase. Jade began to pound. 

Just because it was made of clay did not mean it was indestructible. This vase just thought it could sit here and do whatever the hell it wanted without any regard for what anyone or Jade felt, this vase did not have the right. Jade let the vase have it,. She smashed it so much that by the time she was done she was hitting the ground with nothing but rubble.  
Still, Jade kept smashing. She moved the bat back and forth again and again. She felt a small ache in her arm as a stay piece of glass cut her but Jade barely noticed. There was a beeping in the background, but Jade ignored that too. She went at this structure with all the force she could muster, she raised her bat, readied herself to swing and...

Jade was turned around. Angered, Jade raised her bat again to her new attacker. 

‘Jade?’

The sound of Jade’s name brought her back to reality. In front of her, Jade saw Beck staring at her, his face ashen. 

‘We’re um… out of time’ he said. Jade dropped the bat to the floor. 

Jade’s legs took her out of the break room and into the food court on their own. She walked silently as she began to ponder what had just happened. Where had she gone for those last few minutes?

Was she really about to hit Beck? How did she look when she went to that place? And what would have happened if she hadn't been able to come back?

Jade wasn't sure. She didn't know where she had gone, or how long she would have stayed there without interruption, but the one thing Jade did know was that breaking things was freaking awesome. Jade had the power. It wasn't Helen, it wasn't her teachers, it certainly wasn't Richard. If Jade wanted to, she could throttle anyone who got in her way with nothing more than a baseball bat. 

‘Did you like it?’ Beck asked from beside her. Jade looked at him surprised, she hadn’t realised he was there. 

‘Because if you didn’t, we can do something different next time.’ He seemed so shy. ‘It’s just that I thought you might enjoy it because I know you like to break things, and you have all those scissors, so…’

Beck was unable to continue talking because Jade’s lips were on his. Jade gave Beck a gentle kiss. It was tender and sweet, unlike the first one she had experienced. Jade decided that she liked the sensation of his skin brushing against hers. It felt warm, comforting. 

‘Chill’ she reassured. ‘You did good.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am afraid that updates in the future may be more sporadic because as it turns out I do not have the executive functioning to organise my weeks enough to post every weekend. 
> 
> Worry not though, I will complete the work when I am able. Thank you all for your comments so far, I very much appreciate everything that you say, and I welcome any feedback you have. 
> 
> You can even insult me it you like. I'll start us off: Your username makes absolutely no sense.


	13. The secret Part 1

Should Jade apologise? She knew she had hurt Cat’s feelings. Thinking back on what she had known of Cat, perhaps Jade could find some truth in what she had been saying. But even if she had been sincere in her group-wide coming out, that had meant that Cat had lied to her by omission for the past three years, and Cat had sworn to be open and honest with Jade at the end of ninth grade. Why would Cat choose to conceal such an essential part of who she was from a person who she knew wouldn’t have minded. Jade couldn’t understand it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jade West readied herself for battle. She zeroed in on her opponent and tightened her grip on the bat. In this moment, nothing mattered more than breaking this monitor into a million tiny pieces. Jade pulled her bat back and took a swing.

Hit! Jade felt a jolt of exhilaration as pieces of glass went flying. The Break Room had received a bunch of old computer gear from the dump, which was excellent for Jade. She felt like her time in this room was retribution for every frozen screen and lost Word document in her life. 

Jade broke keyboards, and motherboards. She even pulled apart the different wires with her bare teeth. It wasn’t until every part of the room had turned to rubble that Jade finally felt she could breathe again.

Jade felt calm, at peace. Jade felt that nothing that was going on either inside or outside of her could take away her sense of power or control. Jade felt that way for a good minute, before she glanced at her Pearphone and saw the messages from her mother.

Helen 3:58: When are you coming home from school???

Helen 4:01: You need to take care of Patrick, it’s my therapy day this week.

Helen 4:35: Answer your phone Jade.

Helen 4:51: I’m taking Patrick with me, not happy.

Helen 5:30: Call me when you’re home. Jade, this is the third time this week!

Jade didn’t call her back. She didn’t text her either. When Helen inevitably came home fuming, Jade did her best to ignore the words coming out of her mother’s mouth. Years of practice living with Helen had made Jade fairly good at this and Helen eventually gave up, presumably to redirect her efforts to Patrick.

The Break Room had been banned after Helen and Jade's 'conversation'. Why did Helen have to ruin everything? Jade had spent months wrestling with her own mind. The monsters were gone, Jade ran the show now, but her stupid mother was trying to take away the one space that was all Jade's. Jade sulked all night long and was grumpy right up until lunch the next school day.

Jade huffed as she withdrew an immaculately packed lunch from her bag which was accompanied by a full page letter from Helen explaining to Jade exactly what she had been doing wrong lately, and what she really should be doing instead. Jade didn’t take much notice to most of what was written except for the last line which read

I’m picking you up after school, it’s a therapy day. Fantastic.

Jade noticed that inside her packed lunch were two desserts, each labelled ‘Jade’ and ‘Cat respectively. Jade glanced at her friend who was looking at her expectantly. She handed Cat an apple turnover.

‘Your mom is so nice!’ Cat said as she bit in. She discarded her whole-wheat tuna almost instantly. At least someone was enjoying the perks of Helen’s half-arsed overparenting.  
Jade didn’t hate therapy. She knew she didn’t need it, after all, no more monsters. Still, Jade had been craving a place that felt all her own and therapy certainly filled that function for a while. There was never any judgement in those four walls, and Jade felt like Hannah was genuinely interested in what she had to say. When Jade explained what destroying stuff meant to her, she knew Hannah got it. But therapy was never entirely for Jade, not really. Helen entered the room after 40 minutes to demonstrate that point. She barely took a breath before she started.

‘She has this new boyfriend you see’ Helen began. ‘And while I think he is fantastic; I do feel like the amount of time they are spending together is…’

As always, Jade began to tune out a lot what her mother was saying. She focused on snippets here and there.

‘This new habit of hers is really not especially…’

‘I understand that it is controlled, but I see those delinquents on the streets....’

‘What you need understand is that it can be quite a slippery slope between…’

‘Her brother! Well I mean do not get me started…’

Helen steamrolled the conversation for a good 20 minutes. It was 8 minutes after the session was supposed to end when Hannah, who had already packed away her belongings finally managed to get a word in.

‘Thank you for sharing’ Hannah said. ‘And if Jade would like to talk about any of those things, she is welcome to in our next session.’

‘But I really thing that we should…’

Hannah opened the clinic door, a motion which even Helen understood meant that this conversation was over.

Helen’s ranting and raving didn’t stop for the rest of the week, and without the Break Room as an outlet, Jade felt just about ready to explode as she left for Beck’s house that Saturday. The day beforehand, Beck had texted Jade his address, and Jade had been thrilled to discover that it was in walking distance of her house.

The first chance she got, Jade grabbed her belongings and walked out the door with no more than a text message reading

Jade 10:30: Going to Beck’s.

Jade would deal with consequences of that later. Jade walked down the street until she reached number 37. She couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. She knew that parents didn’t exactly love her. Jade hoped that Beck would be home alone so that she could just enjoy some time with him in peace. Jade readied herself to knock on Beck’s door, but just before she made contact, Jade heard an

‘Over here’ coming from her left. Jade looked over and saw Beck leaning against a silver trailer and waving to her. Jade walked over to join him.

‘That was my parent’s place’ Beck explained. ‘We’ll be hanging out in here.’ Beck opened the door of his RV and led Jade inside.

The RV’s windows were sealed shut so there wasn’t much natural sunlight coming through. Inside, the flooring was deep green and the overhead lighting was dim. The place was decorated in a way that reminded Jade of an old-fashioned pub.

‘You live in a trailer?’ Jade asked.

‘RV’ Beck clarified. ‘And yeah, I don’t like living by anyone else’s rules’.

Jade glanced at the sign on the wall that read ‘no loud music.’ Various construction regulations hung on the walls as well.

‘They’re ironic’ Beck clarified. ‘When I’m in this thing, it’s my house my rules. I like it.’

Beck sat back on his couch and invited Jade to join him.

‘So what do you think?’ Beck asked.

‘It’s alright’ Jade shrugged as she rested her head on Beck’s shoulder.

This was Jade’s place. She knew it. Jade wouldn’t have thought there would have been much to do in that tiny little trailer, but something that surprised her about Beck was that he was a lot of fun. The pair bonded over their shared love of the performing arts. Beck listened intently as Jade described in meticulous detail how brilliantly her favourite movie The Scissoring was written and directed. He seemed genuinely interested in Jade’s descriptions of the lighting and use of sound. Beck too provided Jade with some insight into how his favourite actor stole the scene in every movie he was in.

Beck seemed appreciative when Jade introduced him to her favourite movies, and when Beck introduced Jade to his violent video games, she couldn’t imagine how she had lived without cutting the necks of zombies before. When they weren’t talking or playing, Jade and Beck were kissing. Being with Beck wasn’t like being with anyone else. She certainly had the power here. She knew that if she touched Beck here, or slipped her tongue over there, she could get whatever she wanted from him.

But sometimes, Jade let Beck hold her and touch that spot on her ear that made her go crazy. On occasion, Jade would let Beck pepper her neck with love and she would lose sight of anything and everything that was going on around her. To Jade, this felt less like giving up her control, and more about transferring it momentarily to someone she knew could hold it with care.

Jade had found her place to be, and she had decided that it was perfect. So perfect in fact that any place that was not her place or rather their place simply wasn’t important anymore.

School fell by the wayside. This didn’t end up being too much of an issue since Jade had made the frizzy haired girl do all of her non-artsy homework for her. Jade still did what she needed to for film and Sikowitz’s class, and her and Beck still ran lines together, but Beck tended to be kind of… distracting.

As the weeks went by Jade’s social life to became pretty restricted. Jade managed to find every nook and cranny of the school to make out with her boyfriend in, and she was happy to say that in the first couple of months of her dating Beck, she managed to leave the janitor’s closet in far worse of a condition than it had been in before.

On the rare occasion that Jade did frequent the dining hall, she was pretty absent. It took a spiky ball to the face for Jade to pay attention to what was going on one lunch time.

‘What do you think Jade?’ Jade looked up to see that Cat, along with the entire group was looking at her. Jade glanced at Beck to see whether he knew what the girl was talking about, but he shrugged.

‘Yeah, sure’ Jade said, and Cat looked at her incredulously.

‘Yes, you think it’s okay that Sinjin was caught sniffing girls underwear?’

‘I uhh… Why don’t you ask Mark his opinion?’ Jade asked.

A lanky boy to Cat’s left said ‘Who?’

Cat’s smile faltered for a split second when she explained.

‘That’s Connor’.

‘Oh’ Jade said. Before quickly drawing her attention to a text from Beck and forgetting about the conversation.

That Thursday evening, Jade received a text from Cat asking

Cat 5:58 PM: Am I coming over tomorrow?

Jade 6:00 PM: Of course, weirdo

Jade replied. After all, Cat had never bothered to ask her that before. Jade was almost about to ask Cat about her sudden change in behaviour but when she received a

Cat 6:01 PM: YAY!!!

From Cat in return, all of Jade’s concerns for her friend quickly melted away.

Jade glanced at Cat as she scoffed down her dinner. As usual, Helen had prepared a feast for their weekly sleepover, but this time, she had outdone herself. Knowing that she would be cooking for someone who would genuinely appreciate it, Helen had gone to great effort making a three course meal of dips and cheese, tacos and lemon meringue pie for dessert.

Jade found Helen to be more tolerable with Cat in the room too. Cat’s infectious cheer always brought Helen out of her moody states so that instead of whining and criticism, Helen’s stories contained snark and sass. Jade overhead Helen make only 2 jabs at her the entire meal. Still, when Helen’s topic of conversation turned to Beck, Jade was reminded of why she didn’t typically spend time with her mother, and Jade led a reluctant Cat away.

‘I think Mrs Helen is more keen for gossip about your boyfriend than I am’ Cat said as she entered Jade’s bedroom.

‘I know’ Jade said. ‘Got to love my mother hey?’

‘I know’ Cat agreed. ‘I wish I could spend every day here. I mean she’s so nice, and she cooks so well that…’

‘I was being sarcastic’ Jade explained.

‘Oh’ Cat said as she rubbed her long sleeve. ‘I think she’s nice.’

Jade looked at her friend strangely.

‘Why are you wearing that thing Cat? I know you’re only like 100 pounds, but it’s almost April.’

Cat didn’t answer. Instead, she retrieved a magazine from her bag and lied on her stomach on Jade’s bed.

‘Ugh’ Jade scoffed at Cat. ‘Dolly? Really?’

‘It’s fun’ Cat replied. ‘And when I’m at my aunt and uncle’s place I’m not allowed to… What is mean is, there’s a quiz in here about whether or not you’re with the right man, and your mother reminded me with her talk about Beck, so I really think we should do it together.’

‘Why?’ Jade asked. ‘I don’t need a quiz to know that me and Beck should be together’

Cat’s smile, which had been wide since the minute she entered Jade’s house fell momentarily.

‘I know!’ Cat said. ‘Honestly, you and Beck are so cute Jadey, it’s like you’re a completely different person with him. I mean when I actually get to see you guys you’re like so in love I…’

Jade smiled proudly.

‘But the quiz is for me and Connor’ Cat said. ‘I have to find out if he’s the one! Spring fling is coming up, and I want to know if he’s good enough to take me.’  
‘Connor?’ Jade asked. ‘Who?’

Again, Cat’s smile faltered. ‘My boyfriend, remember?’

‘Oh.’ Jade said. ‘Is that the one with the spikey hair, or the one with the shaved head.’

‘Neither’ Cat said. ‘He’s the tall one, with those dazzling blue eyes! You really don’t remember?’

‘Sure I do’ Jade said. She glanced down at her phone to see that Beck had texted her an image of Jack Nicolson in lingerie with the caption “We should get Sinjin to give this a smell”. Jade burst into laughter as she read. A ball hit Jade in the face for the second time that week when she typed out a reply to him.

Jade looked at Cat who was getting pissed.

‘I asked what you were laughing at’ Cat said.

‘Nothing Jade said. ‘Sorry Cat, I’m just not that into quizzes, but hey why don’t you do it, and tell me the results when you’re done.’

‘But I thought that together we could…’

‘Have fun, seriously dying to hear it.’

Jade didn’t end up hearing it because by the time she looked up from her Pearphone, it was dark, and Cat was asleep. Jade meant to wake up the following day and apologise to Cat for ignoring her, but when she eventually got out of bed, Cat had already left. Cat would be alright Jade figured. She never really held a grudge for long anyways.

As the month rolled on, Beck and Jade didn’t get any better at leaving their little love bubble. With Jade feeling so secure in her space, she barely noticed the rest of the school devolving into chaos until she was met with a panic-stricken Robbie pacing around the dining table. Jade threw a French fry at his face.

‘Will you stop that?’ Jade said. ‘You’re making me dizzy.

Robbie barely even looked at Jade before he continued pacing.

‘How can you all be so calm?’ Robbie asked as he removed the fry from his ear. We have three exams due in two weeks along with our major performance from Sikowitz and I don’t know how I’m going to have time to sleep in between that and my – ‘

Another fry was pelted at Robbie, from Beck this time. Jade smiled at her boyfriend.

‘Relax dude’ Beck said as he leaned back on his chair and slung his arm around Jade. ‘We’ll be fine.’

‘Fine?’ Robbie asked. ‘Fine? Well I don’t see how that can be considering our major performance for Sikowitz is supposed to be in pairs, and we have yet to even look at the script he gave us.’

‘Oh yeah’ Beck said as he looked at Robbie who was enraged. ‘I was supposed to’

‘Practice with me last night? Yeah, you were’ Robbie crossed his arms and pouted.

‘Major project?’ Jade thought allowed. ‘Was I assigned a…’

‘Partner?’ Andre asked. ‘Yeah, you were supposed to do it with little red.’

She was? But then why wouldn’t she… Jade checked her phone. She searched for Cat’s name and saw that she had 5 missed calls, 2 voicemails and 20 messages from the girl, each one more frantic than the last. The first message Jade had received from Cat about the project was more than a month prior. Jade glanced at Beck when she realised her mistake. He too returned her glance with a facial expression that let her know the he too understood that they had royally fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too boring, I understand that it is primarily set up. Part two will be posted within the week, it is almost complete and has a little more drama than this one. 
> 
> I made Jade way angstier than I had intended in this story. In a lot of what I have read, Jade is sort of angry, but my goodness I have made her such a moody teenager. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think.


	14. The secret Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for self-harm

Jade didn’t want to apologise. Jade never apologised, and she was never wrong, but Jade knew how sensitive her friend was. One time, when Robbie stepped on a butterfly, Cat had sulked for hours, and Jade didn’t want to deal with a pouty Cat in her sleepovers over the next year. Plus, Jade did kind of want to pass Sikowitz’s class, so she left the dining area in search of her friend. 

Cat’s vibrant red hair acted as a beacon which directed Jade to her location. Jade spotted Cat inside music room 2 sucking face with a plain-looking freshman. Ugh.

The boy’s hair was parted down the middle, and his collar buttoned right to the top. His face was greasier than a McDonald’s burger. Cat truly had the worst taste in men. Cat and her new beau were stood behind a drum set. The boy had wedged himself behind the cymbal so that every time he attempted to make a grab for Cat’s boob (which was often), the cymbal would make annoying clanging sound. 

After Cat re-positioned the boy’s arms, and the clanging stopped, Jade cleared her throat to make her presence known. The couple ignored her, so Jade she pulled the boy away from Cat physically. 

‘Oh hi Jade’ Cat said, slightly startled by her appearance, ‘I didn’t expect to see you here without…’

‘You need to leave now’ Jade said to the boy, disregarding Cat, ‘I have to talk to my friend’. 

Cat’s new loser looked at Jade dumbly. He seemed to have barely processed what she had said. 

‘Go’ Jade insisted, and she shoved him out the door when it became clear that he wasn’t going to move on his own. Cat was pouting when Jade turned back around.

‘That wasn’t very nice’ she said. 

‘I’m not very nice’ Jade reasoned. 

‘That’s true’ Cat agreed, taking a seat on the piano stool. ‘So how come you’re here?’ 

How come… Hadn’t Cat just sent her a thousand messages begging for her to be?

‘Well … You know, Robbie just had a major freak out, and also you kind of blew up my phone, so I figured…’

Cat started to giggle. 

‘Sorry about that, my mum says I’m something called an over-texter? I figured you would have known that about me by now.’ ‘Oh and Robbie!’ 

Cat giggled harder. 

‘He really was freaking out huh? He’s so funny, he was panicking so much when he called me last night, he kind of reminded me of this one time when my brother uh – sorry’ 

Cat put her hands to her mouth to stop herself. 

‘I know you don’t like it when I talk about him’ 

‘It’s uhh… fine?’ Jade said, although it came out as more of a question. Jade had sworn that she had been the one that had been supposed to apologise in this conversation. 

‘So… you’re not mad about… the homework?’ 

‘Mad no.’ Cat said, ‘but confused, yes. Do you think you could help me out with the script a little? I tried my best, but what I came up with isn’t exactly… in order.’ 

‘Uhh sure’ Jade said, ‘We’ll work on it Friday night’ 

‘Kay Kay!’ Cat said as she skipped off down the hall. Strange. Very strange. Jade had been used to Cat’s mood swings, but this behaviour seemed especially unusual.

Jade had almost ignored her friend for months, and when Jade brought that up with her, Cat had seemed unfazed. On the other hand, it had stopped Jade from having to apologise, and Jade despised apologies. Jade decided to let it go. She definitely was not planning on bring this up again.

‘Are you sure you’re not mad?’ Jade asked, bringing the conversation up again. 

‘What about?’ Cat asked. 

‘About… well I’ve been kind of spending a lot of time with Beck and...’ 

‘Oh yeah, you’re obsessed.’

‘No, I’m not…’ 

‘But It’s cool, Beck's like your dolly dream boy' Cat said. 

‘My…’ 

Cat pulled a magazine out of her bag and flipped it to a page to show Jade. 

‘Dolly says that a girl’s first boyfriend is supposed to be her rock. She means the world to him and he means the world to her. They spend all their time together and would absolutely die without each other. I’ve seen a dolly dream boy in just about every movie I’ve ever seen, and I know for a fact that Beck is yours!'

‘Don’t say that!’ Jade shouted. 

‘But he is’ Cat said, ‘You and Beck are like the perfect couple. I keep trying to be like you guys, but the boys I’ve dated… I haven’t really been able to um...’

‘Dinner’s ready’ 

Helen called from downstairs, and both girls seemed to be happy for the distraction. 

Jade bit down on her salmon in indignation. Beck was not her dolly dream boy. Just because she had spent just about every waking moment with him, and just because he had been so wrapped up in their love bubble that she had forgotten entirely about school, and her friends and… shit. 

Jade could not believe that she had been reduced to this. Nothing more than one of those pathetic teenage girls from Cat’s magazine. What upset Jade almost as much was that Cat seemed to idolise her for it. That girl was so… strange. 

Cat mounted about six potatoes onto her plate to demonstrate the point.

‘Woah leave some for the rest of us’ Helen said, which caused Cat to blush and mutter her apologies as she returned a few pieces with her fork. 

‘I’m kidding dear’ Helen clarified as she gave Jade a questioning look. Jade simply shrugged in return. 

As unusual Cat was, Jade had to admit that she was a very diligent worker. 

‘This is what I’ve got so far’ 

Cat said as she pulled out a notebook full of sketch ideas for their play. Each picture had a different design and colour theme, each was unique and incredibly detailed. 

‘They go along with this’ Cat clarified as she took Jade’s laptop and opened a file that had been emailed to Jade months prior. 

‘I had to be a little broad with my options’ Cat said, ‘since I figured that once you read this, you’d want to make some changes. I… tried my best. ‘ 

Jade read over the script that Cat had drafted. It was a mess. It had a juvenile plot, if you could even call it a plot; Jade could find neither a beginning nor an end to what was written, and for some reason, every character was a giraffe. Still, feeling impressed by her effort, and ashamed to have been too caught up with her boyfriend to contribute, Jade decided to be nice. 

‘It’s um’ Jade searched for an appropriate thing to say. ‘Very you.’ 

Cat seemed uncertain.

‘I like the costumes’ Jade said. ‘I’m sure we can find a couple to use, just let me make some adjustments to this script.’ 

Cat was happy with Jade’s response. 

Jade re-examined what Cat had written and tried to turn it into something that was at least passable. It turned out that it was easier than she would have thought. While Cat's work was quite pitiful, it was at least imaginative, and gave Jade a unique perspective to star from. When Jade got into the flow of writing, she realised how much she had missed it. It barely took any time for Jade to complete the script. When Jade did, and she looked to her friend for approval, she found that Cat was busying herself by moving Jade's favourite scissors back and forth in front of her face. Cat was weird. 

Luckily for Cat, in spite of her weirdness, or perhaps because of it, she had a lot of talent. With Jade’s writing skills and Cat’s costume design, combined with both of their acting talent, Cat and Jade put on a hell of a performance and landed themselves an A. 

Jade forced the frizzy haired freshman to hand over her notes for Jade's other classes too, so Jade managed to scrape through the school year and pass. 

‘Amazing what you can do when you give your dolly dream boy a little chance to breathe’ Beck said, so Jade elbowed him in the chest. 

Beck put his hands up in surrender. ‘We can pull back a little’ he said, and so that’s what Jade did. 

Jade brought herself back into script writing. She reminded herself what if felt like to get lost in the lives of imaginary people and she couldn’t believe that a boyfriend had allowed her to lose sight of the reason she got into Hollywood arts in the first place for so long. 

Jade spent more time with Patrick too, who didn’t seem to mind when she swindled him out of hundreds of Monopoly dollars. Jade even humoured her mother a little. She allowed her to take her on one (‘no, just one’) shopping trip. She decided on the store. And when Cat came over one day with her tattered bike in tow asking if Jade wanted to go for a ride, Jade shrugged and said 

‘Sure’. 

As she grabbed an old blue bike from the garage. 

‘We can ride around that cemetery on Park Street’ Jade said, and the two girls headed off. The girls felt a sense of stillness as they rode. When Jade focused on the pain in her thighs, she didn’t feel like she needed to be as angry at the world, and Cat too was calmed by the sensation of the light summer breeze on her skin. 

It became a frequent thing. Cat would meet Jade by her door, and Jade would walk to the garage and retrieve her own bike. Sometimes Patrick would come too, Cat loved that kid almost as much as Jade did. 

As Jade pedaled, she found herself… thinking. Usually, thinking was something that Jade despised. Activities after all were supposed to stop that. That’s why it had been so important for her to find her own place, but keeping her balance and finding her way along the path was enough of a distraction to make Jade’s thoughts seem more tolerable. 

Jade and Cat found themselves riding along a similar path every day. Jade had never intended to ride towards any specific destination, but she always found herself in around about the same place, and every time, when Jade registered when she was headed, she would turn herself and Cat around just short of her subconscious’s intended destination, and stop by a nearby park instead. 

Neither girl did much talking when they were at the park. They just laid on the grass or hung out on the swings, looking at their surroundings, or each other. Jade wondered if Cat had spent the bike rides thinking as well. She had always seemed contemplative, and when Jade looked at Cat, she smiled like she always had done, but the small was smaller, more subdued. 

Jade could tell that Cat had a hard time saying goodbye and going home when the bike rides were finished. She never said anything and they never talked about it, but Jade could tell. Jade always tried to cheer Cat up by reminding her of when the next time she would see her would be. That helped a little. Jade and Cat fell into a rhythm like this for a while, and it was peaceful. Until one day when a missed call from Beck changed everything. 

Jade and Cat were riding down a familiar passageway coming out of the Church street cemetery. It was part of the route that they had grown accustomed to. As they passed a particularly narrow track, Jade’s phone buzzed, startling her, and causing her to lose her footing. A jolt of surprise sent Jade rolling forward quickly. The track declined and Jade’s speed increase. She picked up her phone momentarily to press the red button, but when she looked back up, Jade saw that she was inching very close to a tall thick tree. 

SCREECH 

Jade slammed her foot on the breaks as quickly as she could, but it was too late, she was centimetres from landing headfirst into the trunk. Jade covered her face and braced herself for the landing, but at the very last second, another force sent her flying sideways and into the bushes instead. 

Ouch. Jade’s shoulders ached from the force of the landing. Her ego was bruised and that wasn’t the only thing. Jade found that she had landed in the driest, most prickly bush she had ever seen. She rubbed needles from her arms and legs. 

‘Little help?’ 

Jade asked Cat as she dusted off the remaining needles from her arse. Jade looked around her to find that Cat was not offering her assistance. 

‘Cat?’ 

Jade called again, but there was still no response. She looked back at the bike she had fallen from and to the tree that had almost taken her to see that a tiny little red-haired body was lying at its base. 

‘CAT’ 

Jade screamed as she ran. As she grew nearer to the tree, Jade could see that Cat wasn’t moving. Jade’s breath left her body as she leaned down and Checked Cat’s pulse. It was beating. Jade exhaled and tried to gain Cat’s attention. 

‘Cat?’ Jade’s voice was far softer now as she crouched down to check on her friend. Cat opened her eyes and smiled back for a minute, but quickly, her eyes became wide and panicked. 

‘Hey it’s okay’ Jade assured. ‘You’re okay, if maybe a little concussed’ 

Cat seemed to glance through Jade to her right. Jade turned in that direction to see that Cat’s jumper had been snarled in some branches and completely destroyed. 

‘Hey it’s okay’ Jade said. ‘We can get you a new one, and in the meantime, if you’re cold you can…’ 

Just then, Jade understood why her friend had been so afraid. No longer covered by a sleeve, Jade could now see that Cat’s arm was covered in several neatly drawn red lines. 

‘Cat’ Jade said carefully as she stared. 

Cat attempted to withdraw her arm, and to hide it with her other one, but Jade pulled it back and held if forcefully. 

‘Talk.’ 

‘It’s… This nasty tree really hurt’ 

‘I didn’t say to bullshit me’ Jade said, her voice even. ‘I said, talk.’ 

Tears welled up in Cat’s eyes, she stared at Jade, pleading. 

‘Jade’ she said. 

Jade dropped her arm. She walked away from Cat, picked up her bike and continued riding along her usual route. 

Jade continued along the familiar path. She passed by the same corner store, and the same fire hydrant she always had done. She made the same short cuts and heard the same dogs barking. But unlike all of those other times, when Jade came close to her intended destination, she kept going and it wasn’t long before she reached the place that she had once called home. 

Jade sat on the grass and looked at the grey building in front of her. It was just as disgusting today as it had been when she lived in it and in a sudden moment of clarity, Jade suddenly understood that she had to make this disgusting building disappear. 

‘You’re not going to tell anyone, or anything are you?’ Cat asked as she stood awkwardly by Jade's side. She must have followed her. 

‘Hand me that rock over there’ 

Jade instructed, pointing to a stone by Richards water feature. Cat said nothing but placed a rounded stone in Jade’s hand. Jade picked it up and pelted it at the front window. Glass smashed everywhere and the house alarm started to sound. 

‘Jade!’ Cat scolded in astonishment. ‘Someone will come, someone will find…’ 

‘Let him arrest me’ Jade said as gathered another rock and threw that one too. Nice shot. 

‘I really don’t think we should…’ 

Jade picked a rock up and placed it in Cat’s hand. 

‘Join me or leave’ Jade said as she attacked a window on the second floor. 

With a surprising amount of skill, Cat took aim at an already broken window and send a marbled statue inside tumbling to the ground. Jade grinned at her friend. 

‘Nice throw!’ 

The girls continued to break shit. All the windows in Richard’s house crumpled. His mailbox was turned over and his water feature clogged with pads and tampons. When the neighbours inevitably called the cops, Jade and Cat rode out gleefully leaving behind a house in ruins. The sound of sirens sang in the background as Jade took Cat down a back ally and narrowly escaped arrest. For what felt like forever the girls rolled around on the grass laughing, and for a minute, they almost forgot what had happened earlier in the day to put them in this position in the first place. But then Jade looked at Cat’s arm again and she remembered, and Cat saw Jade looking and she remembered too. 

‘I think we lost them’ Cat said shyly. Her eyes met Jade’s with caution, and she could tell that the girl was still pissed. 

‘It’s because your aunt and uncle isn’t it?’ Jade asked. 

Cat shrugged. ‘Sort of’ she said. 

‘I hate them’ Jade said. She stood up and kicked a nearby tree. ‘I hate him, I hate the fucking legal justice system…’ 

‘I hate them too’ Cat said, surprising herself with her own words. She put her hands to her mouth in horror, but Jade grinned with pride. 

‘So you should’ she said, but she could see that Cat was unconvinced. ‘You said sort of… What else is it?’

‘Its… It’s everything Jade! I hate it there, and they hate me. And I thought okay, they don’t like the music, they don’t like the hair, they don’t like my friends or the way I talk too much, but maybe if I get a boyfriend, they’ll be happy they’d like that! And Jade they did for a while, but Jade when I got one… Jade it’s not like it is in the magazines. Boy’s don’t always act like the Dolly dream boys, and Jade I don’t understand how to act!’

Cat was starting to cry she took her magazine out of her bag and clutched it to her chest. 

‘This magazine won’t teach me. Please Jade, can you show me how to… How’ Cat couldn’t say any more because she was crying too hard to let any of the words out. Jade did the only thing she knew how to do and she held her friend until her sobs subsided a little. 

‘Act like Cat’ Jade said. ‘I like her.’ And Jade wiped away Cat's remaining tears, and walked her slowly back to her house. 

The next day, Cat seemed even more apprehensive about leaving. 

‘Call me if you need to’ Jade said. It was a demand not a request, and Jade was hell bent on making sure that Cat complied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it was a week rather than within a week, Sorry about that. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this, take care <3


	15. Chapter 15

Jade wasn't going to apologise, she decided. Jade had been perfectly reasonable and measured in her response, and she didn’t need to explain herself. Cat knew she had a temper, she should have been more careful, not Jade. At the same time, the rest of the group were starting to get worried, and Jade noticed, this was probably the longest Cat had gone without speaking to Jade for a while. Perhaps she should just check in a little. Jade retrieved her Pearphone and typed in four emojis: A vampire, a mum, a baby and a pair of scissors followed by a question mark and hit send. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Cat was far more anxious about her and Jade’s illicit activity than Jade had expected. It was only after a trembling Cat arrived at Jade’s house and went on ten minute rant about a recent newscast featuring Richard that it occurred to Jade that Cat had never really gotten into trouble before. 

‘Cat’ Jade said, ‘chill nobody knows, and we’ll be fine.’ Jade stilled Cat’s hands with her own and noticed that she was no longer wearing long sleeves. ‘Hey what happened to the scars?’

‘I’m pretty good at makeup’ Cat explained. ‘And you’re sure nobody knows anything? Not even your mom?’ 

‘No… well’ Jade thought about that. ‘My mom knows everything, but she’s not going to tell, and you’re not going to get arrested just Calm down.’ Cat breathed in and out to the count of four like Jade had taught her. ‘Good?’ 

‘Yeah’ Cat said. ‘I should probably go, aunt Pearl thinks I’m just going for a ride around the park, she’s probably going to wonder what’s going on if I’m out much longer.’  
Cat started to walk out the door, but Jade stopped her. 

‘Cat wait’ she said. ‘It’s not going to be like last year is it?’ 

‘What isn’t?’ Cat asked.

‘You know what’ Jade said. Jade retrieved a folded piece of paper from her desk. On it was a table with three columns. Up the top was a smiley face next to a picture of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in the middle was a neutral face with an Image from the TV show I Married my Mom, and down the bottom was a sad face and a pair of scissors. 

‘Point’ Jade instructed, and when Cat pointed to Buffy, Jade let her go. 

Tenth grade was just about to commence, and Jade was glad for the fresh start. Jade admitted that her priorities had gotten a little muddled for a while there, but with the new school year, Jade was certain that things would be different. She would be sure to get her priorities straight and put all of her effort into her new class. Classes like Improv with… oh. 

‘Sikowitz again huh’ Beck said as he compared his class schedule with Jade’s. ‘I kind of like that crazy guy’

‘He’s alright’ Jade agreed. Perhaps not everything would be different that year. 

‘And hey’ Beck continued, ‘it looks like Improv is one of three whole classes you’ll be spending with your favourite dolly dream boy. Arrange for that yourself?’ 

Jade closed her locker and looked at Beck intently. 

‘Have a look at these scissors and decide whether or not you want to continue this conversation’ Jade said. 

Beck chuckled. ‘You’re not going to use those’ he said. 

‘And what makes you think that?’ Jade asked. 

‘Because it would make Cat sad’ Beck said. ‘Wouldn’t it Cat?’ 

Jade looked up to see that Cat skipping merrily through the halls towards her. When Cat saw her friends, her speed increased. Cat barged right through the crowd of students to greet them, showing little regard for their personal space, and almost falling twice. 

‘Jade! Beck!’ Cat shouted grinning. 

To her credit, Cat managed to make it most of the way there until the last second when she tripped over nothing and sent all her brand-new textbooks tumbling. Beck and Jade gave each other a knowing look and then both helped Cat to retrieve her belongings.

‘I think you need glasses’ Beck said as he handed Cat her history textbook. Jade and Beck continued handing Cat books until they were stacked above her head. ‘Or to just like grow 10 inches. What’s got you so excited?’ 

‘What hasn’t?’ Cat asked. ‘I’m back at school with two of my best friends, I have music and theatre class today which means two whole hours of singing and…’ Cat decided to do a drumroll on her legs so that her books fell to the floor again. 

‘We just got assigned our new partners for the showcase!’ 

Now this was good news. Every year at Hollywood arts, the school put on a showcase to display the talents of the students. The performance was often attended by big players in the business – directors, producers, and the like. It was the best chance to get noticed at this school. Unfortunately, ninth graders had not been allowed to attend, so Jade had been required to sit out the year before, but this year was her chance. 

‘And guess who’s going to be in the audience?’ Cat asked. 

‘Who?’ Jade asked. 

‘Stan Ryder!’ 

‘No shit, Really?’ 

Stan Ryder was one of the biggest producers of teenage television around. Any teen drama worth its salt was written and produced by him. It was probably the best steppingstone any teenager had to fame. 

To avoid another accident, Jade, Beck and Cat divvied up Cat’s textbooks as they made their way to the bulletin board to find out who their assigned partners were for the performance. Cat was the first one to see her name listed. 

Caterina Valentine and Robbie Shapiro 

‘Oh yay! Robbie!’ Cat yelled as she skipped away from the crowd and waited for her friends. Jade didn’t think it was exactly an even match, but Cat was happy so she let it go. 

Jade West and Beck Oliver

Beck grinned. ‘Looks like I was right all along, any excuse to see me hey?’ Beck put his arms around Jade and they walked over to join Cat. Jade rolled her eyes, but she didn’t remove his arm. 

Before the three of them could head off to their respective classes, an anguished scream stopped them in their tracks. When they turned around, they saw that Andre was almost pulling his hair out. 

‘No!’ He said. ‘You can’t tell me I’m with...’

‘Andrew?’ An annoying brunette girl had made her way to the board too, clearly just as irritated with the result. 

‘Well this is just perfect!’ she said. ‘I finally get a chance to perform for one of Hollywood’s best, and then my awesome shining spotlight is taken over by an annoying little... Come here!’

The girl walked back to Andre and grabbed him by the shoulder. She then proceeded to haul him all the way down the hallway and presumably to a room do discuss their predicament. Better him than her Jade supposed. 

Now this was what Jade needed to get her priorities in check. Jade would write this play. She would make it so fantastic that Stan couldn’t possibly turn it away, and then she would become rich an famous and escape this town forever. As soon as Jade arrived home, she put pen to paper. Jade loved to write; writing was way better than speaking. When Jade wrote a story, she had complete control of everything, and everyone involved and that made her feel powerful. Plus, if she had something on her mind, writing was the only way to get it out without looking like a total tool. By the time Jade was done, she was confident that she had created something that would knock Ryder’s socks off. 

Jade called Beck round soon after she had finished her work. Jade was confident that Beck would love it. After all, her work was perfect. Jade didn't need Beck's approval, she just needed him to read the script, tell her it was perfect and get to work. But Beck took his sweet-arse time reading. Jade was happy he was looking it over carefully, but it had been a good 20 minutes. It wasn’t that long of a play, and Beck wasn’t that bad a reader, what was taking so long? When Beck finally looked up from the pages, his face looked strained. 

‘What?’ Jade asked. 

‘Wow’ Beck said. He seemed to be struggling to find is words. ‘Uhh… wow’ 

‘Wow? Wow what?’ Jade asked growing irritated. ‘Why aren’t you praising my fantastic play?’ 

‘It’s just… Look you’re right, you’re a fantastic writer, and in the hands of anyone who didn’t write tween dramas, this would be a hit. Seriously.’ 

‘Then what’s the problem?’ Jade asked. 

‘Jade’ Beck said gently. ‘You’re writing for Stan Ryder remember? The guy who writes sitcoms for preteens? Surprisingly funny and complex sitcoms I’ll admit but still. Don’t you think you should make your stuff a little more… Accessible?’ 

‘I’m not soiling my good name by making some sort of teeny bopper kids show. I mean, it’s going to make me look like I’m –‘ 

‘Jade’ Beck put his hands on Jade’s shoulders. ‘I’m not asking you to sell your soul here. Just play their game a little.’ 

‘I put a lot of work into –‘ 

‘I know.’ Beck said. ‘And hey, you can still write the play you want to just… Don’t perform this at the showcase. Tone it down. When you’re a famous director you can make any movie you want.’ 

Beck kissed Jade on her head before he jumped onto her bed with a DVD. 

‘Now come watch this movie with me. I’m auditioning for a part in the remake.’ 

Jade supposed Beck had a point. It sickened her to sully her creative vision, but Jade was no fool, she understood that Hollywood required a little marketing, and she supposed she could do that just this once. So, when Beck left that night, Jade tried her best to ignore the strange aching feeling in her chest, and she got to work on play number two. 

Jade couldn’t say she was a fan of Stan’s work, but Cat had watched the shows religiously, and Jade had seen enough in her time with Cat to pick out some patterns. Firstly, Stan liked physical comedy. Stan’s characters always found themselves stuck in strange places, in strange outfits or dangling from the ceiling somehow. Second, Hands. For some reason, Stan found hands hilarious. Jade had seen more hand skits than he could count, and she tried not to think about why that would be, but Jade supposed it wouldn’t hurt to include them in her work too. The final thing that Jade had noticed was that almost all of Stan’s characters were certifiably insane. 

The last of Stan’s criteria would be fun to work with, the other two she supposed she could tolerate. It was actually kind of fun to stretch herself and write something outside of her comfort zone just this once. Stan Ryder was after all a big deal. 

And not just to Jade apparently. The entire school was filled with excited energy in the weeks leading up to the showcase. Random performances had always been a part of the Hollywood Arts experience, but they became so frequent and so involved that Jade could barely make it through the day without packing some Advil. Jade would try to get away from the noise, to use the time to prepare for her and Beck’s own performance, but she never had any luck with that either because every nook and cranny of the campus was filled with other students who had exactly the same idea. Jade couldn’t even walk to class without trampling over an entire brass section. Worse still was the fact that none of the other students seemed to share in Jade’s irritation. It became clear from Cat’s answers on her emotion chart that she was having a swimming time with quirky Robbie, and Beck was… Well, Jade wasn’t entirely certain Beck had emotions, at least not the angry passionate ones. 

‘Come on Jade’ Beck insisted, ‘just chill out, and we can work on our stuff in my trailer tonight.’ 

‘You sure you don’t hate this one too?’ Jade asked. Beck kissed Jade on the head. 

‘This one is fine. Just calm down and I’ll see you tonight.’ 

The staff at least seemed to understand where Jade was coming from. The teachers could barely get in to teach their classes due to the flurry of excitement. For weeks, teachers fought battles about classroom regulations and permitted rehearsal zones and times, but all of the complaining fell on deaf ears until the final nail in the coffin hit. Principle Eikner, who up until that point had ignored the problem, put his leg through a snare drum that someone had shoved in the reception area in front of his office and almost broke his leg.

‘That’s it!’ he announced as he was wheeled off to the emergency room. ‘Until the end of the showcase, the entire school will be put on suspension at home. Do your work, practice for the showcase, I don’t care, just give me my office back!’ 

So Jade kept working on her play at home. Her cutesy, sweet and kind of funny lame play. The one Beck hadn't rejected because Beck had said it was fine. Why wasn't Jade's stomach ache going away? 

When it was time for the showcase, Jade arrived at the school prepared with something that was very much not to her taste, but that was at least polished, so with nothing left to do but wait, Jade watched the other performances from behind the curtains backstage. Cat and Robbie were the first act to go on. They performed a charming and adorable variety show featuring singing, dancing, and acts of magic. Other students sang gut-wrenching ballads or perfectly choreographed dances. One girl made Principle Eikner faint from dizziness from the amount of spinning she did mid-air, and Jade saw a guy play an impossibly complex flute duet by himself, with his nostrils. 

The aching in Jade’s stomach intensified as she watched the other acts and her chest pounded so heavily that the vibrations radiated through her eardrums. Jade’s body was broken. Why was she shivering and sweating like a pig at the same time? Jade didn’t even sweat! And Jade wished the school would turn down the brightness of these damn headlights so that Jade could hear herself think again. Jade was just about to run out of the room to inform someone that something very wrong was going on, but she was pushed on stage by a very insistent stage manager, and before long she was staring at a crowd of expectant faces. 

Jade performed the first part of the production on autopilot. She averted her gaze from the even brighter stage lights, and managed to pull through for a while. In fact, she more than pulled through; things were going surprisingly well. The audience were laughing when the were supposed to, and gasping when something shocking happened. They were eating this up, but even though all of this the feeling in Jade's chest remained. 

Jade focused on the audience. She tried to centre herself and deliver her lines, but every time she looked at the crowd her eyes narrowed in on a stone-faced cold-looking man. Yes, most of the crowd had been relishing in the performance, but this particular man seemed entirely disinterested. He didn't laugh or gasp. and did he... Did he just yawn? Jade tried to shake herself out of this state. This guy didn’t matter. But after Jade’s joke fell on his deaf ears for the second time, Jade couldn’t help thinking… But what if it did. 

The guy at the back could be anyone. It could be Sinjin, or someone’s uncle. Or, it could be Stan Rider. Jade tried to get through the rest of the play. She continued saying her lines and completing her blocking, but the pain in her stomach was becoming unbearable, and pretty soon Jade halted, unable to continue. 

‘Are you okay’ 

Beck mouthed, before Jade opened her mouth and puked all over his shoes. 

Jade fought off everyone’s condolences that evening. The only thing worse than her fuck up was there pity, so as soon as Jade arrived home, she barricaded herself in her room and got into bed. 

Jade ignored the knocking on her door when it was time for dinner. She ignored the knocking again when Patrick tried an hour later, and when Beck called Jade on the phone, she stuffed the device in her sock drawer. When Jade heard knocking for the third time that night, she slung her door open, ready to attack. 

‘The next person to offer their condolences will be personally mentioned in my suic – Oh, it’s you.’ 

Cat smiled sweetly at Jade from the doorway before she walked into Jade’s room without invitation. Cat made herself comfortable on Jade’s bed and gestured for Jade to join her. Jade closed the door and did as she was instructed. 

‘You know’ Cat said, ‘I liked the play. You know, right up until the end part’, and given what she knew about the girl, Jade found herself believing her. 

‘You would’ Jade said. ‘It was crap.’ 

‘It wasn’t but… how come you wrote it? Usually your plays are a little more um…’ 

‘Derranged?’ Jade suggested. 

‘Deep and stuff’ Cat said. ‘How come you threw up on stage? You got a stomach bug?’ 

‘I don’t know’ Jade said. ‘I’ve been kind of… off lately.’ 

‘Oh’ Cat said, is that why you made that funny play?’ Cat asked. 

‘No’ Jade said, ‘Beck thought I should make something more appealing to the masses.’ 

‘Oh’ Cat said. ‘My family wish I was more religious too. But hey, the church aren’t here right now, can I hear what you wanted to write?’ 

‘You really want to?’ Jade asked, and Cat smiled sweetly. ‘Okay’ Jade said, ‘but I only drafted it once so like, don’t be a bitch about it.’ 

And so Jade retrieved her original play and Cat laid her head on Jade’s should as Jade read. 

The stage is entirely blackened. After a few minutes of silence, a single spotlight illuminates a fuzzy blue round ball of energy with eyes. The ball is seated on the ground. It blinks its eyes a couple of times, stretches and stands to take in its surroundings. The spotlight widens so that the audience sees what looks like the inside of a piano. Hammers and strings sit stage right, and the ball of energy walks up to examine them. Tentatively, the ball hits a hammer. The ball is rewarded with a pleasant sound, so it does it again, and again. Pretty soon the ball finds its own rhythm and makes a groovy little melody. The ball looks happy and free as it works at the piano, but a woosh of wind is blown on the stage, knocking the ball over, so it stops. 

When the ball stands again, it sees a blue light hanging about the F key. It touches the light, but nothing happens. The energy ball looks at the hammer below the light. The ball hits it and the blue light disappears. A blue light appears above the B next, so the ball hits that too. Then it’s a D, and back to F. The ball keeps on doing what the light instructs it to do. 

A video plays in the background of children at a park. It then cuts to a family have a picnic lunch, to some teenagers hanging around a skate park, and then to a young couple kissing in the sunset. The video plays in a loop signifying the passage of days. 

The video quickens and as does the pace of the playing. The ball does okay at first, but the lights seem unrelenting, and before long, the ball of energy is struggling to keep up.  
The scenes in the video get darker. The children are at the park, but they’re playing catch with the head of a rat. The family are eating a pile of trash at the picnic, and the audience can see worms coming out of the young boy’s sandwich as he bites them in half. The young couple are still there, but instead of kissing her boyfriend, the young woman takes a bite of his neck. 

The ball of energy continues to follow the whims of the blue light. It’s exhausted it’s overwhelmed, and it cannot take any more. The blue light hits the final hammer and collapses on the floor. The video and the music stop.

The energy ball’s breathing slows and it regains its composure. The ball sits up and just as that happens, a light shines just above the f key again. The ball hovers its hand above the key. The hand starts to shake as it moves its way down, but at the very last moment, the ball chooses instead to hit C. 

The ball of energy plays a flurry of Jazz. It makes a point of missing every light that is lit up. A cloaked creature shows up and tries to guide the ball back to where it belongs, but it refuses. The ball has found it’s feet and it feels free again. It is full of energy and…

WHACK 

The cloaked creature knocks the ball of energy to the ground and ceases the music. The figure picks the ball up by the arm again and guides it to the hammer below the blue light. It hits the note for the ball. 

This continues for a while, with the cloaked figure pushing the ball around like a rag doll. The ball begins to lose hope, and it turns grey. It struggles and struggles, but it is no use, the cloaked man is too strong. When it seems like all hope is lost, a scream sounds from the distance

NO!!

The cloaked man turns around as it hears banging and clattering to its left. Taking advantage of the cloaked figure’s distraction, the ball of energy escapes. It’s is running now, and the cloaked man is in pursuit. The pair are running through the inside of the piano. The Cloaked man is fast, the but the ball is scrappy. It ducks behind the strings and around the pieces of wood. The Cloaked man almost catches it, but at the very last moment, the ball makes a dive for a tiny crevice that the cloaked man can’t reach. 

The cloaked man sighs, and walks away defeated. 

The blue ball bumps into something hard. A stage light shines on another ball of energy, almost identical to the first one, but this time, it’s coloured pink. The pink ball stares at the blue one. 

The pink ball points at the blue one. It makes a face which resembles the cloaked figure. The blue ball nods. The blue ball also makes itself the shape of the figure and points to the pink one, and it nods too. The pink ball reaches its hand out, palm out. The blue ball does the same, and they stare and their now touching hands. 

‘We Can’t stay here forever’ pink says. ‘It’s not safe.’ 

The pink ball grabs the blue ball’s hand and starts off running. Whimsical music plays as they make their way through the piano’s interior. They run and laugh and make their way right to the grand piano’s tip. The pink ball puts its hands on the outside of the blue ball and stares at it intently. It looks at the strings below them and then back to blue. Blue nods. 

The pink ball takes a deep breath in and jumps. The ball lands in between the piano strings, and is split into pieces. Pink lights illuminate the smoke on the floor so that the stage seems to be covered in pink guts. Taking a breath of its own, blue jumps too, and before long, pink and blue surround the stage, and the blue’s favourite jazz piece plays softly in the background as the curtains close. 

Cat looked up at Jade when Jade had finished reading. She wiped fresh tears away with her sleeve and cleared her throat. 

‘Shit, Cat was that too scary?’ Jade asked. ‘I’m sorry, I got carried away, it didn’t think it would…’ 

Cat wrapped Jade in a tight hug. 

‘I loved it’ said. ‘I wish I could have seen that one on the stage instead. Everyone would have loved it.’ 

‘You reckon?’ Jade asked. 

‘Yeah’ Cat replied earnestly. ‘But oh! If you’re still sad, I have something that I think will cheer you up. You left too early to see the act that was on after you, it was Andre and that Vega girl. I knew it would be awesome, so I recorded it for you.’ 

‘Andre and that Trina girl?’ Jade asked. ‘Now this I have to see.’ 

‘No, that’s the thing! Trina got a tongue injury.’ The video on Cat’s PearPhone showed Andre accompanied by a younger and far more talented looking Vega. ‘This one’s name is Tori.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus, back to your regularly scheduled viewing. Please let me know what you think :)


	16. Chapter 16

A pair of scissors. Jade's phone lit up with an emoji, it was a pair of scissors. Oh shit. Jade texted Cat.

Jade 8:15 Are you okay? I'm sorry, just tell me where you are!' 

No response. She called, but went straight to voicemail. Jade's heart began pounding, Cat hadn't done this in years. She had been fine, what the hell was going on with her? And then Jade saw the text she had ignored from Robbie earlier. 

Robbie 4:30: Jade, I think you have to come to school, meet me in the theatre, it's important. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Jade didn’t like a lot of people. Most of them were lame, or boring, or emotionless jerks who used everybody for their own gain and who never had to face any consequences for their actions because the legal justice system was…  
Jade didn’t like a lot of people, but Jade’s feelings for Tori Vega went far beyond dislike. What Jade felt for Tori couldn’t be described as anything less than pure loathing. 

Jade's first introduction to Tori was in Cat's recording of the showcase. The performance was inoffensive enough, Tori had a pretty good command of the stage, and yeah, the song was catchy, it was fine. What really ticked Jade off though, was the way Cat responded to the song like Tori was god’s gift to the freaking earth. 

‘Oh she just sounded so good Jade, I’m sorry you had to miss it!’ Cat said after her and Jade’s third viewing. 

‘I’ll survive’ Jade said, but Cat still looked disappointed, so she added ‘maybe you and me can watch this chick at an open mic together one day. It’s a small world’ 

‘Or at school!’ Cat exclaimed, and then very quickly, Jade figured out annoying thing number two about Ms Vega. As it turned out, instead of going through an arduous three-stage audition process like every other student at Hollywood Arts, all pretty young Tori Vega had to do was flash her pretty eyelashes and cheekbones at the faculty to be granted a spot. 

Tori far from earned Jade’s favour when she saw her at school. Jade’s first observation of Tori was when the girl almost made Cat cry, or so she assumed. Jade didn’t see or hear much more than Cat screaming 

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ 

From her position in the hallway, but that alone was enough to convince Jade to connect her fist with the girl's jaw. When Jade followed Tori to improv class with the intent of doing just that, she saw Tori's biggest crime yet. Slimy little Tori Vega was rubbing her whorish little hands all over Beck. 

‘Dude! Why you rubbing my boyfriend?’ 

Jade asked as Tori assaulted Beck with her elbow to his chest. Tori's lame excuse did nothing to pacify Jade. Jade readied herself for attack, but just before she lunged forward, Mr Sikowitz walked through the door. Now apparently was not the time. That was okay, Jade could be patient. 

Thankfully for Jade, amateur theatre was a fantastic place to carry out a more discreet emotional attack. Sikowitz had chosen Jade to lead the first improv act of the day, which gave Jade the perfect opportunity to humiliate Tori and to pass it off as playful theatrics. Jade chose her playmates. 

'Cat, Eli, Beck' Jade zeroed in on her new victim. 'And Tori.' Jade almost heard Tori gulp with fear. 

Tori, who hadn't even known what improv was before class started was thrown off almost too easily by Jade's decision to make her a dog for the play. All it took was Jade pouring cold coffee on Tori head as part of the 'scene' to have the girl running out the door. Perfect, that's what she got for trying to steal Jade's boyfriend. 

Well, mostly perfect. Cat wouldn't speak to Jade for the rest of the day for being 'mean', and Beck, who knew that him not speaking would be a reward for Jade had decided not to stop speaking. It was torture, but it was only for the rest of the day, and Jade felt confident in her victory the next morning knowing that she would never again have to see Tori's stupid little... 

‘You’re still here’ 

Tori was now dry-haired and sitting in the front row. She had more gusto than Jade had expected sure, but this was still fine. Tori would be destroyed, Jade just had to find the right button to press. 

It was Tori who made the acting challenge on the second day, quite balls-y for a woman who had clearly never acted in her life. The ‘scene’ was basically just an excuse for Jade and Tori to argue, which was fine by Jade because she plenty of experience with that. 

Jade and Tori shot words back and forth in a skilful flurry. For every phrase of Tori’s, Jade had had a far more cutting response, and Jade was certain that she would win this. After all, Tori didn’t seem to jive well with the mean girl aesthetic. But to her credit, some of the things Tori said could be impressively cutting, and after a while, Jade started to notice things that threw her off her game. A glance here from Beck, a smile there from Cat. Since when did Jade’s boyfriend give his half-smile to anyone else? And why was Cat so disappointed to be thrown out of the game? 

Jade tried to focus on what she was doing, but her contempt for Tori was making the monster inside of her grow, and causing her to act stupid. And when Tori suggested that Jade eat her pants, it took over completely, causing her to yell 

‘you eat your pants!’ 

And she lost. But Beck was still in the scene and he got up. And before long, Tori was next to Beck. And then Tori was ON beck, and before Jade had time to ponder whether Beck had ever kissed her as passionately, she was storming out of the room with her mind solely focused on revenge. 

‘Jade wait!’ Cat yelled from behind as Jade stormed out of the classroom. The two of them entered an empty hallway and Jade turned around. 

‘You can’t be friends with her’ Jade said.

‘I…’

‘Promise me you won’t be friends with her. She’s a bitch.’

‘Jade, she shouldn’t have… I’ll tell her.’

‘No you don’t need to tell her anything because… Oh just forget it’ 

Jade continued storming off and went home to ruminate. Beck barely gave an apology. 

'It was just a stage kiss Jade' 'It meant nothing Jade' 

Jade had to get to planning. Tori Vega had already weasled her way into the school, she was trying to take the place of Jade’s best friend and boyfriend too. Jade was not about to let that happen. Someone needed to teach that girl a lesson, and Jade had no issue with taking on that role herself. Tori Vega didn’t belong at Hollywood arts, Jade was sure of that. All she had to do was make sure that was something Tori understood as well. 

It started with the bird scene. Little miss Tori “I’m so desperate for approval that winning one stupid acting scene almost made me pee my pants” Vega would surely be broken by an exercise designed purely to feed off an actor’s fear of ridicule. 

Tori did terribly in every rendition of her bird scene. When every pathetic plea for praise was shut down by Sikowitz, Tori became more and more desperate. Tori must have spent hundreds of dollars on props for this thing, and yet her acting still wasn’t getting any better. When set design didn’t achieve anything, Tori stooped to social manipulation and cheating. Cat mentioned that the girl had poisoned her with spicy candy to get her to spill the secret of the scene. I mean really Tori, Jade was a bitch, but she would never stoop to tricking the most innocent girl on campus. Unfortunately for Jade, Tori eventually managed to pull through, having learned the entirely ridiculous lesson that her acting skills were perfectly fine as long as she said so. But that was fine, because a far better way to torture Tori fell right into Jade’s lap only a day later. 

Feeling entirely irritated, Jade had decided to do another sweep of music room 2, to see if she could get in a little song before class, or maybe some alone time with Cat, but when she looked through the classroom door, Jade saw something far better than she could have ever anticipated. Precious little Tori Vega was torturing an innocent violin with her shrill squeaking. Even better, the head of music Mr Stewart was right there in Jade’s line of vision. Jade flagged the man down with a casual 

‘Excuse me Mr Stewart’ 

‘Yes Jade?’ Mr Stewart asked. 

‘Do you know what instrument the new kid plays?’ 

‘The new… Who?’ Mr Stewart asked, clearly disinterested and still half asleep. 

‘Tori’ Jade explained. ‘It’s just, you know how everyone at this school has to play an instrument and how they need to show their competence in said instrument to remain here? Well I figured that with you being the head music teacher, and the one in charge of checking that these students are competent that you would know what instrument Tori played.’

That seemed to wake the man up. 

‘Well… I um…’ Mr Stewart stammered. 

‘It’s okay if you don’t know, I can just ask Mr Eikner’. 

‘Uh… No’ Mr Stewart said, clearly panicked. ‘There’s no need for that. Say, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find this young woman would you?’ 

And plan B was in action, though it was less of a plan than a push for other people to notice Tori’s obvious incompetence. Tori blundered through her music classes, giving horrendous performances of the French horn, and then even worse recitals of the piccolo, but to her dismay, the ever industrious Tori pulled through yet again, and learned piano, and Jade had to think of something more. 

Thankfully, a new opportunity fell right into Jade’s lap only a week later. Jade walked into acting class to the delightful sight of Tori assaulting the poor innocent stunt instructor Russ. Rather than being expelled for attacking a teacher, Miss Vega claimed ignorance, and given her track record, it was a believable claim. Worse yet, she played the white knight.

‘Well, it looked like he was hurting you’ Tori said to Beck, who the stuntman had been play-attacking earlier. 

‘Why do you care?’ Jade asked.

‘Because I figure he already suffers enough pain dating you!’ Tori said, and if it wasn’t for Beck holding her back Jade would have shown Tori exactly what the word pain meant, but ultimately, she was glad to be inhibited. The class were assigned a fake fight scene for homework, and as it turned, out Tori was Jade’s lucky partner. School-wide humiliation would be a far better punishment than a punch in the nose.

Tori was having lunch with Cat, Robbie and Andre. That had been the trend lately, not that Jade cared. She’d sooner be alone than volunteer to spend her free time with the attention-seeking brat anyway. From her position on the opposite side of the dining area, Jade heard the entire group burst into laughter over something Tori said. Suck up. It probably hadn't even been that funny, Cat would laugh at anything, and Jade thought Andre was sweet on Tori. Jade wasn't jealous. It was clear that all of this attention was sprung from pity, but why couldn't Tori get her own group of friends to suck up to? 

‘She trembles in all of our scenes’ Beck said. 

‘Who?’ Jade asked. 

‘Cat’ Beck explained. ‘You know, the one you’ve been ignoring me all lunch to stare at. We’ve been practicing our scene together and I can’t get her to stop flinching. I think she thinks it’s real.’ 

‘Vega probably confused her with her ignorance’ Jade said. ‘Oh, what’s a fight scene’ she mocked. 

‘Why do you hate her so much?’ Beck asked. And Jade found herself unsure of how to answer the question. She had her reasons, but none that Beck would understand. Why was she having to convince Beck anyway? He was supposed to be on Jade's side. 

‘Why don’t you?' Jade asked defensively. 'You know you can join the others at the table if you want to!’ 

‘I…’ He's wasn't saying he didn't want to. Why wasn't he saying he didn't want to?

‘Do you want to break up with me?’ 

‘What?’ Beck asked. 

‘If you want to break up with me for Tori you can go right ahead!’ Jade screamed and at that moment the entire dining area went silent. Jade looked up and realised that everyone was looking at her. Jade glowered at a group of students who almost dared to chuckle, and promptly left. 

Jade sat in her favourite music room ruminating. It was lucky that the entire school feared Jade. Otherwise, she might have to feel embarrassed about her outburst, and Jade didn’t do embarrassed, she did revenge. But how would Jade get it? Sure Jade could simply hit Tori for real in the fight scene, it would surely feel fantastic, and she was pretty sure she would be able to claim it as an accident, but it would also make Tori the victim, and judging by the way the school had been responding to Tori’s innocent-girl shtick so far, that would only make everyone like her more. Jade had to think of something more crafty 

CRASH 

More underhanded, 

BANG 

More… Jade couldn’t finish her thoughts because she was interrupted by the sound of someone’s entire bag falling to the floor. Jade looked up and saw the predictable mess of red hair, but it was surrounded by bags and bags of…

‘Is that?’ 

‘Fake blood’ Cat explained, ‘for makeup. Which I seem to have spilled everywhere, so could you…’ Cat gestured to the pile around her as she began to pack it away. Oh Jade would help alright, maybe a couple stray packets would fall into Jade’s satchel. They certainly wouldn’t be missed. Jade was feeling very pleased with herself when she finished packing away Cat’s belongings, which caused Cat to look up at her curiously.

‘So you’re not upset anymore then?’ Cat asked. 

‘Huh? Cat I was never…’

‘About Tori’ Cat explained. 

‘Oh’ Jade said. ‘Nah, I just got caught up in a moment, I’ll apologise to Beck about it later if I feel like it.’ 

Cat nodded, seeming unsure.

‘Maybe see if you can cool him down in one of your rehearsals’ Jade added. Cat smiled, but she still seemed somewhat disturbed. Remembering her conversation with Beck, Jade put her hand on Cat's shoulder and said 

‘Look, you know it’s not real right? The stunts I mean.’ 

‘I know’ Cat said, ‘It’s just’ 

‘Beck couldn’t hurt a fly’ Jade said. ‘And even if he could, he wouldn’t want to. You’ll be okay.’ 

‘You promise?’ Cat asked. ‘No one will get hurt for real right?’ and Jade tried to push away the slight pang of guilt she felt when she realised how earnestly Cat believed her when she said 

‘No.’ 

Jade and Tori spent the rest of the week practicing. It took no more than a couple facts about stunt injuries from Wikipedia to put Tori on edge, and by the time the class was set to perform their stunts, Tori was so on edge that when a classmate of theirs tripped and knocked over a chair, Tori screamed like a banshee and held her prop walking stick in defence. Jade knew that everything would work out perfectly when she heard the murmurs of her classmates questioning Tori’s mental stability.

Jade, who was posing as a mugger readied herself to attack Tori the old lady, but as she lunged forward, Tori ‘hit’ her right on the face with her cane and Jade fell to the ground, rubbed her face with blood and yelled out the safe word 

‘BUTTERNUT!’ 

‘She’s bleeding’ Cat yelled as she came to Jade’s aid. She was quickly followed by the rest of the class who showered Jade in affection and ice-packs. All except Tori, who was stood in the corner of the room looking confused and afraid. Jade had expected Cat to be concerned for Jade, but she hadn’t expected her to be so mad. 

‘Why’d you hit Jade in the face with a cane?’ Cat asked. 

‘I didn’t Tori replied dumbly, after which Cat backtracked and with her hands in surrender said 

‘Okay! I believe you, don’t hit me.’ 

Alright, a little fear as well, but Cat would get over it. Jade put on her best performance of a wounded woman as the rest of the class continued to comfort her, and right when it was looking like things couldn’t get worse for Tori, Jade added 

‘And I thought we were just starting to be friends’.

Jade was showered with affection in the days following the ‘injury’. Beck showered her with kisses and coffee, and Cat made sure to pull out every one of Jade’s chairs before she sat. Cat also offered to carry Jade’s books, but Jade knew Cat well enough to understand how unhelpful that would be. Best of all, all of Jade’s friends were once again sitting with her at lunch, and Tori was stuck with her sister like lonesome puppy. Jade owned the school. 

The only thing that Jade hadn’t counted on was Cat’s apprehension. As it turned out, Cat didn’t like thinking that a person she had to spend most of the day with was capable of random acts of physical violence. 

‘Why do you think she hit you?’ Cat would often ask . 

‘I don’t know Cat’ Jade would reply, ‘the girl is crazy. Probably has violent tendencies or something.’

And Cat would accept this for a while, usually fiddling with her spikey ball, but then she would ask

‘Do you think she’ll do it again?’ 

And so Jade would have to explain that 

‘Cat, she won’t hurt you, no one in their right mind would hurt you.’

‘But you said she wasn’t in her right mind’ 

And the only way the conversation would ever end was when Jade assured Cat 

‘I’ll protect you. I’ll keep you safe.’ And Jade would have to ignore the even bigger pang she felt ever time she said it. The charade played on for a while, Jade thanked Cat’s helpful makeup tips for her ability to show up to school with a convincing black eye, but makeup was pretty easy to get rid of, and when a stupid freshman spilled coffee all over Jade’s face, Andre found her out. 

He was pissed. Beck was more so when he heard the news, although Beck was a man of few words, he could really drag out a lecture, and then there was Cat. Cat’s reaction was worst of all because for the first time since Jade had met her, when Cat heard what Jade had done, she looked Jade straight in the eyes, and walked away without a word.  
From anyone other than Cat, silence would be a relief, but from Cat, it was kind of… creepy. Jade almost relied on Cat’s ramblings to let her know she was still there. Jade had to poke Cat a few times in bio to make sure she was still there. Jade grew so irritated by Cat's muteness that on the third day, she shoved Cat's homemade emotions chart in the girls face and said

‘At least point!’ 

After which point, Cat threw the paper on the ground and crumpled it with her foot. Cat then retreated, but before she left the room completely, she broke her silence. 

‘I’m fine. You promised me that no one would get hurt. What you did was… I don’t know why you did that.’ 

And Jade wasn’t sure she understood either. 

Tori was once again sitting with Jade’s friends at lunch, or at least, most of them. Beck forgave Jade pretty quickly, but the nagging had far from stopped and Jade wasn’t sure she really wanted to be around him anymore.

‘She really didn’t deserve that…’ 

Jade drowned Beck out. It didn’t matter, it was only a matter of time before Tori told the teachers what Jade had done to her and she was expelled. Beck likely wouldn't stick around with a girl from another school and then Jade would be alone again. Tori had done it, in fact she had surpassed Jade’s expectations. Tori had stolen not only Jade’s friends and boyfriend, but her school and passion as well. Jade was done and she might as well cut her losses. 

‘Honestly Jade, I don’t even know why you hate her so much’ 

‘Well it’s very clear that you don’t’ Jade said, ‘So why don't we cancel our date, and you can take Tori to the movies tonight instead.’ 

‘Well I can’t do that’ Beck said, ‘She’s in detention.’ 

‘And so if she wasn’t, you… wait’ Jade said. ‘Why?’ 

Beck looked at her confused. 

‘You know why. The fight scene.’ 

‘But she didn’t… you know she didn’t…’ 

‘Well I suppose our principle doesn’t.’ 

To her surprise and horror, Jade found Beck comments to be true. Jade walked into the Blackbox theatre which was covered wall to wall in muck, some parts creamy, other parts slimy. Jade could swear she saw one of the puss pockets move. Tori had been required to clean out the theatre as punishment for hurting Jade, only she hadn't hurt Jade, and Tori knew that. Why would any human being on earth clean this voluntarily? 

‘So you’re just going to let me get away with it?’ Jade asked Tori, who was scraping yellow muck from the floor. ‘You took detention, and a lower grade, and you’re scraping crusty pudding off the wall on a Friday night just so I won’t get in trouble?’ 

‘Pretty much.’ 

Pretty much? Was this girl not even going to both explaining her insane behaviour? First she weaselled into the school, then she steals Jade’s friends, and now she responds to Jade manipulating her with...

‘You can’t be nice to me when I’ve been mean to you, that’s not how it works!’

‘Well then try being nice to me some time’ Tori said. ‘Maybe that will work.’ 

And although five minutes ago, Jade wouldn't even have considered doing so, Jade picked up a scaping tool, and a towel, and decided to be nice. Or at least, she did for a while. As it turned out, being nice was really rather boring, but Jade figured out a way to bring Tori over to her side just a little. Jade turned on some catchy music with the pure intention of cutting the dullness of the task, but it was hard not to notice that the only security guard in charge of monitoring detention was really getting into the groove. With minimal trickery and a little teamwork, Tori and Jade left the cleaning up to the funky security guard, and were dancing their way to a free Friday night in no time at all. 

Cat was sitting with Tori again at lunch on Monday, this time being joined by Andre, Robbie and Beck. Jade considered sitting alone, but the only other available seat was next to Sinjin, and Jade would not have that. Jade tried her best to look earnest as she approached Cat. 

‘Listen’ she began, ‘I’m sorry about’ 

‘I forgive you’ Cat said. ‘Tori explained how sorry you are and well, being mad is kind of difficult. Oh, Jade I had so many things I wanted to tell you when we weren’t speaking. Seriously, I had no one to share them with, and they were just building up and up in my head, and I thought I might explode. I am so, so sorry that we had to miss our sleepover on Friday but you should come over tonight to my aunt and uncle’s place and I can catch you up on...’

Jade rested her hands on Cat’s shoulders. 

‘Breathe’ Jade reminded her, and Cat promptly exhaled. ‘And I can’t come tonight, your family hates me, remember?’ 

Jade glanced at Tori. 

‘You should go with Vega, she’s... she’s okay.’ 

‘Oh she’s coming too silly’ Cat explained. ‘That’s why I invited you, you see Pearl and Walter love Tori, I know they can be kind of mean sometimes, but they’ll behave with Tori in the room I think. We can be together any time we like, you know, if Tori’s around. Cat placed one of her arms around Tori's shoulder and the other around Jade's. 

'This year is going to be fantastic. Three best friends making music. Come on guys, come over tonight and we can make some music!' 

'Sure Cat'  
'Sure Cat' 

Tori and Jade said in unison as they tried to inch away from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please settle an internal debate I am having with myself about the bird scene. Would Cat  
> a) have failed the bird scene completely because she's such a people pleaser, but that school gave her a pass for emotional instability  
> b) Passed first go because she was too caught up in the scene to bother with feedback or  
> c) something else IDK
> 
> Also please let me know what you think.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for domestic violence and physical abuse. This chapter gets pretty dark, and while I promise you it is the darkest the story becomes, I want to let you know what you are in for before you read on.

‘Going to school!’ Jade called, not waiting for a reply as she walked out the door. Jade started her car and tried not to think about what the hell might be going on with Cat right now. She couldn’t be sure she would be able to get herself to school safely if she did. Instead, Jade tried to slow the pace of her thoughts by narrating everything she was doing in her head. Okay, Jade thought to herself. Just park the car and sneak in. Follow the sound of girlish squealing and, yes, there he is. 

Robbie was pacing around the theatre looking frantic. He was surely damaging his vocal chords with the vigour in which he was arguing with his puppet. 

‘You’re here!’ Rex soon forgotten; Robbie tried to drag Jade away. 

‘I’m glad you’re here Jade’ Robbie said as he grabbed onto Jade’s elbow. ‘Cat’s been acting strange, like really strange and... Gee, you’re kinda heavy huh.’ 

When Robbie looked back at Jade who had not moved, and saw the look on her face, he thought it best to let go. 

‘Sorry’ Robbie said, ‘just follow me.’ 

Jade nodded, indicating that Robbie had made the right choice. Robbie lead Jade towards a familiar ladder at the end of the stage. Jade soon found herself in front of a small storage closet, which was once again filled with an orange duvet, rainbow pillow, and purple stuffed giraffe. 

‘Robbie? Explain.’ 

‘When Cat came out, and you acted like... well, yourself’ 

Jade glared at Robbie, daring him to continue. 

‘Um, Cat got really upset and ran off. No one could really find her, but after a while, I heard music from Hairspray coming from the theatre, and so I followed it and found this room. Cat had left by the time I got here.’ 

‘But this, this doesn’t make sense’ Jade insisted. ‘Cat was back home, it was good. She told me that…’ 

‘Based on today’s confession’ Robbie said, ‘I don’t think we can trust everything Cat told you.’ 

Jade took one of Cat’s pillows to her nose to smell it. It reeked; Cat must have been here for ages. 

‘There’s more’ Robbie said and he handed Jade an envelope. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

All Cat could see from her position under the bed were feet. Some of them were fat, others skinny. Most of the nurses wore white sneakers, which made an annoying scuffing noise against the linoleum. 

‘Feeling bored? You can go home any time.' 

Frankie smiled amusedly. It was a familiar look, one Cat remembered from the days before the hospitals and the handcuffs. 

‘Nah’ Cat said, trying to hold back a yawn. ‘I like it under here.’ 

This made Frankie chuckle. ‘You always have done. Remember when you were a kid? I used to find you reading under there all the time. Of course, the carpet at home was a little comfier.’ 

Cat shuffled her legs, shaking out the one which had fallen asleep. 

‘It’s not too bad’ 

‘It will be better over here, come on’ Frankie stretched out his arm and gestured for Cat to sit next to him. He wrapped his arm around Cat’s shoulder and allowed her to slide in close. 

'This is nice' Cat said. 'When you're back home, we can do this again every day!' 

Frankie stiffened at this comment. 

'Cat' Frankie said gently. 'I'm not coming home with you.' 

'Well not now!' Cat said, but you know, when your better!' 

Frankie smiled gently at his sister. His most loyal follower and friend, despite what he'd put her through. He kissed his baby sister on the head. 

‘I’m going to tell you a story’ Frankie said, ‘remember when you were in 6th grade?’ 

Cat hesitated. 

‘I do, but... are you sure you want to tell this story?’ 

‘Yes’ Frankie said, and so Cat snuggled in closer to listen.

‘Mom was making her signature pancake smiles’ Frankie began. 

‘My favourite!’ 

‘Yes’ Frankie said, ‘your favourite.’ 

11-year-old Cat was dead to the world when she hunkered down in her den. It was absolutely perfect. The giraffe bedsheets blocked out just the right amount of light in the day and her flashlight kept her safe at night. Plus, Cat was never alone because her favourite purple giraffe, Mr Purple lived there. 

‘The sun will come out tomorrow’ Cat sang to no one in particular.

‘Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow’ the blinds shot up and too much light shone in the room for the giraffes to protect Cat entirely. ‘There’ll be sun! Peekaboo!’ Cat’s mother peered in through the bedsheets. ‘Why I bother making your bed just for you to sleep underneath it for the entire week is beyond me, guess what’s ready!’ 

Cat didn’t have to. She raced downstairs the moment she smelled it. Cat bulldozed into the kitchen, almost falling twice, ready for her delicious treat. Her mouth watered as she saw the pancakes, stacked three high, decorated in blueberries in the shape of a smile, doused in maple syrup, and mountains of whipped cream. 

It took Cat all of five minutes to totally annihilate her breakfast. Tummy full, and spirits light, Cat felt like partaking in her second-favourite weekend tradition, SpongeBob. 

‘Okay Frankie’ she said, ‘time for cartoons!’ 

Cat tugged on the sleeve of her big brother, and motioned for him to come, but he didn’t move. Cat looked up at him and realised why he hadn’t followed her. Frankie, who looked like he had walked through a bush backwards was completely engrossed in scribbles. Cat couldn’t tell what he was writing about, but whatever it was, it seemed important. Frankie’s pancakes were set to the side of the papers, completely untouched. 

‘Hey how come you didn’t shower today? Frankie?’ Cat waved a hand in front of her brother’s face, but to no avail.

‘Hey’ Cat pouted, ‘quit being weird.’ 

Cat’s hands shook and she crossed her arms. Her mother who had just finished the dishes swooped in quickly before the meltdown. 

‘Cat honey, why don’t you drink some juice in the lounge room. Watch TV without us for a bit, we’ll join you soon.’ 

‘But I’m not allowed to...’

‘I know honey, but it’s a special treat just for today okay?’ 

Cat didn’t need to be told twice, with her juice in one hand and Mr Purple in the other, Cat raced to the lounge room and set the channel to Nick. 

Cat got through way more cartoons than usual before her mom came in to tell her to turn down the volume, or to brush her teeth, or get dressed. It wasn’t that Cat wanted to be interrupted, she loved SpongeBob, it was just that it was kind of fun when Frankie was there too. He'd come eventually Cat supposed, and in the meantime, at least the couch was comfortable. Cat rested her head on the arm of the sofa, closed her eyes, and thought about all the fun her family would have when they came in to join her. 

Cat was boiling hot by the time she opened her eyes. It was getting well into spring, but she’d insisted on wearing her winter jammies because they were the only ones with soft enough cotton. It usually wasn’t an issue if Cat took them off before it got too light though, how come her mom hadn’t reminded her? How come she had let Cat have a... Cat giggled at the realisation. 

‘I just had a Cat nap!’ 

Unfortunately, no one was around to hear Cat’s fantastic play on words. 

‘Hello?’ Cat investigated the kitchen for signs of her family, but no one was there. There was however one strange addition to the room, a fist sized hole right in the kitchen window. 

‘Frankie?’ 

Cat had a funny feeling in her stomach when she went upstairs to investigate. Most Saturdays, the house was full of life, and noise, but today it was quiet. Frankie’s room too was entirely unoccupied, and dark. Cat noticed that next to the closed blinds were labelled boxes. The contents must have been important, because they were labelled as such, but all Cat could find when she looked inside were coat hangers, screwdrivers, and silver wear that mom had sworn had vanished. 

‘Do you work for them?’ 

Cat jumped up in shock. She hadn’t noticed her brother standing in the corner of the room. Frankie looked just as dishevelled as before, he clearly hadn’t washed since earlier that day, and he was shaking.

‘Are you cold?’ Cat asked. 

‘I believe I asked you a question’ Frankie said. Slowly, he began to inch his way towards Cat, and something made Cat wish she had stayed a little closer to the door. 

‘I’m not sure you’re even her’ Frankie said. ‘Who really are you?’ 

‘I…’

Cat wasn’t sure how to answer that question, or why it made her heart jump ever time Frankie moved closer. Frankie was her brother, he was good, and safe and… Cat gulped. 

‘Cat!’ 

Cat saw that mom was now standing by the door. ‘It’s time for your shower now!’ and Cat had never been keener to comply. As Cat walked out, she noticed something funny on her mom's arm. How long had those bandages been there?

‘Hey, what happened to…’

‘I said, go.’ 

And so Cat walked away without the chance to ask. The incident in the bedroom had been strange enough, but that weekend, Frankie's behaviour just kept getting stranger. Every time Cat asked Frankie to play, he’d tell her no, or close his door, or ignore her completely while he scribbled on paper or organised his collection. One time, Cat stole a coat hanger from a box and worn it like a crown. She tried to encourage Frankie to play kings and queens with her, but he snatched it back, grabbed Cat by the collar and asked if Cat was “retarded”. 

Cat didn’t know what the word meant, but she knew it was bad. Cat knew that the marks on her neck must have been bad too because when mom saw them, Cat wasn’t allowed in Frankie’s room anymore. 

Frankie didn’t leave the house with Cat the following Monday. Every school day before that point, Frankie had driven Cat in his car, that was what they did. But for the first time ever, Cat was made to wait at the bus stop. When the bus pulled up, and mom pulled Cat in close, Cat thought she might explain all the changes that had been happening lately, or better yet, tell her it was all just a big prank. Instead, she said 

‘I’m sorting things out with Frankie, trust me. But it is very important that everything that is going on with your brother stays between us. Okay?’

And so Cat nodded, hoping that these changes would make sense in time. 

There were a lot of people on the school bus. It passed through two different middle schools, and Cat’s house was pretty far along the bus route, so there wasn’t a lot of available seating. That was okay though, it was an opportunity for Cat to make a new friend. Cat caught sight of a girl who was wearing the sparkliest jacket she'd ever seen. 

‘That’s really pretty’ Cat said. 

‘Thank you’ the girl replied, but when Cat moved in to sit next to her, she said ‘I’m saving this for my friend. 

This threw Cat a little, but it was okay. She could try again. A girl with a side pony looked nice too, so Cat walked up to her next. 

'Can I sit here?' Cat asked. 

‘Don’t you still carry around a stuffed toy?’ 

‘Yeah!’ Cat grinned, reaching into her bag to grab him. ‘His name is Mr Purple, and he’s so, so fun. Do you want to see?’ 

But instead of answering, the girl started to laugh, and added ‘aren’t you in like 6th grade? Do you take that thing everywhere?

‘Oh yeah!’ Cat beamed, ‘He’s so special, I take him everywhere, even the bathroom and…’

The girl laughed harder, and a couple of people around her joined in too. 

‘Did you hear that Chase?’ the girl called to a boy in the back, ‘this redheaded girl takes her “special” toy to the bathroom!’ 

And pretty soon, the whole bus was laughing. Cat smiled, and she tried to join in too. After all, it was nice when people were happy, but nobody had said if she could sit down, so a slightly confused Cat remained standing the rest of the way to school. 

The thought of going to music class cheered Cat up somewhat. Most of Cat’s teachers didn’t like Cat, they said she talked too much and had a ‘motor mouth’, which made Cat laugh, but she was pretty sure from the looks on everyone’s faces that it wasn’t supposed to be funny. Music class was different though. Mrs Black loved Cat.

Mrs Black had long dark hair and almost as much love for theatre as Cat had. This year, she’d started off lessons with a scene from Oliver!, and when Cat couldn't help but join in, she'd gotten a solo performance rather than a talking to and detention for speaking out of turn. 

This week's study was The Sound of Music. Cat belted hit after hit, and felt like every ounce of stress she had once felt had vanished completely by the time class was over. Cat felt in such high spirits, she thought it only fair to share her joy with her new friend Stacy. 

'Wasn't class fantastic?' Cat asked as she caught up with Stacy. 'Wasn't it just so amazing?' 

‘Maybe for you’ Stacy replied before she carried on walking. 

That was the second time that day Cat’s classmates had done things that confused her. It wasn’t as though Cat was stupid, it was just that sometimes people strung their words together in ways that didn’t make a lot of sense, and then whatever reaction would come out after that, be it anger or tears or laugher seemingly came at random. Was Stacy mad?

Cat quickened her pace so that she could catch up with Stacy and find out. 

‘Stacy!’ Cat huffed. ‘Are you okay? It’s alright if you don’t like the Sound of Music, because next time it might be something different. Hey, why don’t I show you a cool dance I know to another show, which is…’

‘Oh my god!’ Stacy turned around to face Cat. ‘You don’t have to be such a show off. I’m not interested in learning your dance, go find someone else to play with!’ 

‘But…’ Cat didn’t understand what Stacy meant, she didn’t have anyone else. Stacy was her friend. 

‘Goodbye Cat’ Stacy said, and then Cat was on her own. 

So Cat wasn’t allowed to play with Stacy either. 

Cat tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach during math class. It was easy to feel kind of sour when you were a friendless 11-year-old who didn’t know how to count, but Cat didn’t like to stay moody, it didn’t help. So, she did the only thing she knew how. When lunchtime came, Cat escaped into her mind with the power of imagination. 

Cat could be anything she wanted when she was in her own brain. Today, Cat decided to be a giraffe. Cat took Mr Purple and frolicked through the school oval munching on leaves. Cat used her enormous neck to reach up and gather delicious foliage. Dead to the outside world, Cat took no notice of where she was headed, and inevitably, she found herself headbutting a group of 8th graders by the gate. 

‘Hey!’ A stocky one called. ‘Watch it!’ 

Cat rubbed her head and looked up at the offending objects. Three boys. 

‘What was she doing’ a skinnier one asked. 

‘Who knows, she’s a freak’ the stocky one commented. Cat’s cheeks flushed red, she wasn’t confused by that comment, she knew exactly what it meant. 

A third boy, the largest yet walked up and looked Cat dead in the eyes. 

‘You guys know who she is don’t you?’ he asked, but the other boys shook their heads. ‘I’ve seen her, being driven to school by the schitzo’ 

Cat tried to stand up straighter to defend herself, but she was half these boy’s size. 

‘Leave me alone’ 

‘Her brother’ the big one said, ‘does all kinds of crazy shit, I’ve seen it. I’m betting schizo junior had a pretty batshit reason for her behaviour too. So tell us then little red, why were you munching on the leaves?’ 

‘I was…’ Cat gulped, finding herself feeling very much on show. ‘I was pretending to be a giraffe.’ 

‘Oh’ A wicked smile came across the boy’s face. Without warning, the boy whipped out his penis and pissed all over the branches, and over Cat’s shoes. ‘Still feeling thirsty?’ 

Cat burst into tears, she couldn’t help it. She ran off distraught, and tried to take refuge in the only place in the school she liked. This day had been awful, the weekend had been awful, and no one would explain to her why! Cat slammed the door to the music room, and curled up into a ball, holding Mr purple close to her chest. 

‘Just make it go away’ she whispered as she tried to drown out the world. 

Cat wasn’t sure what time it was when Mrs Black walked in. Cat felt a light touch on her shoulder and she opened her eyes. Mrs Black was smiling at her like she always had. 

‘Would you like a hug?’ 

Cat nodded her head yes and allowed herself to get out of the foetal position. The hug didn’t make her feel much better, but it did help. 

‘Can you tell me what happened Cat?’ 

There was a part of Cat that wanted to. Cat hated lying, especially to her favourite teacher in the world, but she didn’t think she could explain without breaking the promise she’d made to her mother, so Cat remained silent. Cat thought she saw Mrs Black examine her neck. She knew she saw Mrs Black scrunch up her nose at the smell of Cat's shoes.

‘Is everything okay at home?’ 

Cat knew she couldn’t answer this question honestly either, but Mrs Black didn’t look like she would leave her alone if Cat didn’t give her anything, so she simply nodded her head yes. Mrs Black asked if Cat wanted to go home, and Cat nodded her head again. 

The car ride home was quiet, and tense. Frankie was sat in the back seat, seemingly oblivious to everything going on around him, and still scribbling in his notepad. Cat tried to open the car door when her mom pulled up to the driveway, but it wouldn’t budge. Child lock. 

‘They asked me some pretty strange questions Cat, the school I mean.’ 

‘Oh.’ Cat fiddled with her seatbelt uncomfortably, ‘like what?’ 

‘You didn’t tell them anything that’s been going on with your brother, did you?’

‘No!’ Cat brightened, she’d kept her promise. 

‘Are you sure? Because from the questions they asked me…’

‘I didn’t!’ Cat insisted. She was not about to get into trouble for something she hadn’t even done. 

Cat thought she might get into trouble for using that tone with her mom, but instead, mom took a long tired sigh and said 

‘Okay, go take a shower.’ 

Home got pretty boring over the coming weeks. Cat didn’t get to go out much because Frankie had to go with them, and mom didn’t like it when people looked at them, which they did, like a lot. So most of the time, it was groceries, or home, or school. Cat could go out the back, but it wasn’t like she had any friends to play with, so most of the time, she stayed under her bed, and escaped into her world of imagination. 

Cat spent hours caught up in her own little world. Whether she was a giraffe or an orphan from the 1930s, Cat’s imaginary world was filled with song. When Cat was under her bed, she was singing, and when she was under there, no one could tell her off for doing so. 

Cat felt like she needed the space under the bed to drown out the rest of the world. Frankie’s room had been getting louder. What had begun as manic murmurs had turned into full-on screaming matches. Lots of people came to the door in the coming weeks, and while mom assured everyone that they were perfectly okay, Cat still didn’t feel much like leaving her room to check that out for herself. School wasn’t much better either. Cat loved people, but they all seemed a little too busy for her so she stayed in her world there too. Pretty soon, Cat basically lived under her bed. She left only for the bathroom and meals, and then it was every other meal. 

Cat didn't like the changes she saw when she had to leave her safe space. The bandage on mom’s arm turned into two. Then three, and the visitors to the house increased, but mom kept her smile on and assured everyone that they were all fine, so they must have been. Right? 

An especially grating shriek came from downstairs Friday morning. Frankie must have been in a bad mood. Right then, Cat was more motivated than ever that not to leave her room that day, and for a while that worked, but it meant that nobody got her ready for school. Cat heard the sound of children walking to the bus stop, and she was pretty sure she'd be late, but that didn't really concern Cat either. Cat ignored the hunger pains too, and her need to pee for a while, but by early afternoon, when she was completely busting, Cat knew that she had no choice but to venture out from her refuge. 

The house was just as dim as it had been for the past few months, but strikingly quieter. All Cat could hear was the faint tapping of floorboards. Sometimes it drew slightly nearer, then further, always at the same rhythmic pace. Slowly, Cat made her way out of her bedroom. 

‘Mom?’ 

Nobody responded. Probably, mom was outside hanging out washing or doing some gardening. Cat kept on walking down the hall. The footsteps got slightly louder as Cat kept walking. Cat noticed that they had been coming from her brother’s room. Curiosity got the better of Cat and she peered through her brother’s doorway. 

The pacing had stopped. Cat peered through the door, and saw not her brother, but a middle aged woman lying on the floor. 

‘Mom?’ Cat whispered, but there was no response. 

‘Mom!’ 

Was she breathing? Was she… did she… Cat checked her mother’s pulse, her heart was beating, and there was air coming out of her nose. Okay, still conscious. Cat tapped her mom on the face. When that didn’t work, she tried to shake her. 

‘I don’t think you’re suppose to do that.’ 

Frankie had walked up to Cat’s side. Cat hadn’t seen her brother in a while, she wasn’t sure when he’d become so pale, his eyes looked wide and inhuman. 

‘Frankie… mom is…’ 

Cat tried to get her words out, to think about what she was supposed to do in emergencies but her mind was all foggy. She couldn’t think straight. 

‘I’m sorry Cat’ Frankie said, ‘she wasn’t… That’s not who you think she is.’ 

‘She wasn’t… Frankie, what are you talking about?’ Cat looked at her brother who was looking crazier than ever. It was in that moment that Cat noticed he was holding an empty wine bottle. 

‘Where did you… What did…’ 

Cat had no time to think. As soon as Frankie drew his hand back, she ran. Out the door and down the stairs. Mom kept her cell phone on the kitchen counter, she made a dash for it, but when Cat picked it up, it was smashed to pieces. Cat had to try something else. The landline was still stuck to the wall too, but all Cat managed was a 9 and a 1 before her brother swooped in, slung her over her shoulder and carried her away. 

‘Frankie no!’ Cat screamed at the top of her lungs. She tried to scurry out of his grip, but Frankie was surprisingly strong, she couldn’t budge. 

‘Somebody help!’ Cat called, but nobody came. She tried again to escape, but she couldn’t. And when Cat entered Frankie’s room again, helpless and alone, she closed her eyes and accepted her fate. She wished she didn’t have to go this early. 

Soon after, the room became louder still. What must have been multiple footsteps surrounded Cat yelling 

‘Freeze!’ and ‘Open up!’ Cat was pretty sure she heard Frankie screech too, but she couldn’t open her eyes to look. It wasn’t safe yet. Cat refused to move from the ball she’d put herself in. Not even when a man told her she was safe now, and not even when she heard him walking away. Because she couldn’t trust them. Her mom had said that everything was okay, and now she was… 

‘Your mom’s being taken to the hospital. She’s going to be okay.’ 

That got Cat’s attention. She opened her eyes to see that the room was now almost empty. It was in chaos, broken metal everywhere, but no Frankie, and no mom. The police officer looked nice, he had a smile kind of like Mrs Black. 

‘You’ll take me to her?’ Cat asked, and the man nodded. So she headed to the hospital for the first time of many to come. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Frankie wasn’t sure when Cat had had stopped listening to the story, but he could tell it had been a while from the way she was wedged into the corner of the room. 

‘Stop it!’ Cat was repeating. Her hands were over her ears and she was trembling like a leaf. The girl was barely consolable, and yes Frankie felt a tinge of guilt for his actions. After he had pushed the button to call the nurses though, and after they had restrained her with hugs and injections, he convinced her to leave the room, and that had never happened before. And when Frankie messaged his sister, and said 

‘This is why you can’t come back to live with me’, 

For the first time ever, Cat didn’t respond. And Frankie knew he had done the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about this one. As I said, it doesn't stay this depressing forever.


	18. Chapter 18

Jade gulped. Her heart was beating faster than the thought possible and everything around her seemed to be moving too quickly. What Cat had written in that letter was…

‘When did you find this?’ Jade held onto Robbie’s shoulder’s in a death grip, causing him to wince.

‘About an hour ago, I tried to contact you but…’

An hour. Okay, well that wasn’t that much time right? Maybe everything would be okay. Everything HAD to be okay, there was no other option.

‘Call her’

‘I try, but she doesn’t answer. She…’

‘Keep trying. And come with me.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘Okay, what do you think about her then?’ 

Beck pointed to a page in the pop magazine. 

‘Pitchy’ Jade decided. ‘I’ve hear her sing live, she just can’t hit the high notes’ 

‘And her?’ 

‘Good range, could use a little practice in endurance.’ Beck laughed. 

‘Remind me never to use you as my vocal couch, I don’t think my ego would be able to handle such brutal honesty’. 

‘You're tougher than that Beck’ Jade said. ‘Besides, I’ve heard you sing. You’re good, I wouldn’t date you if you weren’t.’ 

‘Thanks, I think you’re fantastic.’ 

The way Beck looked at Jade in this moment, like he was her favourite thing in the world. He never did that in public. It made Jade feel like she was so on display. She liked the attention, but it burned to stand in that light too long. 

‘What?’ Jade asked. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ 

‘It’s just... I love you’ The look was even more severe now, Jade had to turn away. 

‘I know you don’t like talking about feelings though, so if you can’t say it back, then...’ 

‘I love you too’ Jade said, and it was maybe the easiest thing she had ever done. ‘But I have to go. I promised Patty some bonding.’

Jade gave Beck a chaste kiss as she got up and opened the door. ‘Call you?’ Beck nodded. 

Jade was almost in the lead now. She made princess peach eat dust as she dashed up the speed arrows on the jump. Zeroing in on the gift pile, Jade managed to pick up some green shells from the middle and with grace and precision, she knocked out her brother, and the other two computerised competitors before she won the victory and slammed the controller on the sofa proudly.

‘Aww no fair!’ Patrick exclaimed, ‘I like it better when Beck plays.’

‘Yeah, he kind of sucks huh.’

Everything in Jade’s life was going perfectly. Perfect boyfriend, perfect best friend, and her brother was alright too. As long as no one came in to change anything, Jade was sure to… Oh there her mother was. 

Helen stood in front of the TV with her hands on her hips. This could not be good.

‘What is it?’ Jade asked. 

‘Your father called’ she said. ‘Said you’d blocked him on your phone, and so he tried to get through me. He’s on hold, what do you want to do Jade?’

And just when everything was going so well too, Jade stood up, pressed the red receiver on her mother’s Pear Phone, and got back to her game without another word.

That wasn’t the last time Richard tried to contact. He made three more attempts to call Helen that week, after which time, Jade convinced her mom to block him, but that only made the man more creative with his efforts. 

Jade received an email from an account she used almost exclusively for retail promotions, and a message with school reception too. She’d even received a hand-written letter in the post, which she’d quickly shoved into a drawer. It wasn’t like Richard’s intrusion had upset Jade, she’d moved on from him after all, but the constant messaging was annoying and confusing for her. And it kept interrupting the time she was supposed to be spending with people who mattered. She tried her best, but Jade simply couldn’t stop wasting her time complaining about him.

‘And another thing is…’ 

Both Cat and Jade halted their conversation when Cat’s phone started to ring. Cat looked at the caller ID anxiously, but soon breathed a sigh of relief and explained  
‘It’s the psych ward.’ As Jade waited impatiently for Cat to finish her call, her mind drifted back to a time before any of this shit. 

Jade was six years old when she first caught Richard cheating on her mom. Her mom had been on a trip to Florida to visit nanna. She’d had a recent fall and broken her hip. Jade hadn’t minded really, in fact, she’d been looking forward to the time alone because dad let her order take out, watch TV and play videogames all day long as long as she was quiet. The best part of all was that the Friday mom left was also a half-day at school. The school had been celebrating... something. To be honest, Jade hadn’t really been paying attention, but it meant that she had two-and-a-half days of freedom. She just needed to get through the morning of boring school first 

‘When can we leave?’ Jade asked her teacher.

‘What? Not enjoying my company?’ The teacher Joked. Jade didn’t laugh. ‘When both of the hands get to the 12.’ 

The teacher pointed to a big clock in the middle of the room, which read a time Jade couldn’t understand, but she knew what a 12 looked like, and the hands were not there. A cranky Jade stared at the clock, willing its arms to move. 

As it turned out, a watched clock never moved. The minute turned into hours, and Jade felt like she might never be freed of this torture. Jade figured she may as well keep herself busy. It was free time anyway, Jade could colour, but she wasn’t really feeling inspired. She could draw? Nah. 

‘Jade’ The teacher said, ‘If you’re bored, why don’t you write me one of your stories?’

Now that was a good idea. Jade told a whimsical tale about a beast and a knight. It was filled with action and adventure, and a happy ending of course. Before Jade could finish the story though, she was interrupted by the song of the school bell. 

‘Alright Kids, you’re free!’

Cat was soon finished with her phone call, which was good because Jade didn’t feel much like continuing her journey down memory lane. 

‘How’s your brother?’ she asked.

‘Oh he’s great, I actually think he’s going to be out soon. Mom is working on some issues with child protection too, but when that’s sorted out I can move out of Pearl and Walter’s place and…’ Jade clearly wasn't paying attention, so Cat gave her ear a flick to bring her back

‘What?’ Jade asked rubbing at her ear. ‘Oh yeah, that’s too bad Cat, you’ll get them next time.’ The look Cat gave Jade let her know that what she had said had not been the correct guess.

‘You thinking about your dad?’

Jade nodded.

‘Why do you think he’s contacting now? I mean it’s been four months since the trial right?’

‘Almost exactly.’

‘You don’t think it’s about…’ Cat fiddled with her phone nervously. ‘That day right?’

‘What do… oh, no. No one saw us Cat, chill.’

‘Then’ Cat pondered. ‘Maybe he’s called to apologise?’

Jade raced down to the kiss and drop zone. She wanted to get started on her weekend as soon as possible. Unfortunately for her though, Richard hadn’t been quite as prompt. 

With school finishing early, and no busses, kiss-and-drop was understandably packed. Jade had pushed her way past tonnes of kids to get to where she was. Dad was probably just sitting somewhere in the queue. Jade decided to be patient. 

Much of the line was cleared up within minutes. The organised moms, the ones with lunch at the ready in the car were the first to arrive. Then there were the regular parents, the working parents, and last of all were the tired dads. The stragglers showed up last to apologise to their crying children, and eventually, Jade was the only one left. Jade was then made to wait in an office that smelled of disinfectant, only for an old reception lady to tell her that they couldn’t contact her father. She was then driven home by her least favourite gym teacher, Mr Sparks. He smelled like ham. When she finally got out of his too-hot car, Jade had to open her own door using the key under the mat.

Jade walked inside, fuming. She expected an apology, or an explanation. It was basically the end of normal school now, and her father had almost ruined her entire weekend. Jade wanted to yell at him, but there was no one downstairs to yell at. 

‘He doesn’t do that’ Jade said bitterly. ‘Let’s not talk about this anymore, distract me’.

Cat put her best efforts into doing that. She talked at length about her brother, that didn’t work. She tried to tell her best joke, Cat even tried to scare Jade with a Halloween mask she’d been working on. When Jade remained pissed, Cat tried the only thing she could think of. She dragged her friend by the wrist into the janitor's closet.

Jade didn’t think the isolation would work. Sure, she appreciated it, but her mind remained preoccupied. Jade didn't think there was anything that could stop her ruminations, but when Cat pushed her full body into Jade, and when she basically groped Jade’s ass, Jade was quickly proven wrong.

‘Um... What are you doing?’

Jade’s question was soon answered when Cat pulled Jade’s favourite pair of scissors out of Jade’s pocket. 

‘You like to break stuff when you’re mad’ Cat explained, and she pulled out an ugly plastic container from her own bag.

Jade knew that something was wrong the moment she arrived home. She could smell the pungent aroma of strawberry perfume, and she knew it had to belong to a stranger. Jade would remember if anyone she knew had such poor taste. Plus there was laughter upstairs. Her father never laughed.

Who was in her house? Was it a robber? A kidnapper? Had they held her father hostage? It didn't matter. Whoever it was, Jade could take them, she wasn't scared. She was big, and independent, and she could scare them away all by herself. Jade grabbed an umbrella from the coat rack and readied herself for attack. 

As Jade crawled up the stairs, the sounds of laughter grew louder, and Jade grew angrier. This stranger had not only taken over her house, and ruined her weekend, but they’d been here having a good time, when Jade was stuck hanging out with ham breath! 

The sound was coming from mom and dad’s bedroom. Jade snuck up behind the door, held her umbrella like a baseball bat, and swung the door open as quickly as she could. 

‘Jade?’ It wasn’t strangers behind the door, or at least not entirely.

‘I…’

‘Jade wait!’

Jade ran out of the room as quickly as she could. She couldn’t have seen what she had just seen, she couldn’t. She didn't want to. She didn’t even want to be in the house right now, all Jade wanted to do in this moment was escape to her room. Jade made it most of the way there, but at the last second, her chest started to burn, and she puked the entire contents of her breakfast right onto the floorboards. 

Cat sat silently by Jade’s side the entire time she cut. The box was broken into hundreds of tiny pieces, and to her surprise, Jade found that that act had made it a little easier to breathe.

‘Thanks.’

Eventually, Jade calmed down enough to enter into society again, and while her anger at her father didn’t disappear, it stayed at a quiet simmer, for the most part, and that was functional, for the most part.

Jade admitted, that as Richard’s attempts at contact her increased, her tolerance for bullshit decreased. Jade made Robbie squeal a little more often in the coming weeks. Andre was smart enough not to spend any time alone with Jade, so he didn’t fare too badly, and Jade could never be angry at Cat, not really anyway. This meant that the person who took the brunt of Jade’s moodiness was Beck.

Jade hadn’t been lying when she said that she loved him. She really did, but Richard made her so heightened that the very same things that she used to love about the boy were starting to irritate her. Beck’s thoughtfulness had been fantastic when Jade had wanted a coffee, or a ride, but that same courtesy was infuriating when the boy offered a ride to every pimple-faced girl that turned up on his driveway.

Jade appreciated Beck’s half-smile when it was directed at her, but when it was shown to all the hornbags who’d made their way to her lunch table, it made her want to strangle him. But none of these slights made Jade feel even remotely as angry as when Beck won that magazine competition.

A few months prior, Beck entered in a competition to be centrefold in dolly magazine. It was Jade who had suggested it, and when Beck won, she couldn't have been prouder. The problem was that she was not the only girl to share in that pride.

After the results were announced, acne-ridden desperados were more of an issue than ever before. Jade couldn’t get to her locker, her table, or even the bathroom without being bombarded with gaggles of teenage girls. Patience tested, and personal space invaded, when one particularly eager ninth grader shoved her boob in Beck’s face, expecting it to be signed, Jade snapped.

She charged at the whore with all of her might. If it hadn't have been for Beck, Andre, and even Cat's conjoined restraint, Jade would have probably hospitalised the girl..

‘That’s right!' Jade yelled, still restrained as the girl ran away. 'My Boyfriend just won a contest for being hot. And if you lay even one hair on his chest, you’re going to –‘ the girl was gone, and Jade thought it safe to stop. She took a quick breath, waited for her friends to unhand her, and silently went back to her lunch.

‘Well, I think she probably got the message. Pass the kechup Beck?’

Beck didn’t pass it, and when Jade looked up at him, she saw that he was seething.

‘What?’

‘What? Jade do you want to get expelled?’

‘No, but, what was I supposed to do? She was basically molesting you, and…’

‘I can take care of myself Jade’

‘Yeah but you won’t though!’

‘And what exactly does that mean?’

‘You know what it means, you could stop them if you tried.’

‘Okay, she came up to me, and...’

This fight went on for longer than any of Jade and Beck’s arguments had done before. If it weren’t for Cat guiding Jade to the janitor’s closet again, they would have been at each other's throats for hours. Jade entered the room with far too much pent up aggression. Ugh, why had they stopped her before she could beat up that bitch? Finding that she couldn't think of any other way to get the anger out, Jade kicked some shelves. This caused the whole room to shake, and the shelving unit to almost fall to the ground, so Cat thought it best to hand her friend a pair of scissors instead.

‘Stacy’s a bitch’ Jade said as she cut.

‘I know.’

‘And Beck is an ass.’

‘I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be’

Jade finished destroying the box within minutes. It helped, but it wasn’t enough. Jade threw the scissors to the side, put her head in her knees, and waited for the anger to subside.

‘Eew, what did you give her for lunch?’

Jade looked up to see that the lady who was once in her father’s room had exited, evidently forgetting to put on clothes first.

‘Nothing’ Jade said, before she stared down her father who had neglected her and walked silently to her bedroom for some peace.

Richard entered Jade’s room a little while later, not bothering to knock. Jade allowed him to sit next to her on her bed, but she shuffled away when he tried to put a hand on her shoulder. Richard set his hands in his lap instead.

‘Why was that woman in mom’s bed?’ Jade asked. 

Richard cleared his throat instead of responding. 

‘Why wasn’t she wearing any clothes?’

‘Jade’ Richard said. ‘There are things that you will understand when you’re older. For now, let’s just forget about this incident, and enjoy our weekend of –‘

‘NO!’ 

Jade stood up and stomped her foot on the bed, but it didn’t have the effect she wanted to she jumped down and stomped on the floorboards instead. ‘How am I supposed to enjoy the weekend when you keep ruining it? You didn’t pick me up from school, I didn’t get any lunch, and you didn’t even tell me other grownups would be here! I’m calling mom and telling her about-‘

‘Jade.’ Richard stilled Jade with his hands. He held her by her shoulders to restrain her. ‘Sometimes when we have evenings together we do things that mom doesn’t have to know about, like staying up after bedtime or eating ice cream for dinner. This is one of those times Jade.’

Richard said this calmly, but his voice sounded everything but. It was intentionally even, quiet. Jade wanted to defy him, and to keep fighting, but he’d never sounded like this before. This emotion... was it anger? seemed strong. Jade was pretty sure she shouldn't be making it worse.

‘Do you know why your mother went away Jade?’ Richard asked.

‘Yeah. To take care of nanna cause her hip is sore.’

‘Yes’ Richard said. ‘That’s what your mom told you, and it is part of the truth, but there’s more. You see your mom isn’t doing too good either.’

‘What?’ mom hadn’t told her that. ‘Why?’

Richard’s face turned into something that resembled compassion. ‘You see your mom has been having this… episodes. Headaches, dizziness, she been feeling pretty rotten lately. We’re concerned she going to get very, very sick.’

‘Oh’ Jade said. ‘But not like Uncle Murphy right?’

‘Well’ Richard said, ‘We hope not, but to make sure that doesn’t happen, we really need to keep the stress levels down. And do you know what that means Jade?’

‘No’

‘No sharing secrets that would make your mom upset.’ 

‘He never says he’s my boyfriend.’ Jade commented.

Cat stared back at her blankly. ‘Huh?’

‘Beck’ Jade explained. ‘I tell people all the time that we’re a couple, but it’s like, he doesn’t even bring it up if I’m not around.’

‘Oh’ Cat said. ‘Do you want him to?’

‘Well… Why wouldn’t he? I mean Cat, if I was your girlfriend, surely you would be proud right? You’d want people to know?’

Cat was clearly unsure of how to respond to that question.

‘Um I… Uh… If you were my…’

Jade sighed. ‘Forget it’ she said, as she stood to leave.

‘Hey Jade?’ Cat questioned. ‘If you want Beck to talk about you more, maybe you should ask him.’

As it turned out, Cat’s advice wasn’t half bad. Jade had Beck had managed to get through a whole ten minutes of discussion without ripping each other’s throats out, and Beck’s half-smile had returned, though Jade wasn’t sure if it was in happiness or mocking this time around.

‘You know what I mean’ Jade insisted.

‘Yes’ Beck said, ‘but it still want to hear you say it.’

Jade sighed. ‘I’m sorry I was a bitch.’

‘You’re not a bitch’ Beck said, ‘I just wish you’d… I don’t know, hold your tongue a little more.’

‘I guess you can’t help being hot’ Jade admitted, and when Beck didn’t respond, added ‘you could say I’m pretty too.’

‘You’re beautiful Jade.

‘You’re pretty when you’re mad’

‘It’s not funny Richard’ Helen insisted through Richard’s laughter. ‘Look, I just don’t understand why you need to be out so late with work, you’re not getting paid overtime!’ 

‘I get paid plenty. Do you want to continue living in a house like this? Sending Jade to that fancy school?’

‘Well yes, but...’

‘And you! I think you’re living pretty large with my lack-of overtime money too. Cocktails with the ladies, caviar by the pool. I’ve seen you slutting it up in those cocktail dresses by the way. Super classy Helen.’ 

‘Richard! Jade can hear...’

The door was closed properly after that. It was fine Jade didn’t even want to listen to their boring grownup conversation anyway. Jade took her ear off the bedroom door and made her way to her own room 

Jade’s room had been all decked out recently, it was weird. Mom had always said “no TV in your room, you need to socialise with your family” but after Richard broke Jade’s homemade preschool plate in a fight, her parents had driven her straight to Target to get a top-of-the-line screen. They'd paired it with a beanbag and Gameboy Advance soon after. 

Plenty of other rules had been relaxed too. “No sugar, it will rot your teeth” turned into “Go ask the housekeeper, your mom and I are talking.” 

Jade knew she should enjoy her newfound freedom. Her friends were all super jealous when she told them about her home life, it was just, it was also kind of confusing. Why didn’t mom go outside anymore? Why couldn’t her parents talk to each other without yelling? 

It wasn't like Jade hadn't tried to find out. When she asked her parents, they'd say things like “you’ll understand when you’re older” or “it’s none of your concern Jade”, and Jade supposed that it wasn’t, but she just didn’t like it when things happened and she didn’t know why. 

Jade considered her predicament. Mom had said she’d understand when she was older. Well, Jade wasn’t that young, she could use adult scissors without supervision and read at a third-grade level. Problem was she did both of those things at school, and her parents weren’t around to see that. Perhaps if Jade could show how grown up she was at home, she’d be let into the family conversations. 

The first grownup thing Jade could think of was housework. She decided on vacuuming to start, her mom and housekeeper had always made it look easy. Jade found her way to the laundry to fetch the appliance. It was heavier than she thought it would be, she managed to drag it to the kitchen and plug it in, but she tripped over the tangled power cord before she could mop up any crumbs. 

Richard didn’t look impressed when he walked in to investigated the noise. 

‘Jade’ he said, ‘I can’t hear myself think. Please find something quiet to do.’

Perhaps Jade could try some laundry instead? That seemed a little easier. Jade loaded up her wagon with her bedsheets, duvet and all, squished them in the front loader, and pressed the buttons at random until she could see water running inside. 

Jade was so proud of her efforts that she insisted Helen come join her in the laundry to see what she had done, but when they both arrived, and saw the room entirely flooded with soapy water, Jade could tell that she would need to find another way to determine what was happening behind those bedroom walls. 

Jade’s last-ditch effort was cooking. Everyone had always told her you need adult supervision to cook. It stood to reason then, that if Jade could cook all by herself, then she must be a grownup too. 

Jade used the stool from the bathroom to reach the freezer door. Nuggets! Jade couldn’t believe her luck. She reached deep inside to grab the bag, almost falling in the process, and then made her way to the oven to place the bag inside.

Jade stared at the oven glass, willing her food to cook. Why wasn’t it getting any warmer? Jade poked the bag. It was ice cold. Although she still couldn’t tell time, Jade was pretty sure this process was supposed to be faster. Was the oven broken? Jade could ask her mom if… No. If Jade wanted to be an adult, she had to do this on her own.

Jade thought for a minute about her options. Nuggets need heat. Was there anything else in the kitchen that warmed things up? Jade looked just above the oven and found her target. Perfect. 

The pictures on the side of the stovetop were pretty easy to understand. Jade found the appropriate dot on the picture, turned it on, and placed the nugget bag on top.

The nugget bag warmed up in no time. Jade congratulated herself for her efforts, she thought about her proud her mom and dad would be when they learned what she could do on her own! Best of all, Jade would soon be enjoying the taste of yummy, crunchy… Was the bag supposed to be that colour? 

The flames grew faster than Jade could have ever imagined. Jade tried to think about what the bear had said about preventing fires, but the smoke alarm was too loud for her to think straight. Jade blocked her ears. She tried dousing the flame with a dish towel, but it only made the flame brighter. Jade was sure that water stopped burning, but when she poured a glass of it over the counter, flames shot everywhere and hurt Jade’s hand. 

‘MOM! DAD!’

Helen and Richard ran to Jade in a flash.

‘Jade!’ Helen screamed as she ushered her daughter away from the kitchen and grabbed the fire extinguisher. ‘Get her in the car!’

Richard forcefully took Jade’s wrist and guided her outside. It was hard to run because her hand hurt and her head was getting dizzy. Since when had it been so hard to breathe? The dizziness only got worse as time went on. Jade's vision started to blur before it faded to black. 

Jade wasn’t in the car when she opened her eyes. She had been transported to a room with white walls and face masks. Why was this plastic thingy on Jade’s mouth? She pulled it off. 

‘Jade!’ 

Helen pulled Jade in to the tightest hug she had ever given, so tight it was hard to breathe. Richard too gave her a brief embrace when Helen surrendered her.  ‘Are you feeling okay?’ Helen asked. ‘Is your throat sore? Jade tell me where it hurts!’ 

Jade didn’t answer. She wasn’t trying to be defiant; it was just that her throat was so raspy, no words came out. 

One of the men in masks interrupted, saving Jade from having to talk. 

‘Mr and Mrs west, I understand that you’re concerned. Seems as though young Jade is in good physical form though. A little smoke inhalation, she’s going to be fine.’

Helen gave Jade an equally deep pressured hug.

‘But if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask Jade a couple of questions.’

‘Now’ Richard piped up, ‘I’m not sure that will be necessary, as you said, she’s perfectly-‘

‘It will only take a minute.’

Jade didn't like being alone in the room with the masked man. The questions he asked were weird, and Jade didn’t understand what most of them meant, but the man told the truth when he said he would be quick, and soon after, Jade was discharged and taken home.

Helen and Richard were silent for the whole drive, and it didn't get better when the got there. Helen fled to her room, probably to cry. Richard stayed back, but he had that funny calm look again, and Jade wished that he hadn't.

‘Jade. Do you want your mom to be sick?’

‘No’

‘Do you want her to die?'

‘No!’

‘Then pull your head out of your ass and stop doing stupid shit!’ Richard left then too. He stormed into his study and shut the door. Jade was alone again. 

Beck did as he was told, he introduced her to new people, he made some posts on the slap, he’d even put a big picture of himself and Jade inside his clear locker. But he still flirted back with the girls. He offered everyone who wanted one a ride, and it was clear that Beck’s half-smile was still open to everyone.

Plenty of other things tested their relationship. Robbie spread rumours for his stupid blog, rumours which Beck laughed off, Beck’s constant stream of sexy pictures on the slap was a matter of contention, and he had made friends with one of the most pretty and most famous people Jade had ever seen. Unfortunately, Cat had gone away to visit her uncles that week, so she was not close enough to prevent that brief breakup.

The constant arguing was draining on Beck, and Jade didn’t like it any more that he did, but it wasn't all bad. After every fight when they made up again, things were passionate, and exciting again. Those moments reminded both Beck and Jade why they were together in the first place. Then the passion died down and it was back to fighting. The constant cycle, it was upsetting. Not just for them, but for everyone around them, and Jade knew she had to talk about it before she was lovestruck and forgetful again.

‘What are we doing?’ Jade asked Beck after their third-consecutive tiff of the week.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know what! We fight all the time, I’m never not angry. The amount of times I’ve threatened to leave is…’

‘You know you don’t have to do that’ Beck pointed out.

Jade did. She did know that, but…

‘Why do I want to? If I love you so much, why do I push you away all the time?’

At her father’s request, Jade kept silent after the kitchen incident. She watched her shows, and ate her food and went to school. She played the part of the perfect daughter hoping that it would stop the chaos of her family home. Hoping that it would fix her mom. It didn’t work.

Every day the fights got louder. Jade had once held her ear up to her parent’s bedroom door, hoping to decipher what was going on behind it, but lately there was no need. They didn’t even attempt to hide it.

‘I hate you’

‘You’re overreacting’

‘You’re a dick!’

Fighting became such a constant in Jade’s life, she eventually found she couldn’t sleep until she heard screaming. But one day it stopped, and Jade found two packed bags at the doorstep ready to go.

‘We’re going to nanna’s for a bit’ was the only explanation Jade got before she was made to leave in their family car. 

‘I don’t know’ Beck said. ‘But I don’t know what it means for us if you can’t figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about the chapter.


	19. Chapter 19

Jade and Robbie searched the entire school for their friend. They tried the music room, the janitor’s closet, they even went up to the roof, but she wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She had to have left, to have gone somewhere that was important to her, but where would that be?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 

Jade 

That was the only word written on the envelope Jade had been staring at. There was no return address, or postage stamp, or any indication of who it was from, but Jade still knew. It was Richard. His handwriting was so distinctive, the 'd' was slightly curled at the end, pretty. It was a shame that Richard held such a disdain for the arts really because he would have been one hell of a calligrapher. 

Richard had stopped trying to contact Jade now. The only thing that remained of him was this very letter. The letter that she had been staring at for at least a week now. It made sense, Jade had made it so that he could get through on the phone, and Helen had told the school board to ignore him, so short of Richard actually turning up to her house, he had no way through. Not that Jade cared. 

Still, Jade didn’t like not knowing what was going on and as much as she tried to ignore Richard, she couldn’t stop ruminating over why he had tried to contact her in the first place. Was he really trying to make amends? Did he want to apologise for being a shitty father after all? Perhaps he wanted to renounce his hatred for everything that made her happy and writing to ask her if she had any upcoming productions. On the other hand, maybe Cat was right. It wouldn’t have been that difficult for Richard to figure out who had destroyed his property, maybe he was suing for damages. No, that would have been done by the lawyers. The most likely scenario, Jade thought, was that this was all a great big show. Jade knew that the media weren't exactly fond of Richard lately, she couldn’t imagine that his daughter renouncing him in court and then cutting off contact would have helped his cause. Could this have been a ploy to manage the PR nightmare? Or maybe it was…

‘Why do you carry that thing around with you so much?’ 

Beck was staring at Jade from the driver’s seat. His face looked more amused than irritated, but Jade still couldn’t help but blush at being called out. This wasn’t the first time she had been caught. 

‘It’s nothing’ Jade said, but Beck seemed unconvinced. 

‘Really?’ Beck asked, ‘because not to be needy or anything, but you’ve been a little… distant lately.’ 

Jade felt herself tense up a little. Was that criticism? 

‘Well I’m sorry that I can’t be at your beck and call like so many of the…’ 

‘That’s not what I meant!’ there was the irritation. Jade tried to slow down the beating of her heart with her breathing. It’s too early to start fighting, calm down! 

‘I know’ Jade said as she attempted to unclench her jaw. 

‘I love you’ Beck said with a little more effort than Jade would have liked. I just miss you is all.’ 

‘I’m sitting right here’ Jade reasoned. 

‘You know what I mean!’ it was Beck’s turn to breathe in and out now. ‘Listen, I’ve been thinking, I know you usually hang out with Cat Friday night, but maybe tonight you could come round to my house and we could have dinner?’ 

Jade considered this. ‘Microwaved dinner in your RV? That sounds kind of nice. Might be a nice break from Helen, I can tell Cat we can…’ 

‘Actually’ Beck said, ‘I was thinking we might be able to graduate to the main house?’ 

‘The main…’ it took a moment for Jade to understand what Beck was talking about, but there was nothing that she could do to manage her heartbeat when it did register. ‘No.’ 

‘Come on Jade’ Beck reasoned, ‘it won’t be too bad, you can – oh god’ 

Jade turned around to see what Beck was looking at. Jade saw that she and Beck had arrived in the school parking lot. She also saw that the moment they had done, an overzealous 9th grader had decided to shove Beck’s magazine and her entire chest on the windscreen of the car. 

‘Oh jeez, the paint’ Beck exclaimed. 

‘Goodbye Beck’ Jade said before she packed up her bags and headed towards the school. 

The water that flowed from the sink in the girl’s bathroom was nice and cool. Running it through her hands and then against her face helped Jade to quell the storm that was brewing inside her chest. She had tried too hard to slay the monster that lived inside of her, and she wouldn’t let that letter, the dinner or that stupid freshman ruin her efforts. Not today. She just had to find a way to stay in control. Jade counted to ten, she took deep breaths, and she focused on the water until she managed to calm down enough to make it to her first class of the day. 

Jade made her way to Sikowitz’s class. Much to the irritation of Jade’s female classmates, a seat had been saved for Jade next to Beck. It can’t have been easy keeping them away. Jade wondered if Beck had been trying to score points to convince her to join him for the dinner. Even if that were the case, she appreciated the effort. 

‘About before,’ Beck said as Jade sat down. 

‘It’s fine’ Jade said, staying mad was more effort than letting it go anyway.

Class began with a predictably peculiar entrance from Sikowitz. The man walked into the classroom looking dishevelled. A pile of messy papers were stacked up to his head and sitting above those was a precariously balanced coconut. Before long, Sikowitz tripped over his own foot, and the coconut almost hit the ground too. Luckily for him, perfect Vega picked the fruit up before it could spill all over the carpet. 

‘Hmm,’ Sikowitz said in place of a thank you as he picked up the coconut and ignored the papers entirely. ‘Before we start class, a bit of housekeeping. Firstly, if anyone happens to come across my pineapple boxer shorts, they are missing. They were last seen in the mouth of a goat outside the boy’s locker room if that is of any assistance to you.’ 

It was not. 

‘Secondly, the school administration has informed me that as you are now in the tenth grade, you are permitted, nay, encouraged to put forth any ideas you may have for your school productions, be they musicals, plays, um…’ Sikowitz glanced at Robbie. ‘Quirky comedy acts, regardless, if you want to participate, take one of the many papers that are now strewn on the floor. Now, without further ado, let’s get to the learning!’ 

Now, this perked Jade up! Finally, this would be a chance for her to show the world her talents. No longer would Jade be reduced to the sugar pop stage productions their school usually produced. She could make something real, something that meant something. 

The day of classes continued, but Jade didn’t pay too much attention to the learning. She would pick it up later, she assumed and anyway, she had more important things to worry about. Soon, Sikowitz’s class ended and bio began. Jade was pretty sure the teacher was trying to explain something about recessive genes, but Jade didn’t even pretend to care about it. Instead of writing down the assigned work, Jade opened a word document and began writing. 

Jade was never really sure of what would come out the other end when she started to write. Sometimes she had a general plan, but for the most part, the finished product had far more to do with whatever was on her mind than the scaffold she had drafted in the beginning, and sometimes, she just let her brain run free. The class continued as Jade fingers danced along the keys. Pretty soon Bio ended, and then third period began, then fourth and so on. Jade wrote about betrayal and deceit. She wrote of trickery and heartbreak. As the intensity of Jade’s writing increased, she started banging harder against the keys. Eventually, the energy Jade put into her words became too much for her to contain in the keyboard and Jade found herself needing something more to do with her hands, so her left one found its way to her pocket as she continued to write. The characters were in major distress now. They didn’t know how they would escape their fate, they were unsure if anything would get them out of the hell they had put themselves in, and Jade was unsure if she would ever stop writing. She pressed down on the keys harder and harder, and into her pocket too, when she had lost touch with reality entirely, Jade felt a short tap on her shoulder and...

RIP!

Jade looked down and saw what she had done to the envelope in her pocket. 

‘Jadey?’

Cat looked at Jade like she had just dribbled on her own collar.

‘Is that… Your dad’s’ 

Jade looked at her lap again. How long had that thing been in her hands? How can she not have noticed? 

‘It’s okay Jade’ Cat insisted, ‘we can fix it! Here, ill get it to the…’ 

Jade pulled the envelope back from Cat’s grasp. ‘What makes you think I care Cat?’ 

‘I…’ 

‘Actually, how do you even know who wrote… have you been reading my mail?” 

‘What? No! Jade, I’ 

‘Whatever’ Jade said. ‘I don’t care.’ 

The school bell rang, and Jade gathered her belongings and headed out the door. Her body was the tensest it had been all day and her heart was pounding in her chest. Jade just prayed that nothing more would happen to irritate her further. If it did, she didn’t know if she could take it. Jade charged through the school, to her locker and out the door. She made her way to Beck and shoved her way into his car without saying hello. 

‘Keen then’ Beck commented, and initially, Jade had no idea what he was talking about. But then Beck’s mom called him on his phone and Jade realised what he meant.  
Shit. 

This wasn’t the first time Jade had seen Beck’s house. She’d viewed it many a time in fact, but knowing that she would actually be stepping inside made the building seem far more intimidating than it ever had done before. The doormat indicated to Jade that she was welcome, but Jade wasn’t sure that the people inside shared the same sentiment. Perhaps it wasn’t too late for her to turn around. Maybe she could just head over to the RV and get Mr and Mrs Oliver to deliver her something. Better yet, she could say she was feeling unwell, and ask to be driven home.

‘Beck, I’ 

‘Don’t even think about it’ he said as if reading her mind. 'We’re going, and you’ll be fine.'

Beck’s parents opened the door before Beck got his key out. They were dressed nicely, polo shirt on the dad, and a nice dress on the mom. Jade wondered if this was what they wore every day, or if they had put it on especially. Jade realised after looking at them how she must have appeared. She’d figured she would have washed off all of her makeup in the bathroom that morning, and when Mrs Oliver looked at her face, Jade wished she would have taken out a piercing or two. The woman in front of Jade smiled warmly. 

‘I’m Lynn’ she said. ‘And this is my husband, Bernard.’

Bernard stretched his hand out in greeting, and Jade promptly grabbed it and shook. 

‘Firm grip’ Bernard assessed. ‘Good.’ 

Figuring that this was the custom, Jade stretcher her hand out to Lynn as well, but Lynn pushed it aside and pulled Jade into a tight embrace. 

‘Wait no!’ Beck insisted, ‘Jade doesn’t like to be…’

‘It’s fine’ Jade said, though it was difficult for her to get the words out with her teeth clenched so tightly. 

‘I’m a hugger’ Lynn explained, offering no apology. Just as Jade's teeth began to relax slightly, Lynn grabbed her hand, and her entire body tensed again. Lynn didn't seem to notice as she dragged Jade around the house.

‘This is the hallway.’ Lynn indicated. ‘And here is the bathroom, the living room, kitchen, and now the dining area. This is where you’ll be sitting. Please make yourself at home.’ 

Lynn and Beck both headed to the kitchen to finish preparing the meal, which left Jade and Bernard with only each other. The living room was decorated beautifully, they had what must have been their best silverware out, along with wine glasses filled with what looked like apple juice, and to top it all off, each seat was marked with named placeholders. Lynn had obviously put a lot of work into this. Far more work, Jade thought, than a single day’s preparation would have allowed for. Beck must have had this planned for a while. She would be talking to him later. 

‘You know you can sit down if you like’ Bernard said and Jade, having realised that she had just been standing there like an idiot decided to follow his advice.

Jade took a sip of her apple juice and she watched Bernard do the same with his wine. She glanced at the kitchen and saw that Beck and Lynn would still be a while, so she drank a little more. 

‘So do you like…’ 

‘So you go to…’ 

Bernard and Jade both let out awkward chuckles at their mutual social incompetence. Jade wondered if it was too late to join the touchy chatty parent. 

‘You go to school with Beck don’t you?’ Bernard said. ‘Must be nice.’ 

Jade didn’t think Bernard’s method of conversation was particularly enchanting, but she appreciated that he was trying to connect, so she humoured him with a polite  
‘Yeah’, and then the two were silent again. 

Jade and Bernard both let out sighs of relief when Lynn and Beck finally returned from the kitchen. Lynn was carrying what looked like a restaurant-quality meal. She carried two plates of the juiciest steak Jade had ever seen, alongside an assortment of oven-baked vegetables and homemade gravy. 

‘Well’ she said, ‘eat up!’ and Jade didn’t need to be asked twice. 

The food tasted even better than it had looked. Jade engulfed almost half of it before Beck said 

‘good huh?’ and Jade remembered that she was supposed to do the same. 

‘Uhh yeah’ Jade said after she’d swallowed her enormous mouthful. ‘It’s delicious Lynn.’ 

‘I’m glad you like it’ Lynn said. 

As Jade’s stomach started to fill, and her eating slowed down, she became more aware of the way Beck’s mom was looking at her. She felt the woman’s gaze fly over her eyebrows, and her lips, and to her ears. Jade had been at enough dinners with her father to know what was coming next. She braced herself for defence. 

‘I used to have one of those’ Lynn said, as she tapped own eyebrow and then pointed at Jade's. 

Caught off guard, Jade couldn’t think of a reply other than ‘oh’. 

‘Yeah’ Lynn said, taking this as encouragement. ‘Back in my youth. I used to be cool, you know. Actually, let me get something!’ Lynn got up and walked briskly towards the living room. She returned moments later with a framed photo, which she handed Jade. Jade examined the photo which contained a young woman in her 20s. She had a dazzling mullet paired with fingerless gloves, and as Lynn had assured, a pierced eyebrow. She was kind of cool. 

‘Nice’ Jade said. 

‘I know!’ Lynn agreed. ‘I know we’ve only just met, but you remind me of myself, Jade. Trust our Becky to pick a girl just like his old mom!’ 

Lynn ruffled his son’s hair, causing him to turn bright red. Jade relaxed a little when the target of the humiliation was brought onto him rather than her, and she started eating with more confidence than before. 

‘So what’s your talent then?’ Lynn asked. ‘Pretty girl like you, you must be a singer right? Or an actor like our Beck?’ 

‘I like to sing’ Jade said, ‘and act, but my real passion is for the stuff behind the scenes you know? Like the writing and directing. That’s what I want to do when I leave here.’ 

‘Well, I think that’s wonderful!’ Lynn said. 

‘Agreed’ Said Bernard, ‘you’re a smart girl. You can get some real money there, plus you don’t get the press breathing down your neck so much. Guess you’d know a little about bad media coverage huh?’ 

Media coverage? Did he mean…

Lynn not so casually kicked her husband in the shins after that. 

‘Dessert?’ 

Jade tried not to let Bernard’s words bother her too much. After all, it was far from the first jab Jade had heard about her father and it surely wouldn’t be the last. It wasn’t like she didn’t agree with what the media was saying either, he was the worst. She thought… Either way, she wouldn’t let him ruin any more of her day. Jade vowed to continue the dinner as planned. 

Dessert was delicious as was predicted, and under the watchful eye of Lynn, Bernard made no more passive-aggressive remarks. Jade ended up genuinely enjoying herself, and she felt almost sad to go. 

‘I do hope you’ll come back again’ Lynn said, ‘into the main house I mean. Not only for you dear, but it’s also so nice to spend some time with our Becky for a change.’  
Jade chuckled at this, ‘don’t you live with him?’ 

‘Oh yes, I suppose’ Lynn agreed, ‘but he’s mostly just in that little van of his. Oh, I’m sorry darling, RV. I really only see him when he’s taking out his meals actually.’ 

‘And when you come to my amazing shows!’ Beck added. 

‘Yes, that too.’ 

‘He’s a teenager love’ Bernard explained, ‘they’re always a little too cool for their parents.’ And then Lynn and Bernard kissed. Jade knew she should have been grossed out by it. If Beck’s gagging was any indication, he certainly was, but when Jade looked at the two of them, she found herself deeply fascinated. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen two adults show affection so openly and honestly. 

Beck walked Jade out the door and drove her home. They sat in a comfortable silence as Jade contemplated the events of the evening. 

‘They’re so embarrassing and overbearing!’ Beck exclaimed. ‘They’re the worst huh?’ 

‘No’ Jade said. ‘I don’t think they are.’ 

In the days after Jade’s introduction to Beck’s parents, she found that she didn’t feel as angry anymore. A new feeling washed over her, one that she couldn’t quite explain, but it was less explosive, so the tension that surrounded her and Beck decreased. Beck took the more relaxed atmosphere as an excuse to ramp up the flirting again. When Jade stopped reminding him, he forgot to introduce her. He not only tolerated, but seemed to take joy in the junior’s infatuation with him, and one morning when Beck pulled up to Jade’s doorstep, she found two other passengers were already in the back seat. 

The more Jade thought about it, the more it clicked. Everything in Beck’s life revolved around him. He had doting parents who loved him, a string of fangirls at school, and a girlfriend who adored him. A girlfriend who up until that point would slaughter anyone else who dared to care for him as much as she did. It wasn’t Beck’s fault, that was just his role. But Jade came to another realisation too. Filling the role of the doting girlfriend to a boy who was more in love with himself than anyone was not good for her. It made her jealous, and spiteful, and angrier than she ever wanted to be, and the more Jade thought about it, the surer she was. She was done. 

Jade told Beck of her realisation the next morning before school. He was sadder than Jade thought had would have been, and there were more tears than Jade had been prepared for. Beck asked to be alone after that, and Jade thought that was a good idea too, so she got out her favourite pair of scissors, and some dodgy boxes, and opened the door to the janitor's closet. 

It took Cat only 20 minutes to find her. 

‘I’m sorry’ Cat said.

‘It's not your fault’ Jade replied and then she patted a spot on the ground for Cat to sit. Cat placed some rubbish on the floor in front of Jade, but she shook her head. She wasn't really in the mood for that. No, when Jade thought about everything that had happened lately, she just wanted to... To...

'Oh Jade' 

Jade fell into Cat’s embrace and let herself cry. She almost felt embarrassed about the amount of water and snot that was accumulating on Cat's collar, but Cat didn't seem to care. Cat stroked Jade's hair and nuzzled her neck until the tears subsided, and then when Jade was finished, Cat let her sit by her side in silence until Jade felt like she could breathe again. 

‘I love you, you know?’ Cat asked, and Jade nodded. 

‘I don’t know if this is the right time’ Cat admitted, ‘but I fixed this.’ Cat placed a piece of paper on the floor. It had clearly been ripped in half and sticky taped back together. 

‘That’s’ 

‘The letter, yeah’ Cat explained. ‘Would you like to read it?’ 

There was a part of Jade that did want to. It had been bugging her for a while now, and she would love to just be rid of the damn thing, but still, she…

‘I can’t’ Jade said. 

‘Then, do you want me to?’ Cat asked, and Jade nodded and let her read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry! This is an inexcusably late chapter. For many reasons, life got in the way. In the future, you absolutely are allowed to nag me if you are still reading this story. If you are not, that's cool too, but thank you all for your readership so far and for your feedback.


	20. Chapter 20

Jade couldn’t believe how stupid she had been. How could she have not thought about it sooner? She grabbed her things, and Robbie and drove as quickly as she could to the place Cat used to call home.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jade’s mouth felt so dry as she waited for Cat to read. She tried to swallow to relieve the tension that had built up in her throat, but it didn’t work. The only thing that was left to do was to wait for Cat to begin, so she nodded, giving Cat the permission.

‘Jade’ Cat began, ‘I’ve been trying to reach you. It is regrettable that we lost touch. I am particularly troubled by the circumstances of our estrangement. Regardless, I am writing to inform you that Peta and I are to be married in the spring. I hope you will attend. Regards, Richard West (dad).’

Jade looked at Cat expectantly and waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. Wait, was that it? 

‘That’s it?’ 

Jade snatched the letter from Cat’s hand and read over it herself. That was it, everything Cat had just read was right there on the page. Perhaps there was more on the back? No… Jade picked up the envelope and checked to see if anything had been left inside, but again, it was entirely empty. 

‘I… Richard went to all that trouble to invite me to a wedding?’ Jade was dumbfounded. 

‘His wedding’ Cat clarified. 

‘Yeah.’ Jade had spent weeks agonising over this. ‘He called three different relatives to make sure I knew about this.’ 

‘It’s… A little unusual’ Cat observed. Unusual… That was one word for it. This letter could have been Richard’s one chance at reconciliation, or alternatively the moment that solidified their estrangement. Instead… The absurdity of the situation hit Jade like a ton of bricks, and in that moment the only thing she could do was break into a smile. 

‘Richard hates my relatives’ Jade said. ‘He can’t stand them, and yet he decided to call three because he thought it was so important that his daughter – the daughter who denounced him in court mind you, knew about his engagement to his bimbo redneck girlfriend.’ Jade didn’t know if it was the emotional rollercoaster she had been through that day, or the janitor’s cleaning fumes getting to her, but either way, this entire affair felt rather comical to her, so she started to giggle. 

‘The very same daughter’ Cat added, while she giggled herself, ‘who almost lost said bimbo’s dog a few months ago.’

Jade started laughing harder when Cat mentioned that. ‘Oh my god, I forgot about that! And the same person who destroyed his precious house’ 

‘And vase’ Cat added. 

‘Thank you very much for that kitty Cat!’ 

‘Kitty Cat?’ Both of the girls burst into cackles at Jade’s uncharacteristic use of the cutesy nickname. Pretty soon, that cackling turned into guttural laughter; the kind that makes your stomach hurt. It went on forever too. As soon as Jade stopped laughing, Cat would make a face that would start her back up again, and vice versa. If it weren’t for the angry janitor claiming that he needed his mop, neither Jade nor Cat may have ever left that closet. Not wanting this rare feeling to go away, Jade insisted that Cat join her for dinner that evening too so they continued talking and laughing as they walked into Jade’s house that night.

Jade heard rustling coming from the kitchen when she arrived home. She proceeded with caution into the room, really not feeling up for a heart-to-heart with Helen, but thankfully, it was just Patrick trying and mostly failing to get the last dregs out of a bottle of Ice magic. Still with his head upside down, and the bottle over his eye, Patrick saw the pair and asked 

‘Hey, where’s Beck’, but Jade didn’t answer him. Cat could stay back and answer that question if she wanted to, but the only thing Jade wanted to do was put her head on her pillow and relax. Soon after Jade settled into bed, she heard Cat enter the room with two of what Patrick knew were her favourite candies.

‘He’s a good boy’ Cat commented as she stretched out an arm to hand Jade her chocolate bar. Jade nodded and attempted to take the candy from Cat’s hand, but at the last second, Cat snatched it back and held it protectively to her chest. 

‘Hey!’ 

Cat broke out into a cheeky grin as she ran across the room with the two chocolate bars. Jade was in close pursuit, but Cat was surprisingly scrappy. The two girls took three laps of Jade’s bedroom before Jade took a dive for the treats in Cat’s hand, so Cat jumped up onto the bed with her arms up to keep the treats away from Jade. Cat had obviously forgotten how much shorter she was than her friend because the minute Jade joined her on the bed, she had her pinned by the wrists from above. Cat looked up with her friend with her eyes wide and trace like. When Jade saw the look on her face, she couldn’t help but stare. The two of them stayed like this for some time, until Jade remembered herself, took the chocolate from Cat and sat up on the bed cross-legged. 

Seeing that the puppy dog eyes were already starting, Jade decided to take pity and to give the chocolate that had been intended for Cat back to her.

‘You’re so nice Jadey’ Cat said as she chewed.

‘Yeah, well… Don’t tell anyone’ Jade demanded. 

The girls fell into a comfortable silence as they laid on the bed with their heads to the ceiling.

‘Are you going to write your father back?’ Cat asked. 

‘No’ Jade replied, ‘I think I’m done.’ 

‘But are you sure? Because…’

‘No’ Jade said, ‘I’m sure.’ There wasn’t a hint of anger in Jade’s voice when she said that. This was the way things were now, and it wasn’t ideal, but it was okay. Well actually, it wasn’t okay, but she accepted it. Jade felt herself letting go of many things in her life that weren’t ideal, and it helped. Helen was far easier to manage when Jade stopped trying to change her, and school was okay too. Granted, it was a little awkward at lunch. Jade chose to sandwich herself between Cat and Andre to avoid too much contact with Beck, but that would get better soon, right? Probably, eventually. Either way, she accepted things for the way they were and felt better for it. So much better, in fact, that when Hannah asked her 

‘How would you feel about taking a break from therapy for a while?’ that Friday, Jade found herself answering 

‘Yeah’. 

Strangely enough though, as Jade got better, Cat got stranger. Her talk about her brother increased tenfold. So much so that Jade had to fill her schoolbag to the brim with distraction toys. Jade was used to Cat being a little tangential, she would often stumble upon the subject of her brother and require help to whisk herself away, but at this stage, it was a borderline obsession. She didn’t live with him anymore, did she? How did she have so many stories?

But that wasn’t the only thing Cat became obsessed with. It started one night with Cat replacing the usual Broadway bootleg for a DVD of Matilda. Jade was glad for it initially, she liked Matilda, only it didn’t end there. Every night they would hang out, Cat would request a movie with the same sort of theme. It was broken families, mistreatment, and violence. Usually, exactly what Jade would prefer, but from Cat, it just seemed… out of character. 

This would have been forgiven though if Cat’s newfound morbid interest ended on the screen. Unfortunately for her friends though, it did not. Cat drove Robbie wild with questions about his grandmother. Andre was far more patient with the girl, but even he was getting frustrated. Cat tended not to notice when she was pushing people too far, but it was very clear to everyone else.

But all of that paled in comparison to what Cat did when she was alone with Jade. 

‘But was he always this bad?’

‘When did you start to notice him becoming so like cold? Like maybe there were signs or something you could have looked out for? Maybe even a turning point where things could have gotten better, and…’ 

‘Cat!’ Jade yelled. ‘Oh my god, you are hard to be around sometimes. I do not want to talk about this again. I am telling you to stop, and if you don’t, I don’t think I can be held responsible for what will happen after that. Do. You. Understand?’ 

Cat nodded to indicate that she had heard, but it was clear that she hadn't really.

‘So do you want to –‘ 

‘No! I don’t want to watch another one of your weird movies, just… Just go to sleep.’ 

Cat couldn’t help it, Jade knew that, but she didn't know how much more of this she could take. She was inches away from ruining her new zen image, and she didn't think her friends were that far off from exploding themselves. Plus with her track record, there was a part of Jade that was concerned. All teenagers go through a period of a little angst, Jade reasoned, and Cat shouldn’t be exempt from that just because of her sunny exterior, but Cat wasn’t like everyone. Cat was Cat, and Jade needed to be blunt with her. Jade asked Cat 

‘Are you cutting again?’ 

in place of a good morning the next day.

‘What?’ Cat asked, looking shocked, but when she realised what had been asked of her, she said no. It wasn't the most convincing performance Jade had ever seen, but Jade really wanted to believe her, and Cat's outfits had been relatively seasonally appropriate lately, so she supposed she must have been telling the truth. 

‘Okay.’ 

It was awkward after that. Cat had usually been the one to fill the awkward silence, but she had been yelled at the night before. Jade figured she wasn't entirely sure what she was allowed to talk about. Jade decided that school would be a safe option.

‘So I’ve been thinking about what I could submit to Sikowitz’ Jade said, ‘I really want to produce my own play.’ 

‘Oh!’ Cat exclaimed immediately perking up, ‘you could write about your dad!’ It was then that Cat realised her mistake and immediately cupped her hands to her mouth, as if to push the words back in. Jade pitied her sometimes, imagining what it must be like to have such little self-control. 

'It's okay' she said before Cat had a chance to apologise. 'I think it's a good idea.' 

As it turned out, there was a little good that came out of Cat's new special interest. With Jade working on it day and night, she had an entire script printed and ready for Cat only days later. In a way, it had been a nice process. The story was fictional, but it came from somewhere real. Every word on the page had been circling around Jade's head for a while, and it was nice that the thoughts had a place to live now. A place Jade could put down when she felt like it. In other ways, it had been really difficult. Even the advanced mellow Jade wasn't perfect. Jade was quite sure that her family would be happy for her to be finished with this production so that they no longer have to face the wrath of Jade's trauma-induced grumpiness. In the end though, Jade was pretty sure that she had produced something good, and she knew that Cat would agree when she looked at it too. Or at least, she was pretty sure.

Cat’s facial expression remained blank as she turned the pages and she made no noise apart from the occasional sigh. She was completely unreadable for the first time ever, so when she finally put the script down, Jade was practically pulling her hair out with anticipation. Strangely though, Cat's feedback didn't come. Instead, she muttered 

'Excuse me' 

And headed straight to the bathroom.

‘Uhh Cat?’ 

What was she doing in there? Was she freaking out? Having one of her signature meltdowns? The content of Jade’s story had been particularly dark this time, even for her. Jade had figured she’d be okay with it because those kinds of stories had been all she’d talked about lately, but maybe not. Jade couldn’t hear any crying… The fan was on so that muffled a lot, but Cat had never been that quiet, Jade figured she’d be able to hear her if Cat really was in trouble. 

Then what, did she hate it? Was she hiding out in the bathroom because she didn’t want to face confronting Jade with the fact that her play sucked? Well, screw her! Not just for hating her work, but for being so cowardly too. She should knock the door down and storm in. No, she shouldn’t. Should she? 

Jade’s fist was left hovering over the doorknob as the bathroom door swung open. When Cat saw her and smiled, but still said nothing, Jade almost pulled out her hair, and let out an exasperated 

‘What?’ 

Cat walked silently into Jade’s bedroom and sat on the bed. She tapped the side of the mattress to encourage Jade to do the same. 

‘Can I play her?’ she asked, ‘The girl in the well?’

‘You… What?’ 

‘When you show this to people, can you let me, can I have the role? I know she’s fictional, but, I just really feel like I need to play her. Please?’ 

She didn’t…

‘You didn’t hate it?’ 

‘What? No!’ Cat took Jade’s hands in her own, reassuring her. ‘It’s the best thing I’ve ever read.’ 

Jade practically bounced into Sikowitz’s office when Cat provided her with the feedback she had been so desperately craving. Unfortunately though, she soon found out that not everyone would be so complementary.

‘What do you mean disturbing?’ Jade asked. ‘It’s beautiful, and it’s art, and Sikowitz said that I could’ 

‘Mr Sikowitz may have spoken to rashly’ Eikner said. ‘There are sensitive students at this school. I can’t very well go ahead and expose them to…’

‘But if you would just let me –‘ 

‘Jade’ Eikner said, putting on his stern voice. ‘This matter has been discussed. You are welcome to continue talking, but I am letting you know that if you do so, you might be gifted with another afternoon detention. Is that clear?’ 

If Jade hadn’t been trying to uphold her newly Zen demeanour, she might have just shown the principle just how she felt about his stuffy attitude, but she wasn’t trying to get expelled. Instead, she marched right up to the janitor’s closet and got to work on one of the plastic garbage cans. Jade hoped the cleaning chemicals in the janitor’s closet might numb the pain a little, but so far, they were only giving her a headache. 

‘Want some company?’ 

Cat came in and sat down beside Jade, sharing in commiseration. 

‘If it makes you feel any better’ Cat said, ‘I showed your script to the gang, and they think it’s really great’. Cat then gestured for the said gang to come inside, and pretty soon the whole group was crammed into the janitor’s closet with them. Fantastic. 

‘If the school won’t let me do my play, then who cares if it’s good?’ Jade asked. She threw a piece of the ex-bin on the floor in frustration. 

‘Well, why don’t you just produce the play yourself?’ Cat asked. It was a good idea, but idealistic and expensive. It was no use even thinking about unless someone could… 

‘Well’ Tori said, ‘it’s shouldn’t be that hard to put up the money.’

Hang on, had jade just heard that correctly? ‘You’d really find me someone to put up the money? To produce my play?’ 

‘I mean that… hey!’ 

Now, this was something that Jade could work with. Maybe Tori could find some modern-day saint to take pity on a hopeful thespian, or maybe she’d fail, and Jade would get to pin the failure solely on Tori’s shoulder. Either way, it was a win, win!

Or maybe not. When Jade first heard the news that Tori had found someone to fund her she had been over the moon. To think she would get the chance to tell her story and really stick it to her dad in the process. But then she met the middle-aged philanthropist.

Jade had been happy with her play. It was perfectly crafted by her. Every line of dialogue, every stage direction lighting choice had been expertly created so that she could tell her story the way it was supposed to be told. But this lady took one look at her script and started butchering it. First, it was a few lines of dialogue, then she tried to suggest a song, and worst of all was when she decided that the play required a runty little brat to star as the girl in the well's angel.

This play was supposed to be dark, and uncomfortable, and to mean something, and this cow was ruining it! And confusing Cat.

‘Why is my character’s angel telling me to fly up out of this well?’ 

‘Because’ Jade answered, ‘the angel’s mother is a -’

‘Nice lady who is paying for this play.’ 

Jade glared at Tori. She’d been doing a lot of that over this production process. Jade was annoyed! Annoyed by Mrs Lee, annoyed by Tori’s presence, and annoyed even more by how much she needed the girl to stay. Jade realised that if she didn’t have any intervention, she probably would have been incarcerated by now. Jade knew she would be grateful. She was lucky to have a play at all, and anyway, having her ideals crushed by the people at the top with the money was probably her best introduction to Hollywood. It seemed wrong, but it was what it was, so post-therapy Jade played along. She prepped what she could prep and directed Cat best she could. Jade even did a little Marketing, and before long, she had a pretty decent audience. This was where her trouble really began. It was Robbie who accidentally broke the news to Jade. 

‘I’ve been going over the seating chart’ He said, ‘I’ve sat your parents in the front row in the middle here the for the first night, just to make sure they get the best view.’ 

‘Sure, okay.’ Jade wasn’t sure she really wanted her family to see what her play had become after Mrs Lee’s alterations, but the new and improved Jade let things go. ‘I’ll just be sure to hand Patty some earplugs for the little rat’s performance.’ 

‘Oh no’ Robbie Clarified, ‘your brother is coming on the second night. These seats are for your other parents.’ 

‘I don’t have any other – Give me that’ 

Jade grabbed the seating chart from Robbie who winced in the corner from the contact. Low and behold, seated front and centre were Richard West and Peta. How dare - Jade scrunched up the paper into a ball, threw it on the ground and stormed out of that room. 

‘Jade wait’ 

Jade had almost made it out of the school when Cat turned her around. She held the crumpled piece of paper in her hand. 

‘He shouldn’t have bought a ticket’ Jade said. ‘Not answering his letter or calls should have made it clear enough that I never wanted to talk to him. I’ll tell the school board. I can probably get mom to make a call to say that - ’

‘Wait, you don’t want him there?’ Cat asked. ‘But I thought…’ 

‘Of course, I don’t want him there! Cat he’s evil! He hates creativity, and me, and everything I stand for, so –‘

‘Then why would he come?’ 

Jade wasn’t sure about that one. To make himself look good? To fool his new fiancée into believing he’s a good father?

‘Not for the reason you think’ was what Jade settled on. 

‘Okay, but are you really going to turn him away?’ Cat asked, ‘I mean this play is about him right? Even if he didn’t come for the reason you wanted, don’t you want him to see it?’ 

‘I…’ 

Jade had to think about that one. Cat had a point, Jade had put a lot of effort into communicating exactly how she felt about her father in that play, but what the play had become was… 

‘Not like this’ 

‘Don’t worry’ Cat said. ‘I think I can sort something out. 

Cat was brilliant after that. She single-handedly organised for her friends to pull a major diversion to keep Mrs Lee away from the play and to allow Jade to tell her story the way it was supposed to be told. She organised extra rehearsals when the Lees weren’t around to make sure they had their blocking and lighting correct, and on top of all that, she put all of her efforts into making the well girl as good as she could be. It was truly amazing. When opening night came, the show went off without a hitch. The stage looked exactly as Jade had imagined it in her head, if not better, and Jade knew that even if her dad hated the play, she wouldn’t care. Because she knew it was good. Tori however, was far less patient. 

‘Just say whether you liked it or not!’ 

And Richard looked at his daughter with the same stern superiority as he always had done, but he admitted ‘I thought it was excellent.’ And Jade decided it was nice to hear anyway. 

Then Cat walked out. She was showered with so much praise and so many flowers that Jade could barely even get to her at first, but she could wait. Cat deserved it. She had been excellent, she was excellent. Jade had never heard her father compliment her before in her life, but there he was telling her she’d done a good job and that was all Cat’s work. Jade had to thank her, to tell her how much her work meant to her, but… not here. 

When she had surfed her way through the crowd, Jade grabbed Cat’s arm and hoisted her backstage. The crew were still packing away their supplies, so Jade decided they’d be better off in the supply closet. As soon as the door was closed, Jade enveloped her friend in the tightest hug she had ever given her. 

‘You were good’ she said, ‘you were so good I just love… Loved that performance, you were fantastic.’ 

‘Well’ Cat blushed, ‘it’s all your writing.’ 

‘No it isn’t’ Jade said. She looked at her friend and her friend looked at her. She was so beautiful in her outfit, even in this musty and dusty room. Jade pulled a strand of hair behind Cat’s ear.

‘Cat, have I ever told you that…’ 

The buzz of Cat’s phone shocked both of the girls, forcing them to take a step back from each other.

‘It’s my aunt’ Cat said. ‘I should go… I think we spend too much time in the closet.’ 

‘Uhh, okay’ Jade said, still standing in the dark. ‘Bye.’ 

Cat was right after all, they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! 
> 
> Sorry, it has been a while since I have posted, however! This story is almost finished, I can feel it in my bones. 
> 
> Also, just a quick note for everyone who is worried, I have always planned for this story to be gay, so do not fret.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for self-harm and suicide. Also a warning for some pretty intense homophobia.

The grass outside Cat’s house was longer than Jade had ever seen it before. The mailbox was once again overflowing, and the minute she started walking towards the door, Jade was overwhelmed by one of the most putrid odours she had ever smelled. Robbie clearly thoughts so too. From behind her, Jade could hear him gagging and heaving. 

‘Ugh, what is this place? Jade, why did you bring me here?’ 

‘It’s her house’ Jade said, ‘her old house. Now shut up for a second, I want to see if anyone is home.’ 

Jade tried to ring the doorbell, but it was clearly disconnected from the power, so she instead knocked gingerly. ‘Hello?’ No response. She knocked again, a little harder this time and again, nothing. Jade tried her luck with the doorknob, and much to her relief, the door was unlocked. 

‘Oh my god’ 

If Jade had thought the smell had been bad outside, it was ten times worse on the inside. Turning on the hallway light gave her a pretty good indication as to why. Just in the front foyer, Jade could see how dirty the house was. It was covered in cobwebs and grime. The place clearly hadn’t been vacuumed for months. Years, maybe, and if this was just the hallway, there was surely far worse still to come. 

‘Cat?’ 

Nobody was responding. This house could have easily been abandoned. After all, Jade had been led here only by a hunch. Either that, or Cat was somewhere in this house too engrossed in whatever she was doing to respond. Jade wasn’t sure which outcome she wanted more in that moment. Jade turned to Robbie who was holding his breath in the doorway and trying his best not to look at the ceiling. When Jade looked up herself, she soon realised why. It was packed full of spiders. 

‘Come on’ Jade said, ‘we have to search the house to find out if she’s here.’ 

‘You want me’ Robbie clarified, ‘to go further into this house?’ 

Jade rolled her eyes, but dragged Robbie in with her anyway. Broken furniture was littered everywhere. Jade and Robbie had to dodge and duck around broken pieces of wood and glass to get to the living room. When they got into the room, they saw the state it was in. What had once been the sofa was now just a mess of foam. The television was unplugged, and when they got to the kitchen, Jade and Robbie soon realised that wasn’t the only thing. 

What must have been months' worth of stewing rotting food escaped from the kitchen fridge, making the room a perfect breeding ground for cockroaches and rats. 

‘God, Jade, we have to...’ 

‘Yeah, we’ll go upstairs.’ 

Jade and Robbie left the kitchen as quickly as they could, which wasn’t very fast because of all the rubble they had to wade through, but they eventually got back to the hallway and headed upstairs. Even though the smell was better on the staircase, it certainly wasn’t a visual improvement. Robbie seemed to wrestle to find the best place to put his head. The ceiling was no good because of the spiders, but the floor wasn’t an improvement; The staircase itself was bloodstained and broken. Robbie settled for barely opening his eyes at all and he almost bowled Jade over twice on their way up. 

‘Cat, it’s me Jade!’ 

‘Nothing’ Robbie said. ‘Maybe we should just cut our losses and find a new place to -’ 

A faint rustling noise sounded from their left. 

‘Shut up a second’ Jade said. 

When everything was silent, Jade heard the faintest flapping noise coming from what only could have been Cat’s hands. Robbie turned to Robbie before she followed the noise. 

‘Don’t follow me in, just listen at the door, and if you need to, call the police.’ 

‘Cat?’ 

Jade walked to Cat’s old room and gingerly opened the door. Cat didn’t respond, so Jade had a little look around. The room looked almost exactly the same as it had back when Jade was in ninth grade. A little cleaner perhaps, but otherwise, the same. Jade’s eyes scanned over Cat’s bed and saw some tiny pale feet. 

‘Baby girl’ 

Cat looked like hell. Her eyes were bloodshot, her shirt tearstained and her hair was mussy and disheveled. Cat’s hands were clasped together in her lap, tightly cupping something Jade couldn’t see. Jade tried to crawl in, but this caused Cat to retreat further, and to yell 

‘Stay back!’ 

So, Jade did as she was told and crouched just at the end of the mattress. 

‘Why did you... how did you find me?’ Cat asked. 

‘Just a hunch’ Jade said. ‘But why are you here Cat? It’s dangerous. The last time I was here with you, were...’ 

‘Being forced out’ Cat said. ‘Anyway, I didn’t think you’d find me.’ 

‘Clearly didn’t think I'd find this either’ Jade said, taking Cat’s letter out of her pocket and putting it on the floor. 

‘No’ Cat admitted. I really didn’t. 

…............................................................................................................................................................. 

_Jade's lips felt so soft against Cat’s. Her warm skin brushed against the crook of her neck, then down to her lower back, and then she moved in closer so that the girl’s chests were perfectly aligned. Cat thought she could stay here for hours and that nothing in the world would make her happier than this moment, but then Jade stepped back, and Cat saw that Jade was just the opposite of happy. The look on her face was more than just disgust. It was loathing, contempt._

_‘What the hell did you just do?’_

_‘Um... I...’_

_Cat tried to backtrack or to explain what she had done, but she had no explanation, no excuse. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed herself to act like that._

_‘Hey everyone’ Jade called, ‘come look at the dyke’_

_It wasn’t only Jade giving Cat that look now. Everyone in the school joined in – the students, the teachers, everyone. Cat retreated into a ball, put her hands over her ears and prayed for the world to go away, but it didn’t, and then Principal Eikner showed up too._

And then Cat woke up. 

__

Cat’s alarm clock read 5:00 AM. Not great, but better than it had been in the past. Cat knew from experience that she wouldn’t get back to sleep so pulled out her Pearphone and earbuds, and blocked out the sound of her thoughts with music. It’s just a dream, Cat reminded herself. You just need to remember the facts. Cat reached down under the mattress of her bed, and got out a list she’d made to remind herself what was true. 

__

Reasons I’m not Gay 

__

I like wearing dresses a lot 

__

I've had lots of boyfriends 

__

I think Beck is handsome kind of 

__

It's evil 

__

I don’t want to be 

__

__

Cat cursed herself for thinking those thoughts again. The thoughts had been easy enough to ignore in the day time, there were so many distractions then, but in the middle of the night, her mind betrayed her. It had been getting worse lately. Cat had had that same dream four times already this month, and she didn’t think it would get any better unless she did something to stop it, so Cat tucked the list back into the mattress and tried to think of something that would stop her from ever having to use it again. 

__

Maybe Cat could pray. Aunt Pearl had always said “if you ever find yourself met with temptation, pray, and the temptation will go away”. She’d tried that before, but Cat wasn’t very good at praying. She’d always find herself getting distracted and staring off into space. Then when she returned to prayer, she’d lose her place and have to start all over. No, that wouldn’t work. Cat needed something permanent to flush all of these thoughts and feelings away. She would need to find a man. The perfect man to shut her brain up. 

__

Aunt Pearl often liked to remind Cat not to be too prideful of her appearance. Cat wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but she did know that her looks really helped her to find a boyfriend, and that was good because there were lots of good things about getting boyfriends. Having a boyfriend meant that Pearl and Walter were happier, and they told Cat off less for fidgeting, or singing, or watching the same movie for the sixth time that week. But keeping boyfriends was much harder than getting them. 

__

Usually, it started off easy. Hugging boys was nice, kissing them was fine and having them feel up her breasts was mostly tolerable, but only when there were breaks between the affection. In the beginning, boys usually made time for dating, which meant they could do all sorts of fun things like watching movies or letting Cat talk about all the things she liked, but that didn’t happen as much when the relationship continued. Cat tried really hard to hide it, but the boys would always get upset with her when she tensed up when they kiss her with their too-wet lips. Then the relationship would end, and she’d have to find someone else. 

__

The boyfriend hunt was halted for the first part of tenth grade. Cat’s family, and Frankie in particular took up a lot of time and headspace, but that hadn’t mattered so much at first. There was so much going on that Cat could push the thoughts away without even having to kiss anyone, but then Cat let her guard down and almost slipped up in the supply closet, so she knew she had to try a little harder. 

__

Cat watched every romantic comedy she could find after that. She studied the characters and their interactions, hoping to find the key that would tell her what was wrong with the way she was doing boyfriends, and she found a pretty consistent pattern. What had once seemed so abstract to Cat could easily be transferred into three simple rules. 

__

Listen to what he wants to talk about 

__

Tell him he looks good 

__

When he leans in, kiss him back 

__

It’s just another role, Cat figured, and she was good at acting. Kissing was still gross, but dates never lasted forever, all Cat had to do was hold it together until she got home. Then she could do whatever she liked to calm down. She just had to be a little sneakier about that thing Jade didn’t like her doing. 

__

But Cat had to leave before it got too serious, because if it got too serious, then she had to have sex. Sex was weird. Cat thought the undressing part was okay as long as she didn’t have to look at anything for too long and the actual act was pretty boring. Cat filled in most of that time with daydreaming. The problem was that most of the boys insisted on kissing and cuddling afterwards, and some of them held her so tightly and for so long that Cat thought she might be crushed. The worst part of all was having to stay overnight. There were some pretty big meltdowns after those nights. 

__

The role of the girlfriend wasn’t the only one Cat played. There was also the student, the friend, the niece and of course all of the roles she played on purpose in her productions. Unlike her productions though, the real-life roles didn’t have a script. There were rules for sure, and Cat was able to figure out most of them on her own, but with so many people to play every day, it was tiring. 

__

Cat coped well enough in tenth grade, and into 11, but by her senior year, the roles got mixed up and messy. When she was tired, Cat would forget how to talk to her aunt and uncle, and she’d get into trouble for being rude. With all the work she had put into her evening dates, Cat would be spacy in school and at lunch, and her friends would get mad at her for ignoring them, and the stupid boys kept asking her if she was okay on their dates, which kept reminding Cat that she wasn’t. 

__

In senior year, when she broke up with Nathan, Cat decided on a new tact. She figured she didn’t necessarily have to date boys to remove the thoughts, she just had to replace her thoughts about girls with thoughts about boys, and what better way to do that than developing a crush. Robbie would be a good choice for this. He’d liked her since she started at the school, but if his nervous babbling was any indication, he wouldn’t do anything about it. He was safe, so Cat started spending more time with him. They would sing together, act together, she even agreed to go to a dance with him as her date. But then against everyone’s predictions, he did kiss her. And Cat hated it, so she ran away. 

__

It wasn’t fair. Why did she hate it? Robbie was a good guy, or, he was to her anyway. He adored her, he treated her well, Cat didn’t think he would ever make her do anything she didn’t want to do, so why couldn’t she like him like she was supposed to. Why couldn’t she like any of them? She’d tried this for almost four years. She had sacrificed her happiness, her time, and sometimes her schoolwork hoping to find someone that would make her brain like who she was supposed to, but it didn’t work. When Cat thought about it, there was only one person she’d ever wanted to do the things boyfriends and girlfriends do with each other. Cat had failed, and her mind had won. She gave up. 

__

The posters in Cat’s bedroom changed after that and her taste in television did too. Her screen was suddenly filled with all the things she had been avoiding up until that point, everything Pearl told her would ruin her mind and for the first time in her life, Cat really saw herself on TV. The people on the screen looked happy, and that made Cat thing that maybe she could be too. Maybe if she just explained to Pearl and Walter what she’d found. 

__

Six months into senior year, Pearl found Cat’s list, the one she’d made back in ninth grade. It was after a long day of school, and Cat was already so tired, she had no way of masking the guilt she felt when she saw it. 

__

‘So did you come to a decision?’ Pearl asked. ‘Did you convince yourself you weren’t’ she paused, struggling to say the word out loud. ‘Gay?’ 

__

‘Pearl, I-’ 

__

Cat tried to explain what she’d discovered, what she’d figured out in all those years, but it was really hard because Pearl didn’t have all that time to figure it out. She only had these few minutes, and that wasn’t enough. 

__

‘You have thirty minutes to pack.’ Pearl said calmly. ‘You’d better hope you leave before Walter gets back.’ 

__

And that’s when Cat made a home for herself at school, and when she fully gave up hope. 

__

…......................................................................................................................................................... 

__

‘Frankie’s too old to be forced into hospital’ Cat explained. ‘Not unless he’s dangerous. I come here to feed him sometimes. He hasn’t been back in a month or so now, hopefully the police have him or something, because...’ 

__

‘I don’t care about your brother’ Jade said, ‘I care about you. Cat, what you wrote in that letter... Why were you living in that cupboard anyway?’ 

__

‘Pearl and Walter kicked me out in July’ Cat explained. 

__

‘But why...’ 

__

‘Why do you think?’ Cat asked, and she looked at Jade the same way she had done when Pearl had caught them at the age of 15. 

__

‘I didn’t know how to handle it when I found out you hated me too’ Cat said. 

__

‘Cat I don’t...’ A wave of guilt rushed over Jade when she thought about the impact of what she had said that afternoon. She shuffled towards her friend slowly. ‘Cat, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...’ 

__

‘I said stay back!’ Cat yelled, and so Jade halted, but she was close enough to see the pile of pills that had been sandwiched between Cat’s hands. Jade’s heartrate started pounding in her chest. She had to do something... to tell her... 

__

‘You weren’t supposed to be here Jade’ Cat said, ‘you said I wanted attention but...’ 

__

‘I didn’t mean that, I was surprised.’ 

__

‘Then why were you so mad?’ 

__

Why had she been? Beck was right, Jade didn’t care if people were gay. People coming out had never been a big deal to her. She didn’t care, she didn’t until it was... And that’s when she realised. 

__

‘I was hurt. I was offended that when I tried to tell you... When I had the chance....’ Jade shuffled in a little closer to Cat then, and this time, she didn’t stop her. ‘Cat, I’ve loved you since ninth grade. I... You’re my best friend.’ 

__

Jade’s heart stopped beating, Cat’s seemed to as well, and then in slow-motion, and no time at all, Jade closed the rest of the distance between them, took the pills in Cat’s hands, and before Cat could do anything to stop it, the two of them were kissing. It was way better than Jade would have ever imagined. Cat’s skin was so soft, she was so warm, so comfortable, and in that moment, both girls forgot why they had been there in the first place. But then the police came in, and then the ambulance, and Jade would never forget the look on her Cat’s face when the man dragged her away. 

__

‘I’m sorry’ Jade said, but Cat refused to turn around and face her.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not worry, this is not quite the end. Please let me know what you think. I hope everyone is doing okay right now, I know the holidays are a little weird right now. Take care.


	22. Chapter 22

Jade pressed into the soft foam of the stuffed giraffe and watched as it slowly sprung back into place. She did this a few times over, and had to admit that she could understand the appeal. Putting pressure on the toy felt quite similar to giving someone a hug, and without the hassle of actually having to touch someone. It felt nice, but when Jade saw a nurse approaching from her periphery, she packed the toy back into her duffel. Toy cuddling seemed a private activity. 

‘Trying to protect your bad girl image?’ A woman Jade recognised as Piper asked. ‘I don’t know why you even bother trying to hide it anymore, I’ve seen Cat’s room, it’s fluffier than the kid’s section of Target.’ 

‘Stalker’ Jade accused and Piper smiled. ‘Can I see her?’ 

Instead of answering, Piper glanced behind Jade’s shoulder. Then, before she could turn around, Jade was assaulted with a familiar bone-crushing hug. 

‘SQUISHMALLOW!’ Cat screamed as she pulled the toy out of Jade’s bag and gave it an even tighter embrace. Cat barely acknowledged Piper as she headed back to her room to pack away her new possession. Jade supposed that she should follow. 

The squishmallow was placed on a shelf and situated in between about ten of its peers. It sat between a red panda and bumble bee. As she took a step back, Jade realised that the structure looked pretty similar to a pride flag. Did Cat know that? 

‘Colour coordinated?’ Jade asked. 

‘Alphabetical’ Cat clarified, nodding in appreciation of her work. She then turned around and finally acknowledged her company. ‘Thank you’ she said, as she took Jade’s hands into her own and placed a soft, appreciative kiss on her lips. This more than anything made all of Jade’s recent purchases worth the effort. 

Feeling some red hairs tickling her lips, Jade pushed Cat’s hair back behind her ears. Then, Jade’s hands naturally fell to the back of Cat’s head as the pair continued to kiss. Cat took the gesture as an invitation to deeper their affections and soon, what had started out as a tender peck deepened and intensified. It wasn’t until Cat’s tongue ghosted the bottom her lip that Jade’s brain caught up to her body and she gently pushed Cat away. 

‘Cat’ she said, ‘we’ve talked about this.’ 

‘Sorry’ Cat said, looking like a scolded schoolgirl. 

‘No, don’t do that!’ Jade urger her. 

Shit, Jade hadn’t meant for that. 

‘There’s no need to feel guilty. This is… I liked it too.’ 

‘Really?’ Cat asked. 

‘Yeah, just…’ 

Cat began to play with the hospital bracelet that was still affixed to her wrist. 

‘When I feel better?’ Cat asked. 

‘Yeah’ Jade said, and a small smile returned to Cat’s face. 

There was never a lot of light in the hospital room. In the darkness, Cat’s once shiny red hair was dull, and it was half full of brown regrowth anyway. Cat’s typical scent was masked by the smell of disinfectant and hospital soap, and she was wearing bunny slippers. Still, that little smile was killer. It took every ounce of Jade’s self-control to listen to Dr Wong’s suggestion and not tackle her then and there. 

‘Jade?’ 

Maybe he didn’t have to know? Maybe they could just… 

A knocking on the door saved both girls from whatever was about to happen. An elderly woman with bright red hair and flashy earrings opened the door and let herself in. She placed a gentle kiss on Cat’s head and acknowledged Jade with a nod. 

‘Hi honey, and Jade’. 

‘Hi Nona’ the girls replied in unison. 

‘I didn’t mean to interrupt’ Nona said, ‘just wanted to see my favourite girl. And her favourite girl’ 

Nona rustled Cat’s hair, and Cat smiled in return before she placed a little more distance between herself and Jade. 

‘Speaking of which’ Nona continued, choosing to ignore the tension, ‘have you told her yet?’ 

Cat shook her head no as a wide grin spread across her face. 

… 

Stuffing all of Cat’s belongings into Nona’s car proved quite the challenge. In addition to her enormous pile of sensory toys, gifted to her by Jade, Cat had accumulated quite a hefty supply of get-well gifts from her adoring peers and grandmother. 

‘You know, I can just meet up with you guys later’ Jade said, peering at the overpacked car, ‘let you both settle in?’ 

‘Nonsense’ Nona insisted. ‘Jade’ Nona put a hand on Jade’s shoulder and looked at her sternly. She waited for Cat to enter Nona’s passenger seat and close the door before she said ‘you’ve been more family to Cat in these past few years than her parents have in her life. Please stay.’ 

‘Okay’ Jade said, and she maneuvered around the boxes as best she could. 

Nona’s house was nice. A little vibrant, and kitsch for Jade’s taste, but homely. Cat seemed to think so. Her face visibly relaxed when she entered the building and she seemed like she couldn’t wait to make herself at home upstairs. Cat knew where to unpack every piece of her belongings and treated the place as if it was her second home. It seemed odd to Jade, considering she hadn’t heard anything about the woman until a few weeks prior. 

‘She’s gotten pretty frail in her old age’ Cat said, as if reading Jade’s mind. ‘Mom used the word senile. The older I got, the less I came, and then a few years ago when mom mentioned she’d moved to Venice…’ 

‘She failed to mention that it was the suburb rather than the city’ Nona explained. ‘Tea?’ 

The girls made their way to the kitchen to assist Nona. When they’d finished their snacks, Nona needed some assistance with the laundry, and then the gardening. Jade found herself playing the role of the perfect houseguest despite her disdain for duties and helping in general. Even though Nona released the girls when they were done with the weeding, Cat insisted that she wanted to keep helping out, and the thought of leaving Cat alone with a Valentine relative made Jade’s stomach crawl, so they fixed up the house together until well into the afternoon. 

‘Thank you’ Nona said, ‘such sweet girls you are.’ 

Sweet was not Jade’s favourite descriptor, but the smile that spread across Cat’s face helped her to hold her tongue and accept the compliment. 

‘So listen’ Nona said, ‘the pantry is completely bare, so I’m going to need to head out to the grocery store soon. Would you… Jade, will you be okay with… Or maybe you should come…’ 

Nona seemed flustered. 

‘We can entertain ourselves for a few hours Nona’ Cat suggested. ‘That is of course unless you need more help… I want to be helpful, so if there’s anything you need, I can…’ 

‘Shh, Nonsense’ Nona insisted. ‘Having you back with me is the best gift I could have asked for.’ The woman looked like she was about to cry, but she managed to supress her emotions. ‘Now! What do you want for dinner? It’s a Friday, so party night yeah? How about tacos?’ 

‘That sounds good’ Cat agreed. ‘That is, you know, if you want to stay Jade.’ 

‘Don’t be silly darling’ Nona argued, ‘of course Jade is staying, aren’t you honey?’ 

‘Uhh sure?’ Jade said as Nona nodded her head and headed out the door. 

‘TV?’ Cat asked. Jade nodded and followed her into the living room. She made herself comfortable on the sofa while Cat put a DVD in and joined her on the couch. Sarah-Michelle Gellar soon lit up the TV screen and the girls got settled. 

Although the episode was a good one, it seemed that neither of the girls were all that invested. Instead of watching the screen, Cat mostly played with her fingers or made herself busy with her PearPhone, and she shuffled way too much for Jade to focus on anything herself. 

‘Come on then’ Jade said, ‘what’s wrong?’ 

Cat did not answer. She instead continued squirming, indicating that Jade would have to play another one of her guessing games. 

‘Are you worried about school?’ Jade asked. 

Cat nodded. 

‘Well you’ll be fine’ Jade said, ‘I mean, the amount of school you’ve missed is so little. You can make up the homework and graduate on track with the rest of us.’ 

‘That’s not what I’m worried about’ Cat said. 

‘Then… What?’ 

Cat took a deep breath. 

‘What do I tell them about… My time away? Or what the doctors said, or…’ Cat looked intently at Jade. ‘You?’ 

‘Whatever you like’ Jade said. 

‘Okay’ Cat said, ‘they’re nice right, they won’t think I’m weird?’ 

Jade couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Cat look behind you, what do you see.’ 

‘Toys’ Cat said. 

‘Yes’ Jade agreed, ‘what else?’ 

‘Cards, and flowers, and boxes of chocolates’ 

‘All given to you by people who love you’ Jade insisted. ‘Because everybody does. Okay?’ 

‘Okay.’ 

… 

Jade drove Cat to school that Monday in virtual silence. She was thankful that driving gave her an excuse to focus on the road because she didn’t know how she would have coped with the tension otherwise. Cat was way past anxious. Not one of her toys would have been enough to ease her worries about starting school again (Jade had tried) and when Jade arrived in the parking lot, she wondered if their entire day would be spend sitting in that car waiting to go in. Perhaps Cat needed not to be given a choice. 

‘You’re going to be okay’ Jade said. She got out, and walked to the passenger side of the car before she added ‘Come on, I’ll help you out.’ 

Jade reached out for Cat’s hand and Cat allowed her to take it. It was pretty awkward locking the car and swinging her bag over her shoulder with only one hand free, but Jade refused to let go when Cat offered. She would not be letting go today. 

And so, she didn’t. Jade didn’t let go of Jade’s hand when they walked down the hallways of the school, even though, the whispers and rumours that she overheard made her want to punch the perpetrator’s faces in, she didn’t let go when she made her way to class, even though the biology teacher made some stupid comment about how Cat should “take it easy” very loudly which also made Jade want to punch her face in, and she didn’t let go when she and Cat met their friends for lunch, even though the sight of everyone staring seemed to make Cat want to run for the hills. 

Nobody really spoke at first. Mostly, people just kept on staring. Perhaps Jade had made the wrong choice in joining them all for lunch Cat’s first day. She could just take her to the music room, and… 

‘Come on now’ Rex said, breaking the silence, ‘when are we going to address the elephant in the room? Or rather, the perky redhead who just got out of the loony bin?’ 

‘Rex!’ The doll was soon shushed by its operator, but not soon enough. Almost the entire lunch table then burst into uproar. The group scolded Rex and Robbie for their actions, but no one was quite as angry as Jade. An anger that Jade had managed well for a few years now burned inside of her again and prepared itself to burst, but just before she let everything out, Jade was stopped by gentle touch on her shoulder. 

‘It’s okay Jade’ Cat said, ‘I got this’ and Jade sat back down. As did everyone else as Cat continued. ‘Rex was right, I was in the hospital for a bit, for my… brain. You can… you can ask follow up questions. If you like.’ 

‘Was it…’ Tori began, ‘do you feel better now?’ 

Cat looked at Jade, and then a small smile came across her face. ‘I do.’ 

‘You need anything from us little red?’ Andre asked. 

‘Not right now’ Cat said, ‘but I’ll let you know. 

‘So what’s wrong with you?’ Robbie blurted out, just before Beck swiftly elbowed him in the chest. 

‘It’s okay Beck. Um, lot’s of things. Some of which I don’t really understand, but the doctor said there’s another thing about me they found out, something that’s not bad at all.’ 

‘What is it?’ Tori asked. 

‘I’m Autistic.’ 

‘Oh’ Robbie said, ‘like Rain Man?’ 

‘No’ 

‘Then, like that kid in Gilbert Grape.’ 

‘Also no’ clearly frustrated, Cat’s hand started to shake slightly, so Jade squeezed it gently. 

‘I think I’ll explain later’ Cat decided. ‘For now, I think I just want to have lunch with my friends, and…’ Cat turned to Jade shyly, ‘with my girlfriend. Is that okay?’ 

‘Of course,’ Andre said. ‘Just tell your girlfriend to be careful with her burrito today. Can’t have bean juice stains on me for my date with Vanessa.’ 

Jade noticed some gradual, but significant changes in Cat as the months rolled by. Or maybe, what she noticed was a move away from her changing and towards simply learning to be. The Cat Jade knew behind closed doors; the theatre nerd who loved music more than life itself, the fidgety dork, the creative if spacey teenager had been set free from the confines of her home life, and that seemed to allow her to free herself of the confines of her mind too. 

She was becoming so beautiful, so herself. 

Jade changed too. It made her soft, loving Cat. The once terrifying Jade West, who used to threaten unsuspecting strangers with shouting and scissors now gave her girlfriend kisses on the cheek and listened patiently as she ranted about Andrew Loyd Webber. But the change was good, Jade thought. Not having to worry about being the jealous girlfriend, or slighted daughter or the school badass freed up enough time for Jade to ace her end of school production and to secure herself a spot in the school of her dreams. 

As expected, Cat too, aced all of her performing arts subjects in spite of her absence. She did reasonably okay in the other things as well, even maths. 

School finished soon after that, and Jade and Cat found themselves huddled on the couch watching TV for the millionth time. 

‘I really love you’ Jade said. 

‘I love you too’ 

‘You’re headed to the UCLA theatre program, aren’t you?’ Jade asked. 

‘I am’ Cat replied, ‘but… I don’t want to think about that right now. I’m here, you’re here, we’re wanting TV, and…’ 

‘I could come too’ 

Cat’s face lit up. ‘What?’ 

‘Well, I’m quite the talented creator too. Suppose I came with you. I got in you know, I’ve been waiting to tell you that- ugh’ 

Jade was attacked with yet another Cat embrace, so tight this time, that her skin almost bruised. Then, she was showered in so many kisses that her entire neck was stained red with the lipstick, but she didn’t mind, because she had her girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... Well, I think that's the end. Thank you all for reading my story, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm quite proud of myself for being able to finish. 
> 
> I might write a one-shot or two in the future, I'm not too sure at the moment, but for now, I feel like I have said what I want to say about these characters, and their story is done. 
> 
> Again, please let me know what you think, whether you liked the happy ending, or if you were hoping for something more. If you have thoughts/feelings about the diagnosis I gave Cat you are welcome to debate me on that as well. She is, of course, fictional and open to interpretation. I love any respectful discourse on that topic. 
> 
> Other than that, have a lovely day/evening/night, whenever you are reading this xx

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting to the site, so I welcome any feedback and advice if you are kind enough to want to give it. Although I am lucky enough to be an essential worker, like many I still have more free time while we are in quarantine, so I thought it might be fun to share with your my musings on who I think Cat and Jade are as people. I am a little worried Jade was a little too harsh in this, I am hoping I can make her sympathetic in the chapters to come. 
> 
> Apologies in advice if any of the scene descriptions are culturally nonsensical, I am Australian and am trying my best :) 
> 
> Take care.


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